To not want this girl at dd party

[XiCi]

Dd is 9. One of her friendship group from school has been quite nasty to her online and via text during lockdown. Pressurising dd to give her her pets on Roblox, texting her and calling her a bitch when dd refused, threatening her saying her mum was going to batter her if she didnt do as she asked. After this they stopped communicating however dd sent a little text a few weeks later saying its friendship day shall we just be friends again and got a one word NO in reply. Its dds birthday next week and I'm just having a few girls over to play in the garden. This girl has found about about this and has now started texting dd asking if she can come and saying they can be friends again. Dd is a bit conflicted, she thinks she only wants to be her friend because of the party but hasnt got a nasty bone in her body and I think her default would be to just let her come. This girl is trying to video call her all the time for an invite. MIL thinks that all young girls have fallings out like this and I should just invite her. AIBU to not want this girl in my house after i saw how upset she made my dd. I dont know whether I'm just being over protective.

Absolutely no way. She isnt very nice to put it mildly. Contact the parents with copies of her nasty texts. I wouldn't have this child in my home or garden

All the people saying to text the mum - where do you think the girl is getting the behaviour from?! Especially if she is threatening her mum to batter her "friends"... likely to be a parent. Something tells me it won't make much of a difference except for perhaps to get the girl battered herself
Exactly this. The mum is one scary motherfucker. Having seen her behaviour in the school playground at pick up time shes more likely to kick off on me than talk reasonably to her dd about the behaviour. The girl was blocked but dd unblocked her when she asked if they could be friends again. Shes now blocked again. Thanks everyone for your comments

No don’t invite her. Also did you speak to this girls mum about her abusive bullying texts? If you let this girl come to the party you are condoning her behaviour- stick up for your dd op.

"and got a one word NO in reply" .... If she's happy to reply like this, it's right back at you I'm afraid!

Ofcourse now the mother is some hooligan! I know young DC who have sent nasty texts or messages to others - DC too young to have phones hiding behind screens sending nasty messages. The parents weren't scary and were horrified when they saw what there DC sent and confiscated there phone- so I disagree that what DC write in messages is a reflection of what is going on at home. Good luck when they become teens , snapchat etc joyous platforms for abuse

I’d also give the school a heads up as to what has been going on (when we get them back to school that is) they can then look out for anything happening in school.

"My mum says no" should just about cover it.

Your kid doesn’t need a phone to keep in touch with her friends

Please please don’t bother school about this they are so busy, these parents lack responsibility - it serves them right

Screenshot the messages as evidence of bullying. Delete and block.
Glad to see that she's not invited.
I would raise with the school when they return as safeguarding - as others day, this behaviour is mirroring that of parents, so it'll allow them to be aware of background issues should the child continue this sort of thing when they are back next month.

@XiCi

why does your daughter have a phone She has had use of my old phone via lockdown. It's been invaluable during lockdown, she's an only child and has been able to keep in contact with all her friends. There is not a single one of her peer group that does not have a phone.

Thanks everyone for your input. She definitely wont be coming to the party and dd has just come back from her nans and told me she doesnt want her there so we are both clear on that now. Just didnt know if I was being too harsh given she is only 9 and mil comments.

DD has just turned 10 and also an only, I couldn’t agree more that the phone has been absolutely a lifesaver for her mental health during lockdown. I gave her my old one and the turnaround in her once she could talk to her friends was enormous. I do go through her phone and check conversations.

Interestingly it was on the school’s ‘sharing work and commenting’ page that nasty comments were made with us - not just limited to mobiles it would seem!

I’m glad your DD has also agreed that the girl shouldn’t come. Her behaviour sounds just nasty.

If schools got involved in every single online row they’d not be able to teach. Your problem - it’s not taking place in school

It's a no way from me, too. Stay blocked this time, and stay well away from both mother and child.

It would be a no from me and would send the texts with "bitch" etc to the girls mum.

I'm so glad you and your daughter have come to that decision.

I'm loathe to say it but in depressingly few years time she's going to have boys asking her for nudes and to do sex acts that are depressingly common in porn. How you help her to know and handle her boundaries in this situation is going to be laying foundations for how well she's will know what she wants and be able to say no in other situations. You did good!

Absolutely no way should this bullying girl be invited.

I would be screenshotting the messages and showing them to the school. If she’s bullying your dd she is very likely bullying other kids too.

If they got on fine in real life before lockdown I would invite her. At 9 I don’t think you can judge them on how they behave over text and roblox.

Don't invite her, please. Teach your daughter she doesn't have to put up with this kind of crap.

Let the little madam learn that actions have consequences. You do know she would have fallen out with DD straight afterwards anyway

• sorry, missed your latest post. Glad you're not inviting her!

Be prepared to turn her and her mum away if they do turn up. I don't know how likely that is but it could happen.

Or maybe shut the blinds and don't answer the door if you see her coming

My DD certainly wouldn't have a phone at 9 anyway, way too young to be sending messages etc as this has proven. Too much, too soon. Agree with others, definitely would not invite this girl

No way would I have her at the party.
I've been through similar with my DD. She has a 'friend' who causes her nothing but upset and drama. 99% of interactions with her result in a negative outcome for my Dd but she still feels bad for her, that they should be friends as they've known each other since they were about 3.
I broke down the concept of toxic relationships to her gently and in very basic simple terms and she got it. Now she's better at recognising when she's being used or taken advantage of.
I think if you let the girl come to the party then you are teaching your dd that it's ok to allow people to treat you like that, even after you've given them a second chance. It's also teaching the girl that it's ok to behave this way.
It's sad for the girl however that's her mother's problem

no invite from me either OP ..at 9 kids are old enough to know actions have consequences.Be nice and get invited be shitty and no invite...some lessons are best learned the hard way.I dont normally get involved with kids fallings out but its a good idea for your dd to start as she means to go on taking no crap from anyone!