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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To the woman who shouted “you’re too thin!!” to me on my run today...

282 replies

Waytoomuch82 · 08/08/2020 09:13

You made me feel utterly shit.

Yes I’m underweight. Mr body shape is awful (very thin arms and legs but a large belly relative to my size (26/27 inch, which for someone 17 BMI is out of proportion).

I hate my body. I feel sub conscious.

Hence out for very early run in a wood. St John’s wood (you were alone, one dog, red top). I saw you and smiled, you had a kind face, but as I ran pass you muttered something. I turned and said “sorry?” And you said “gosh, you’re too thin. You must stop running”.

Immediately deflated. Immediately feel crap.

It would not have occurred to me for a second to have said to you “you are podgy, you should be running not walking”, why did you feel you could say this to me.

Stop shouting out random criticism and “advice” to people.

OP posts:
lazylinguist · 08/08/2020 09:55

FGS! It doesn't matter whether it was out of concern. As previous posters have said, why is it not ok for a stranger to comment on someone being obese but is ok for them to comment on someone being underweight? I'm pretty sure that (in first world countries) obesity causes a lot more damage to health than being underweight does.

In any case, muttering or shouting bald statements like 'you're too thin' at a stranger is not how a kind, concerned person behaves. It's how an opinionated twat with no social skills behaves.

Lifeisconfusing · 08/08/2020 09:57

Jesus you can’t win can you too fat too thin 😏

rwalker · 08/08/2020 10:00

I used to pick kids up from school and go for a run first as it used to spur me on as I had to be there a 3.
ALLWAYS got coments for fucking rude FAT parents slagging me off saying things like look at the state of you and they recon thats good for you.
The best one was you must be stupid you'd never catch me doing that. Would of loved to reply yes we would catch you because your that fucking fat you could barely move but obs didn't.
I would never be so personal or rude to a larger person but they feel thin fit people are fair game.

bedjolly · 08/08/2020 10:01

@rwalker

I used to pick kids up from school and go for a run first as it used to spur me on as I had to be there a 3. ALLWAYS got coments for fucking rude FAT parents slagging me off saying things like look at the state of you and they recon thats good for you. The best one was you must be stupid you'd never catch me doing that. Would of loved to reply yes we would catch you because your that fucking fat you could barely move but obs didn't. I would never be so personal or rude to a larger person but they feel thin fit people are fair game.
Sounds like definite jealousy. Why are people so gross😖.
blarrr · 08/08/2020 10:02

laxylinguist I hope that wasn't a response to my post, because I mentioned the word 'concern' in it. Do you think the tone of your message is OK?? Everyone has a right to comment their view on here. Why are you getting so angry?! Calm down.

Thecobwebsarewinning · 08/08/2020 10:03

I would never ever comment on a strangers body but I can understand where the woman is coming from. My sister has anorexia (mostly controlled now) and part of her addiction was to exercise. She would run miles a day, morning and night, to work off her ‘excessive’ breakfast of half a boiled egg and some crudités. It made me cry to see her pushing her poor, beaten body further and further on less and less fuel.

To me the very fact that you know your (unhealthy) BMI and have measured your stomach indicates that you are are very focussed on weight and statistics - a potential red flag for an eating disorder. And if you think your arms and legs are too thin why are you running? It’s a very effective cardio exercise and will burn calories but it’s not going to build up your arms or tone your abs.

She was rude and unkind but that doesn’t necessarily mean she was wrong. Perhaps the words stung because you recognise the truth of them.

Ilovesandwiches · 08/08/2020 10:07

Wow what a horrible thing to do. Your weight does not define you, and everyone has the right to exercise how and as they wish. Please please don’t give up running if it’s what you enjoy! You are better than her I can promise you that xx

saraclara · 08/08/2020 10:08

(very thin arms and legs but a large belly relative to my size (26/27 inch, which for someone 17 BMI is out of proportion).
No. Your belly has to contain your internal organs. It cannot 'slim' itself down to be as thin as the rest of you.

I'm not excusing the woman at all. She was out of order making a comment like that. But your OP is disturbing and has all the red flags of someone with body dysmorphia.

Please take care of yourself, OP. Are you actively trying to put on weight? A BMI of 17 is very underweight and a medical issue.

HorseDentist · 08/08/2020 10:10

@Waytoomuch82
Over the last few days I have noticed you post multiple times on threads about weight and food.
As someone who has previously suffered from an eating disorder some of the comments you make are raising red flags. Please consider that you may have a problem and require some support. There are some amazing charities such as Beat who can help you when you are ready.
Good luck op.
The shouting woman was out of order clearly, but maybe she did so from a perspective of concern.

Viviennemary · 08/08/2020 10:13

Well it isn't the done thing to make remarks in public about people's weight. But if OP is concerned perhaps a visit to the GP is in order. I agree running probably isn't a good choice for severely underweight people.

ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords · 08/08/2020 10:14

All those saying the OP shouldn't be running, you have know idea how much she is running and whether it is part of a whole exercise regime. She might run a slow 5K a couple of times a week, so would only burn about 250-300 calories a time, or she could be anorexic and running for hours on end, but you don't know.

