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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Married man. I know IABU

232 replies

Ellia28 · 09/08/2020 22:43

I have been speaking to him for about 6 months.
His wife is pregnant.
We've shared pics, had video chats, spoken about everything for hours and made plans to meet.
I did not know any of this at the start, but now I do and I'm struggling to let go. I know I have to though.
Should I say something or just block him?

OP posts:
Happymum12345 · 09/08/2020 23:55

Having been the wife in this position, with babies, I would ask you to stay away from this man for everyone’s sake.

79Beastie · 09/08/2020 23:57

Block him. In fact you should have blocked him as soon as you found out he had a pregnant wife. You obviously know what would happen if you meet up. He's no innocent either, wonder if he's told his wife about your exchange of pics and plans to meet up, mmmm bet he hasnt has he? So let's flip it, say if you were married and pregnant and your husband was doing this behind your back would you be ok about it? Just leave a married man alone, think about the baby.

user1471457751 · 09/08/2020 23:57

Oh FFS so many people on here with poor comprehension skills. The OP made clear that she didn't know and now she does she's asking for advice on how to end it (say something or block).

fairydustandpixies · 09/08/2020 23:59

OP, you'll be flamed on here for being the OW but if you didn't know, you didn't know. It's a horrible situation. But for your own sake, block him and cut him off now you know. You'll make yourself ill otherwise. Don't look backwards, tough I know, but you have to walk away with dignity. Sending you strength.

oakleaffy · 10/08/2020 00:05

A man who cheats on his pregnant wife is so low as to be almost level with the ground.
As are any people who go with him knowing this.

Definitely get an STD check..You could well be one of many. His poor wife.

Polly111 · 10/08/2020 00:06

Yes you should definitely tell him what a scumbag he is first before you block him.

Having been in the wife’s position I don’t think you should tell her though, it’s pretty horrific finding out when you’re in one of the most vulnerable states and can’t even have a drink, plus there’s the worry about the effects on the baby. Wait until the baby’s a few months if you’re going to tell.

BonfireStarter · 10/08/2020 00:06

Block him OP. He will only cause you pain and heartache. If he was going to leave his wife he would have done it already. He will probably tell you how awful his marriage is, blah blah but he isn't single, find someone who is.

oakleaffy · 10/08/2020 00:07

I didn't read the entire thread..but glad to hear you didn't get to the sex part.

DioneTheDiabolist · 10/08/2020 00:12

How/what do you think about him OP?

TheMaddHugger · 10/08/2020 00:14

@Ellia28 ((((((((Madd Madd Hugs)))))🌼

block the Bastard. Grieve for the relationship that was built on HIS lies.

JuniperFather · 10/08/2020 00:15

@Therollockingrogue

Revolting . Find your self respect.
That's pretty unnecessarily harsh considering she was duped and clearly said "I didn't know any of this at the start".

Never waste an opportunity to give an OP a good verbal kicking, eh?

As for "revolting", what's with this silly word inflation on here? The only thing that is "revolting" is the man who has been duplicitous to the OP.

JuniperFather · 10/08/2020 00:16

@ILovesPeanuts

I get the impression you've known a while from your wording. When did you find out he was married?
Stop being amateur detectives on here....it's so embarrassing and painful how people try and go after the OP when she has clearly been wronged.
strivingtosucceed · 10/08/2020 00:18

I've been in your situation OP, it's really hard to let go no matter what the vile and uncouth pp say.

I was in my situation for 2 years before I found out and i'm ashamed to say it took a few months for me to realise he wasn't going to leave her for me and I was being played.

Just remember he is the one that lied and cheated on you and you deserve much better than that. No matter how painful it is, the quicker you cut him off, the quicker you'll be better off. Big hugs to you, I hope you'll find your strength.

Ishihtzuknot · 10/08/2020 00:22

Block him, you are as bad as him if you let this carry on. His poor wife and baby, you should be ashamed of yourself even considering keeping this going now you know about his lies. He’ll do it to you too and there are probably other women on the side, there is nothing attractive about a man who does this.

IceCreamSummer20 · 10/08/2020 00:23

His pregnant wife could have been me OP.

He is AWFUL. He has lied to both you and his wife. He led you on whilst his wife was pregnant? I can’t tell you what a vulnerable time that is. When I realized my DH had cheated whilst I was pregnant - same thing, many many exchanges of pics, videos, messages, and then eventually met up with the women... yes more than one - I was physically sick.

I had to go to a STD clinic who were warned me that an STD could put my and my unborn babies health at risk. Because we were having sex, despite what he told other women, we were supposedly in love.

Honestly watch out OP - this man is likely to abusive. Men who cheated while their partners are pregnant are a big red flag for abuse - because the cheating is abuse and any sex they have puts their babies at risk but they don’t care. Many partners start being abusive in pregnancy.

AntiSocialInjusticePacifist · 10/08/2020 00:26

His name isn't Boris is it?

DidSheReallySayThat20 · 10/08/2020 00:34

Block and run. Its easy to not know someone has another life.

Many yrs ago when ds dad and I got together. He said his Tennancy was up. He moved in with me and my parents then we got a flat.. He ' worked away' half the week.
A Yr later I was expecting ds. I was 3m pregnant when I found out he was married and ' living with her too' you know those nights he was away.
We had a few mutual friends who honestly didn't know either.
I was broken. I never had even a tiny clue!

TehBewilderness · 10/08/2020 00:54

I am so sorry he deceived you. Block em!

whiplashy · 10/08/2020 01:10

you haven’t even MET him! grow up

jessstan2 · 10/08/2020 01:41

@rainbowlou

Block and delete. Chances are you’re not the only one, I’d get an std check up too.
Difficult to catch an STD online.

I agree with block and delete.

riceuten · 10/08/2020 02:06

Put yourself in her shoes. What would you do ?

AntiSocialInjusticePacifist · 10/08/2020 02:08

Ok I posted a flippant remark, but honestly having read the thread I think the OP has been a victim just as his pregnant partner has been. I think some of the responses have been bang out of order.

She met a guy and trusted him, he abused that trust and now the poor woman is stuck with an emotional connection with an absolute dumpster fire of a man. As much as I think pregnant partner has it worse, as she's perhaps unknowingly chained to this man for the foreseeable future, whereas the OP in the round has potentially had a lucky escape, although I appreciate it might not feel like to her right now.

A little compassion goes a long way.

hammie46i · 10/08/2020 02:24

You're getting yourself into a whole world of pain. Please don't go there, for the sake of everyone involved. You need to cut contact.

jimmyjammy001 · 10/08/2020 02:30

Grass him up, make sure his partner knows for the future and what she is getting into.

compulsivesnacker · 10/08/2020 02:52

You didn’t know ‘at the start’. Well, no.
When did you find out he was married?
And when did you find out his wife was pregnant?

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