To the woman who shouted “you’re too thin!!” to me on my run today...

[Waytoomuch82]

You made me feel utterly shit.

Yes I’m underweight. Mr body shape is awful (very thin arms and legs but a large belly relative to my size (26/27 inch, which for someone 17 BMI is out of proportion).

I hate my body. I feel sub conscious.

Hence out for very early run in a wood. St John’s wood (you were alone, one dog, red top). I saw you and smiled, you had a kind face, but as I ran pass you muttered something. I turned and said “sorry?” And you said “gosh, you’re too thin. You must stop running”.

Immediately deflated. Immediately feel crap.

It would not have occurred to me for a second to have said to you “you are podgy, you should be running not walking”, why did you feel you could say this to me.

Stop shouting out random criticism and “advice” to people.

Fat cow was probably jealous!

@frumpety

Has anybodies eating disorder been cured by a comment by a 'helpful' stranger ?

Mine wasn't, funnily enough

"Maybe" muttering woman has frustrations dealing with an anorexic niece who won't stop exercising.

If you were happy with your body shape then you wouldn't care what muttering woman said, OP. I hope you can find a way to be happy with your body.

What vile language. That's a disgusting way to speak.

This is MN isn't it ?

Obviously she was out of order and shouldn't have spoken to you like that. But why do you take so much notice of someone who you don't know and has no part in your life? Truly if you really feel that bad after some random makes a snarky comment please consider counselling or help. I am extremely unlikely to get a comment such as the one directed at you, but I'm more likely to hear something about being fat. Frankly unless it's from someone I respect I don't give a shit -this includes my doctor who is at least 22 stone-.

Very interesting how many people are assuming the woman in OPs post is overweight, assuming she is therefore jealous, and calling her things like "fat cow".

This thread has brought out a shocking amount of misogyny and vitriol.

@Waytoomuch82
If you have a BMI of 17 but a waist of 27 inches, have you been medically examined?
Abdominal swelling in women can be a sign of pathology.

As PPhave said, weight training may be better than running if you wan't to build muscle on your arms/legs

Yes she shouldn’t have said but she may have thought you had an eating disorder, and it’s known that a feature of that is delusions over size. I’ve seen some scarily thin people around and thought they must have an eating disorder... they are like skeletons. I always wish they knew what they looked like but know saying anything is futile.

She spoke to herself and you confronted her; she chose to be candid when challenged.

I hope you feel better about yourself soon though. I would get advice from someone qualified if you want to target a particular part of your body, and second the idea of switching to weights or yoga.

im fat i wold never say anything to anyone slim oput running but you do sound underweight if thats your bmi

Can we bloody well leave obese people (like me) out of it for once? No one should comment on your weight. That's it. Stop using us as the default setting FFS. I'm sick to death of people measuring levels of offence against if you'd say it to a fat person.

there's a woman nearby who jogs daily and can barely stand, she's so underweight. Takes my breath away when I see her sometimes. I would never say anything to her, but would hope that her family/friends are supporting her. My daughter had an eating disorder when she was younger and looked similar to the woman I see jogging. Our GP told dd to avoid exercise, especially running etc until she'd restored her weight to a normal BMI.

I do sympathise as I used to be similar BMI to you. I had a similar waist size following pregnancies but my stomach was still flat. People I knew such as colleagues and neighbours thought it was fine to comment on my weight and call me skinny but it wasn't acceptable to comment if someone else was overweight. It was very annoying.

As someone who gets comments for the opposite reason I really feel for you.
I don't understand some people's (in my case always men) need to make comments purely to cause upset.

@EugenesAxe

Yes she shouldn’t have said but she may have thought you had an eating disorder, and it’s known that a feature of that is delusions over size. I’ve seen some scarily thin people around and thought they must have an eating disorder... they are like skeletons. I always wish they knew what they looked like but know saying anything is futile.

She spoke to herself and you confronted her; she chose to be candid when challenged.

I hope you feel better about yourself soon though. I would get advice from someone qualified if you want to target a particular part of your body, and second the idea of switching to weights or yoga.

