Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want this girl at dd party

277 replies

XiCi · 09/08/2020 11:02

Dd is 9. One of her friendship group from school has been quite nasty to her online and via text during lockdown. Pressurising dd to give her her pets on Roblox, texting her and calling her a bitch when dd refused, threatening her saying her mum was going to batter her if she didnt do as she asked. After this they stopped communicating however dd sent a little text a few weeks later saying its friendship day shall we just be friends again and got a one word NO in reply. Its dds birthday next week and I'm just having a few girls over to play in the garden. This girl has found about about this and has now started texting dd asking if she can come and saying they can be friends again. Dd is a bit conflicted, she thinks she only wants to be her friend because of the party but hasnt got a nasty bone in her body and I think her default would be to just let her come. This girl is trying to video call her all the time for an invite. MIL thinks that all young girls have fallings out like this and I should just invite her. AIBU to not want this girl in my house after i saw how upset she made my dd. I dont know whether I'm just being over protective.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/08/2020 11:04

Normally I’d agree with your mum, I “hated” a few girls in my class and when I had a party my mum said tough you invite everyone- however no one ever called me a bitch and was so nasty (granted we didn’t have mobiles). I think it’s a no from me.

AllPlayedOut · 09/08/2020 11:05

There's not a chance in hell that I'd invite her.

pussycatinboots · 09/08/2020 11:07

Friends don't pull that kind of shit, MIL is wrong.

Don't invite her, and don't let your DD invite her either.

GreyishDays · 09/08/2020 11:07

If it’s more than a couple of days my child’s been not getting on with someone, they don’t have to invite them to their party.

Maybe get word out that the numbers are limited, in case the parents might feel bad about it.

LordOfTheOnionRings · 09/08/2020 11:07

Don't invite that little rat

LupinsNotLilys · 09/08/2020 11:07

I'd not invite and make it clear to your Dd that that kind of behaviour is not something she should tolerate or excuse

Pollypocket89 · 09/08/2020 11:07

No, protect your daughter from her own nativity

KittCat · 09/08/2020 11:09

No way...your poor dd Sad

Sootikinstew · 09/08/2020 11:09

Op answer one of the video calls yourself and tell that little shit that she is not coming and is not to contact your DD any further.

You daughter is 9 show her how to deal with twats.

OverTheRainbow88 · 09/08/2020 11:09

I wouldn’t invite her, and I would block her number on my dd mobile- if that’s how they are contacting each other?

whatthehecksausages · 09/08/2020 11:09

omg what a little cow. absolutely no fucking way would she be anywhere near my house or my child. not a hope in hell. spiteful little brat

LordOfTheOnionRings · 09/08/2020 11:10

Whoops! That did not mean to say that or post but I can't delete it. Don't invite that little brat! She has been really cruel to your daughter. Explain to your daughter exactly why she can't come and it's because of her horrible behaviour. Do her parents know she was sending abusive texts?

MiddleClassProblem · 09/08/2020 11:10

It’s not like they have naturally made up. If they had rekindled their friendship then fine but this is clearly about one thing.

I would encourage DD to not have her there. It’s still limited numbers and a pandemic. There’s a decent excuse in that for not having any extra people if DD feels bad.

BertieBassettsBits · 09/08/2020 11:10

No, behaviour has consequences, this is hers

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/08/2020 11:10

I wouldnt get on a video call with a child OP- that could backfire on you. Just have your daughter tell her “due to numbers my mum says only my close friends”...that’s all that needs to be said.

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 09/08/2020 11:11

Cold day in hell before I would allow her to the party.

Use lockdown rules...only 6 households can mix so cant invite her or Let your dd blame you so it's not in her if it makes it easier...

Rainallnight · 09/08/2020 11:11

No, she shouldn’t be invited, and it’s good opportunity to teach DD about boundaries and the importance of not letting people treat you like shit.

june2007 · 09/08/2020 11:11

I wouldn,t invite and I would also be stricter about msging and texting.

Badassmama · 09/08/2020 11:12

Hell no.
And I’d photograph the texts this girl made threatening her and send them to her mum to inform her exactly why she’s not invited. Also tell the school when they go back.

CoffeeRunner · 09/08/2020 11:13

The bully is also 9? Have you contacted her parents showing them screenshots of the messages sent?

My DD is also 9 & that’s absolutely what I would do. I would also want to know if my DD had been involved in something like this.

And as for the party invite. Not a hope in hell.

badacorn · 09/08/2020 11:13

Nope.

Howyiz · 09/08/2020 11:14

Why would you want to teach your daughter that she has to put someone else's feelings over her own. Particularly someone who has been consistently nasty to her?
Your daughter already has the measure of her, she only wants to be friends because of the party. Help your daughter learn to put boundaries in place.

priceforeverything · 09/08/2020 11:15

So basically you're teaching your daughter it's ok to be bullied and abused and to allow those people into her home. Does this seem like a smart move to you?

RandomTree · 09/08/2020 11:16

I think "my mum says no because of covid rules" would be an easy get out here. Then you haven't burnt all your bridges if they do eventually make up.

Cadent · 09/08/2020 11:17

Why would you want to teach your daughter that she has to put someone else's feelings over her own. Particularly someone who has been consistently nasty to her?
Your daughter already has the measure of her, she only wants to be friends because of the party. Help your daughter learn to put boundaries in place.

💯✅