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AIBU?

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Original poster

My friend has stopped paying for things ..aibu to mention it?

305 replies

berryberry44 · 08/08/2020 07:34

My friend will ask me to get things from town whilst I'm up (just stupid things like shampoo or a candle etc ) but never gives me the money.
Yesterday I dropped off around £10 worth of things and she took the bag and didn't mention paying.
Then we went out for lunch and I said il get the taxi there and you pay back.
She said no problem,il give you the money for back and you can use your Uber account.
Then she gave me half the taxi fare(I don't know how she thought that was correct)
Then popped in Superdrug and I had a few things,she hands me those and says "can you pay for these and il give you money,I hate paying with my card"
I said no,I said it gets too confusing.
Can we just pay for our own things.
Aibu to say that ?
Do I mention that she never pays ?

OP posts:
Supsista · 09/08/2020 19:27

YABU, you must pay for everything. Hmm

Ravenesque · 09/08/2020 19:37

If you won't say anything to her because you're scared she'll fly off the handle then write off the £50 and then never pick up anything for her ever again. She's taking the piss.

DagenhamRoundhouse · 09/08/2020 19:37

She seems to think you're some sort of benefactor!

Celestine70 · 09/08/2020 19:41

She is using you and is not your friend. You need to tell her how much she owes you and then drop her.

StarTrekRedShirt · 09/08/2020 19:42

I understand it’s hard to mention money owed, but next time she asks you to fetch her a bottle of shampoo or a packet of tights just say “sorry, you’ve still never paid for the last 4/5/6 shopping trips!

Member869894 · 09/08/2020 19:52

Have you texted her yet op? Dying to see her response

Teddybear27 · 09/08/2020 20:02

Don’t let her take the pee. Next time just say no and tell her she already owes you £50. End of. Friends don’t treat people like that. She is no friend. Good luck!

Jeeperscreepers69 · 09/08/2020 20:09

Use cash. Take your card for emergencys. But iwould ask her to pay for your stuff before she asks you. I had a friend who always asked me for money or ciggies, so id knock on her door and first thing out of my mouth would be have u got any ciggies im skint. She stopped asking after a while.

meme70 · 09/08/2020 20:10

Stop .......

nannykatherine · 09/08/2020 20:19

Who paid for lunch ??
Plus
Hardly anyone uses cash anymore
It’s all cards
So I suspect she has money worries ..
Which is no excuse but maybe she needs help organising Her finance

Ilovetravelling · 09/08/2020 20:25

She sounds like a right scrounger & is best avoided. Dislike people who don't pay their way. She is just using you.

Wilkie1956mog · 09/08/2020 20:35

Of course she is laughing at you behind your back. She knows she is not paying you for anything and that you are too scared to ask for the money. It's absurd. Unless you think she's going to beat you up or something? For God's sake! Next time you see her or hear from her, just say calmly "Look, I'm sorry but I can't keep paying for all these things for you. I've spent £50 or more on you upto now and I haven't liked to ask for it because we're friends. But I can't do it any more and I'd like you to start paying me back what you owe me please." Not too hard really.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/08/2020 20:36

@berryberry44 -

A friend who borrows money/gets you to pay for stuff and doesn’t pay you back is not a real friend.

A friend who manipulates you into buying her stuff, with no intention of paying it back is not a real friend.

A friend who ‘flies off the handle’ rather than pay back the money they owe is not a real friend.

You deserve better friends!

Stilsmiling · 09/08/2020 20:48

If you have receipts you could take a screen shot, print then if you like, put them together for her and when you see her next give them to her with a casual smiley “I put the receipts together for you to make it easier to see the total for all things you needed over last while. I have ‘x’ to pay for next week so if you don’t have it now I’ll call round on ‘xxxday’ to collect it.”
Feel free to also ask her to pick you up a few things next time she is out 😉

Dragonsmother · 09/08/2020 20:53

15yrs of friendship is a v long time.
How long has this been going on? Is this new or has it been going on a while? How does she know you are going into town?

It’s not ok for her to treat you like this. In fact I think this is a good whole new conversation- how important is this friendship? She is taking the piss.

It’s time to re-evaluate this friendship. You deserve a friend who is kind, considerate and caring. She sounds like neither of these.

Giraffey1 · 09/08/2020 20:53
  1. Stop telling her when you are going into town.
  2. Each time she asks you to get something for her or pay her way and she’ll pay you back, say sorry, no, you already owe me £50 for all your bits and pieces I’ve paid for, and I can’t afford to be out of pocket any more.
  3. Remind her every time you see her that she owes you money.
  4. She texts you asking you to get her pjs from Debenhams? Just say no. And by the way, you still owe me £50.
  5. If you are still friends at this point, if she expects you to use your Uber account for a taxi, or use your card to buy stuff for her, just say no.

If you think she is having money worries then you need to tell her firmly but gently that spending other people’s money is not the solution,.

Dragonsmother · 09/08/2020 20:54

[quote SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]@berryberry44 -

A friend who borrows money/gets you to pay for stuff and doesn’t pay you back is not a real friend.

A friend who manipulates you into buying her stuff, with no intention of paying it back is not a real friend.

A friend who ‘flies off the handle’ rather than pay back the money they owe is not a real friend.

You deserve better friends![/quote]
Amen!! Well said

FinallyHere · 09/08/2020 20:55

didn't mention paying.

So you hand her the receipt and say will you give me cash or order to do a transfer. My bank details are and stand while she does it.

Simples.

I feel cheeky saying "that's £10.25 please "

And yet, she doesn't feel cheeky letting you pay for things.

What are you going to do?

rookiemere · 09/08/2020 21:10

The OP last posted on here 8.10am yesterday, so she's probably not responding any more sadly

ilikemethewayiam · 09/08/2020 21:25

You’ve posted here for advice OP and had some great suggestions. What are you going to do now? An update would be nice!

ButtonMoonLoon · 09/08/2020 21:30

I’d play her at her own game and ask her to pick something up for you, I BET she asks for the money. Then you can say ‘Oh why don’t you just take it off what you owe me from the last few weeks’. You’ll soon find out if she’s a real friend or not.

OR- option 2 if I thought she might be struggling is to sit her down and ask straight out:
‘Look, this is awkward, but I’ve noticed that you haven’t been setting up with me when I’ve paid for stuff for you. I’m worried about you. Are you in some sort of financial difficulty?’

sidesplittinglol · 09/08/2020 21:35

She's obviously taking advantage of your good nature.

Does she have money troubles and doesn't want to say?

bananasplitsallround · 09/08/2020 22:04

I’d be letting this friendship fade.

starlight13 · 09/08/2020 22:47

Don't tell her where you're going for a start and then begin turning the tables until you have recuperated your money back.
She is a leech not a friend. A friend would be too ashamed to do these things to you.

Member869894 · 09/08/2020 22:52

Where has the op gone? Are you going to ask her for your money, op?

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