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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Married man. I know IABU

232 replies

Ellia28 · 09/08/2020 22:43

I have been speaking to him for about 6 months.
His wife is pregnant.
We've shared pics, had video chats, spoken about everything for hours and made plans to meet.
I did not know any of this at the start, but now I do and I'm struggling to let go. I know I have to though.
Should I say something or just block him?

OP posts:
toomanyplants · 09/08/2020 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Thedogscollar · 09/08/2020 23:26

Do you really need to ask what to do? If the answer is yes then you deserve each other.

Valkadin · 09/08/2020 23:27

I suppose the real question is have you literally just found out? I had a friend who actually dated someone they got chatting on a bus, she really liked him. After three months of dates she found out he was married. She finished with him immediately, he stalked her and I went to the police with her to report him.

So if this poster has literally just found out she is probably reeling. But you really do need to block him immediately. Do not engage with him at all. Also always do it safely but do not wait ages to meet someone. They will basically write what you want to hear and they then become a fantasy in your head.

DioneTheDiabolist · 09/08/2020 23:27

Sort yourself out. Ugh.

Away to fuck with your woman blaming shite. The OP has started this thread to help her find a way of ending this in the best way possible for her. Hence the I did not know any of this at the start, but now I do and I'm struggling to let go. I know I have to though. Should I say something or just block him?

She thought she was in a proper relationship. She developed real feelings for this man. Now she has discovered he's married, shes looking for the best way to deal with it for her.

His wife is not the OP's fault. His behaviour is not the OP's fault. Human emotions are not the OP's fault. Being manipulated is not her fault either.Hmm

Lockheart · 09/08/2020 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Post references deleted post Talk Guidelines.

MushMonster · 09/08/2020 23:28

Block him. You are lucky to have found on time.

OhCaptain · 09/08/2020 23:29

I don’t think you’re a piece of garbage.

I do think you’re selfishly hanging on to this, starting threads about it...

You didn’t know. Then you did know. Right then is when you delete and block.

You don’t spend time wringing your hands about it.

You were a victim of a scheming bastard right up until you found out. After that you’re a willing participant and you don’t get to play the victim then.

ILovesPeanuts · 09/08/2020 23:31

I get the impression you've known a while from your wording. When did you find out he was married?

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 09/08/2020 23:34

OP you have done nothing wrong here. He has manipulated and lied to you and his wife. The only thing you will have done wrong is if you continue knowing what you do - he is awful and you deserve so so much more. Please just block him and if you need to send a message saying that he is a vile piece of shit and then block. Be kind to yourself.

foreverandalways · 09/08/2020 23:36

SHAME ON YOU...PUT YOURSELF IN HIS WIFES SHOES AND HOW YOU WOULD FEEL ...

backseatcookers · 09/08/2020 23:37

Grow up and block him.

Christ.

Runnerduck34 · 09/08/2020 23:38

He lied to you and he is lying to his wife, a man who cheats on his pregnant wife isnt a man worth having.
I get its hard as you obviously are attracted to each other and you will miss him but you have been sold a lie .
honestly any heartbreak you feel now will be less than the heartache you will have in the future if you continue and get sucked further in.
ditch him, block him, he is not worthy of you or his wife.

caringcarer · 09/08/2020 23:38

Why would you want him? He is a cheat. He cheats on his pregnant wife and would cheat on you too. He is garbage. Surely you can find someone nicer than this. Set your bar higher OP.

spacepoppers · 09/08/2020 23:38

Dear god the vile comments on here are an embarrassment.

OP you know now. It's okay to be gutted and feel upset/humiliated that he hoodwinked you into thinking he cared about you. He doesn't.

Thank the lord you found out before it escalated any more, and move on - after you've blocked/deleted any possible means of communication.

KeepingPlain · 09/08/2020 23:39

Definitely block him.

You've found out now. Would you really want to be with a man who can casually abandon his unborn child? I wouldn't. It surprises me how many women find that appealing. Can only assume they are equally as heartless. If you continue with him, you're proving you are heartless. Make the right choice.

MumsyMumIAmNot · 09/08/2020 23:39

This happened to me. But he had GF. I told her when I found out about her, she told me she was pregnant and blamed me for him being a scumbag! Like I knew he had her tucked away at home! Crazy lady, wish I'd never told her. Block and delete.

Poppet1974 · 09/08/2020 23:40

He’s just shown you the type of man he is... cheating on his pregnant wife..... and you’re having trouble letting go 🤔🤔🤔

Dominicgoings · 09/08/2020 23:41

How long have you known?

DioneTheDiabolist · 09/08/2020 23:41

I think the OP has enough feelings of her own to process right now @foreverandalways.Hmm

IncrediblySadToo · 09/08/2020 23:42

@toomanyplants

Not colluding. So that would mean the very instant you found out he was blocked from every possible contact method? No of course not, you're "struggling to let go" You absolute piece of garbage.
She didn't know he was married, she fell for him, now she's struggling to let go of the person she thought he was... that does not make HER a piece of garbage.

He's the full sack of shit, but not her.

@Ellia28. Morals aside, let him go because he's not good enough for YOU. He led you to believe he was free to be in a meaningful relationship with you, but he's not. If you let him talk you around, under whichever set of lies he chooses, you'll know what he's capeable of. Hell justvness you around & you'll get hurt. In the very unlikely event he leaves his wife for you, you'll still get hurt because his wife isn't likely to give you an easy time of it (understandably) and you'll be tied to her forever via THEIR child. THEIR child that will (rightly so) tie them together & leave you in the outside. It's all complicated enough with ex's & SC when you haven't been the OW.

6 moths is nothing if you have half a brain cell, you'll walk away NOW.

Franticbutterfly · 09/08/2020 23:44

Put yourself in the shoes of his partner. To be cheated on normally is bad, but when pg, it's the height of horrendous and if you are the affair partner you are complicit. If you have any moral code at all, you'll stop this straight away. Imagine if people you knew found out and what they would think...never mind what you must think of yourself.

ShebaShimmyShake · 09/08/2020 23:44

I've reported toomanyplants and the only reason I'm not taking that nasty, misogynistic and really rather stupid post to task is because I don't want it to remain in a quote when it gets zapped.

SirVixofVixHall · 09/08/2020 23:51

You don’t have “real feelings” as a pp put it, for someone you have never met ! The OP doesn’t know him at all.
OP this is a fantasy relationship, don’t build it up into more than it is, you don’t owe him any more time, just block him.

Winterwoollies · 09/08/2020 23:52

Waaaaaay too much focus and attacks aimed at the OP, here. She’s a victim of this piece of shit, too. She’s not suggesting she’s going to continue the relationship now she knows, she’s looking for the best way to get out of it.

The way the vitriol is always aimed at the woman, regardless of the fact that he’s the fucking hell hound cheating on his wife, is depressing.

ekidmxcl · 09/08/2020 23:54

Just write a message saying
I can’t be in this situation

And thank God that you did not get to the sex part

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