Mothermorph · 08/08/2020 10:18

@Waytoomuch82
Over the last few days I have noticed you post multiple times on threads about weight and food.
As someone who has previously suffered from an eating disorder some of the comments you make are raising red flags. Please consider that you may have a problem and require some support. There are some amazing charities such as Beat who can help you when you are ready.
Good luck op.
The shouting woman was out of order clearly, but maybe she did so from a perspective of concern*

Former ED patient here and I've noticed the same (maybe we are seeking out the weight topics as well Confused)
But it's not ok for strangers to comment or shout remarks about anyones appearance (unless they discretely told someone their skirt was tucked in their knickers, for example)

Happymum12345 · 08/08/2020 10:19

In the supposed age of the “be kind” Message sent out, people who speak of anyone’s body, should be ashamed. Fat, thin & all the sizes in between should not be up for discussion amongst complete strangers. Drs, yes, but strangers on a run, no.
Running is so much more than losing weight. It’s about mental health, strength & peace of mind.

gypsywater · 08/08/2020 10:21

It's just an appalling comment to say to a stranger. Literally none of her business what you look like. How dare she. Cant imagine even thinking to comment on the body of a stranger, it's just bizarre.

JoeCalFuckingZaghe · 08/08/2020 10:22

Someone’s body is NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS! Whether she “muttered” or shouted she said it loud enough for OP to question what she said. It is not fucking ok to cast your shitty, unwanted opinion on someone else’s body. Those saying she never meant op to hear it, what that’s ok? Especially those insisting op has an eating disorder? She very well may have but can you not understand the fucking spiral a comment like that can have on someone with an ED? Disgraceful.

Veiaola · 08/08/2020 10:22

I think people can say things which are very hurtful, I too am skinny an have been bombarded by such comments all my life, it's just rude. Forget about it op enjoy your weekend.

Scarydinosaurs · 08/08/2020 10:22

I hope you’re okay OP. I’ve struggled with my weight and restricting for years, and it would have crushed me to have this said to me.

Are you getting help with your weight to get it to a point you’re more happy with it?

VettiyaIruken · 08/08/2020 10:22

People need to stop thinking that it's ok to comment on others bodies.
It is no more ok to make comments on thinness than it is fatness.

Unless your opinion is asked for - keep your mouth shut!

gypsywater · 08/08/2020 10:24

I wish you had felt able to challenge her tho OP, but understand you were really upset and in shock. She needs someone to tell her to mind her own fucking business tbh.

ravensoaponarope · 08/08/2020 10:33

Sorry this happened to you.

Concern is a red herring. If someone were anorexic (not suggesting you are, OP), surely no one thinks that being told they are too thin by a stranger would make any difference. Most anorexics would see it as a sign of success.

Walkaround · 08/08/2020 10:36

A large belly in comparison to the rest of you is 100% normal when underweight. That problem is not fixed by trying to reduce the size of your belly, but then running is not going to make your belly smaller anyway, it’s more likely to exacerbate the issue, so I presume you know that, @Waytoomuch82, and running is something you do for the endorphins rather than for any benefit to your appearance. Yes, it was wrong of a stranger to shout out loud what she was thinking. Is there any reason why you are struggling to maintain a healthy weight?

AldiAisleofCrap · 08/08/2020 10:38

She doesn’t sound awful, she didn’t shout it at you, she said it quietly most likely without thinking with shocked concern. She shouldn’t have said it but may have had a relative with an eating disorder and it slipped out without thinking. She didn’t yell an insult.

AldiAisleofCrap · 08/08/2020 10:40

To clarify I do t think it’s ok and saying thin to someone with an eating disorder is awful . It’s just she really sounded like it slipped out without thinking. And she is guilty of not engaging her brain not being a bitch.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 08/08/2020 10:42

I am all for discussion about weight issues amongst family and close friends, but absolutely not ok by a random in a park.

Isthisnothing · 08/08/2020 10:42

The absolute nerve of her. How dare she?

I used to go swimming near my work and the skinniest woman I ever saw would generally be there too coming out of the pool when I arrived. We got in the habit of saying hello.

One day a work colleague of mine decided she was going to join me so I brought her on a guest pass. When confronted with this woman she said something similar to what the woman said to you. I was raging and apologised. The skinny woman rushed away. Work colleague thought she was being helpful?!

We had an argument about it afterwards. My thoughts were -

Primarily that she could be sick/skinny from cancer etc and the swimming might be helping.
Yes she might have an eating disorder but maybe she is aware of it and the swimming is helping with her feeling of wellbeing
Maybe she does have body dysmorphia and thinks she needs to lose weight but a nosy stranger isn't going to change that
Actually how about it's none of our business why she's skinny and swimming, just keep your nose out

I'm so sorry this happened op. Please don't say you hate your body. You run so must be fit. I'm coming back from a battle with cancer and long to feel mobile and fluid again.