But if she knew somehow that the OP was anorexic/bulimic etc., surely she also knows that to call an anorexic person thin would probably be feeding these delusions over size, so wouldn't be "helping" at all?

People are assholes, it’s a fact of life that strangers will say disgusting things for their own amusement. What I don’t understand is how thin skinned people are on here - that instead of getting over it, they have to continue their upset by posting about something that is actually quite minor.

The woman’s comment is only as hurtful as you wish to make it OP. Yes, she should have kept her trap shut, but assholes like her do exist. If it’s the first time it has happened to you then consider yourself blessed, and not upset. You could have just socked it to her rather than vent on here. Your power should have been in your response to her, not your retrospective musings on here looking for attention and sympathy.

I'm surprised by people who think that unsolicited comments on a stranger's body or weight might be done out of 'concern', implying that there might be some level of justification She was tactless and inappropriate - perhaps she doesn't have much of a filter. Your post is a useful reminder that it's not 'ok' to point out to people how thin they are.

It doesn’t matter what her motive was. She was rude.

It is never, ever acceptable to comment on people’s appearance like that. Ever.

Sorry you feel bad, OP. I know it’s easier said than done, but try to forget this idiotic comment. [flower].

@jjnineone

Wish there was a 'not sure' button on YANBU threads. I can see why this was hurtful & I've had a few unsolicited comments on my appearance when running too. But you have no way of knowing what might be going on in this woman's life, so why not give her the benefit of the doubt? I'm autistic so am used to my bluntness sometimes causing offense, but I hope people can understand that I don't say tactless things to deliberately cause upset.

It really worries me the number of people who piled onto the thread calling this woman 'rancid cunt', 'cow', 'bitch', 'dickhead', etc. Aren't those kind of comments judgemental and rude too? Is it fine to say something nasty about someone if you think they've done it first, whatever might be behind their comments?

Body shaming strangers is never ok, no matter what's going on in your life.

Just remember that the next time you feel 'unsure'.

I see anorexics running and it's awful. You want them to stop. I would never say anything though, but I'm guessing you are in fact very thin and so she was actually concerned. I'm afraid rather than focusing on how unfair it was and trying to tell us you actually have a 'fat stomach' you probably need to face up to this and get help.

I'm sorry but what you wanted to hear I know. But people don't usually say things like this, in this way without reason. At johns wood is hardly full of fatties either so not a place where you would be considered ultra thin unless you were.

It’s really not where she carries weight. Do you understand what 17 bmi is?

A too high bmi is damaging as well as too low.

Making a thread become a fat shaming thread isn’t helpful.

@Handsoffisback

I want to add I'm not condoning it. I know full well that saying that to an anorexic is the worst thing you can do and would make them feel worse. But if you don't know that you might not realise it.

I am sorry that you have been upset by hearing what this woman said to you , but from how you have described the incident in your OP this really doesn't sound malicious

There is a big difference between 'shouting' and 'muttering'. She could simply be someone who talks to herself and did not intend you to hear, given that you say she was muttering and she only repeated it to you when you asked her what was said . And yes I do think that there could quite easily be some concern for you in her thoughts.

I hope you are OK OP but I don't think that the way that this thread has done is helpful to anybody .

@Vodkacranberryplease

I want to add I'm not condoning it. I know full well that saying that to an anorexic is the worst thing you can do and would make them feel worse. But if you don't know that you might not realise it.

But you really shouldn’t be saying anything at all?

Just shout back "You're too stupid".

@PicsInRed

Was she being unpleasant, or speaking from concern?

You've said you are underweight and too thin.

Have you suffered eating/exercise disorders in the past? Could your body shape (thin with protruding stomach) be due to a state of starvation?

Concern my ass Its never concern Can we turn round to bigger people and say ooh pick up the pace, will help burn the calories? Concern after all?

Why do skinny women just have to laugh this shit off. Why is it overreacting to be pissed off about it. It's irrelevant if the OP is underweight or not, a stranger has no right to comment on it.