My friend has stopped paying for things ..aibu to mention it?

[berryberry44]

My friend will ask me to get things from town whilst I'm up (just stupid things like shampoo or a candle etc ) but never gives me the money.
Yesterday I dropped off around £10 worth of things and she took the bag and didn't mention paying.
Then we went out for lunch and I said il get the taxi there and you pay back.
She said no problem,il give you the money for back and you can use your Uber account.
Then she gave me half the taxi fare(I don't know how she thought that was correct)
Then popped in Superdrug and I had a few things,she hands me those and says "can you pay for these and il give you money,I hate paying with my card"
I said no,I said it gets too confusing.
Can we just pay for our own things.
Aibu to say that ?
Do I mention that she never pays ?

Has she always done this or is it a recent thing? She's a CF and I wonder if she's the same with her other 'friends'?

Well, why do you keep enabling her? Stop buying her stuff until she has cleared her debt. And if money is tight, she should be doing without candles!

@PatchworkElmer

My parents have friends like this- who have just been able to take early retirement, which has surely been paid for in part by a lifetime of freeloading off other people...

We know someone like this. She bought herself a flat in the early noughties freeloading off us. We spent a couple of grand entertaining her. The flat was around 40k.

YANBU I would mention it in a friendly way

Don’t bother about the pjs. She can order online, or go herself.

She’s not a friend, more a bullying sponging user who knows she can control you and get you to do what she wants.

It was actually sad reading this. Do you have other friends, or are you dependant and rely on this woman- which she can see, and exploits.

Tell her you're isolating/ have a migraine/ other spurious excuse and ask her to get you "urgent" shopping. Then start being overdrawn or short of cash and paying for just your part of the bill if you really don't dont want to say anything. She will realise and explain why she cant pay or start contribute her share. Either way you will stop feeling used.

OMFG, if you are too much of a coward to ask your own friend for money that THEY OWE YOU then they are not your friend, or you deserve to be rinsed frankly.

Good god. So many grown adults on this website just letting friends do whatever the f*ck they like just on the basis that they might seem 'rude' if they protest or just actually ask for money back that they didn't volunteer to give away

She’s a CF. Just say no and send her a bill for all the things she owes you money for!

Draw up a list of how much she owes you. Text her the total, with an idea of what it covers, and ask her to transfer it to your bank account immediately. If it helps, say that you hadn't realised her debt to you had got so high, and it would be best to settle it now.
Don't buy her anything else going forward unless she gives you the cash first. In a cafe, pay for your own food/drink only. If sharing a taxi, give the driver half of the fare. Be as petty as you need to be, because otherwise she will continue to take advantage.

Bloody hell Op....you must have more money than sense....i hate confrontation but i hate being short of money too....your friend would have done this once to me and that would have been it.

Text back "i cant afford to get you anything else until you pay what you already owe me" once shes paid everything insist on money up front every single time.

On the other hand, you could probably find a better friend. I'm not actually convinced you're her friend, more like her free cash machine.

Stop being such a whimp. So what if she flys off the handle. That’s life, she needs to pay her way

Has she got financial problems? Encourage her to talk to you, explain that you are concerned about her as you can’t keep paying out for her.

Next time your neighbour asks drop it off with a list and the cost of each item and don’t leave until you’ve got your cash

Sorry but you are being taken advantage of

to be honest, my sister is exactly the same... she seems to genuinely forget to transfer the money back to me. I have to remind her 2-3 times or call her and get her to transfer it there and then so she doesn't forget. Id definitely speak to your friend about it. When my sister asks me to get further items, I remind her "you still owe me for A, B, C, you need to add this to the total" and continue to remind her

Just say, ‘I have been very very generous to you over the years but I can’t afford to keep paying for your share of things any more and you need to stop expecting it.’ Then pay for nothing else. Take change out with you and only use that for your own expenses. She should be ashamed of her cheekiness.

‘No’ is a perfectly valid response to a question. Don’t get into the habit of feeling like you need to explain yourself.

Why come on here bleating about your cf friend if your not prepared to take note of the excellent advice given to you on here, and do something about it.
Don't be such a ninny

What age is she

Or you could just ask her politely why you're paying for everything all of a sudden?,
If she doesn't want to use her card the answer is stating you in the face - there's insufficient funds in her account. Simple. But you're not a charity.

She’s being cheeky and she knows it. I sometimes get my friend to grab me something when out. If it’s a lot of things then I pay her immediately if it’s just a quid or two then generally I don’t but then when she next asks me to grab her something it evens out or I will pay for a coffee next time etc. It’s a lot more even. If we go for a meal or split a taxi one pays and the other transfers the money straight over. In fact said friend and I had drinks last night, I paid the tab and she transferred me the amount before we even left the pub. Your friend isn’t doing this. Your friend has gotten used to getting a few freebies off of you and now isn’t even thinking about offering the money back.

I had a ' friend"like that once, and she was No friend!!!! Every time we met for lunch or dinner she would always say' oh sorry hun, I don't have enough money, you get this and I will get the next one'. She always had 3 courses, coffee and wine(even for the lunches). The last time I met her for lunch she was after a shopping spree(boutique clothes) I had just a coffee. The waiter came with the bill, left it on the table, I put down the money for my coffee. She slammed the teapot on the table and shouted ' do you mind, I want to finish my tea'. I calmly said ' oh of course, take you time'. She was soooo angry. She never bought a round of drinks on nights out either. She never invited me for lunch or dinner again. These people are users and don't value friendships. My only regret was I let her away with it for far too long.

You've got yourself a narcissistic cf there!

Sounds a lot like my sister.

She "flies off the handle" precisely because it stops people from challenging her taking the piss! I'm betting she struggles to hold on to friends generally.

True friends don't treat you like this. Frankly it's worth risking losing the "friendship" in order to not continue being treated like a mug! And save your money!

Stop fretting about her feelings - she doesn't give a shit about yours

I'm nc with sister now and I'm better off and much happier

@Bobalina68. That was good, but I'd have walked out after I put my coffee money down as well.