My friend has stopped paying for things ..aibu to mention it?

[berryberry44]

My friend will ask me to get things from town whilst I'm up (just stupid things like shampoo or a candle etc ) but never gives me the money.
Yesterday I dropped off around £10 worth of things and she took the bag and didn't mention paying.
Then we went out for lunch and I said il get the taxi there and you pay back.
She said no problem,il give you the money for back and you can use your Uber account.
Then she gave me half the taxi fare(I don't know how she thought that was correct)
Then popped in Superdrug and I had a few things,she hands me those and says "can you pay for these and il give you money,I hate paying with my card"
I said no,I said it gets too confusing.
Can we just pay for our own things.
Aibu to say that ?
Do I mention that she never pays ?

She’s a piss taking CF OP! She’s doing it on purpose to try and get you to foot the bill for her shit. Either say no in future or tell her she currently owes you around £50. I’m sure she’ll stop asking for things after that. I know someone just like this and they’re not skint at all just really tight fisted!

You could try 'Oh, sorry, I forgot to look...' or 'I couldn't see any...' if you don't want to have a confrontation on the shopping front.

She’s taking advantage of you! Next time you’re out together , take a leaf out of her book and hand her your stuff instead to pay for, tell her it’ll offset what she owes you? And keep doing it till you reckon you’re Square ( so maybe, for the next year or so )

She sounds weird. I would not tell her when I am going into town. She hates using her card 🙄. She may be short of cash but then she should cut back. It's very rude to expect someone else to pay.

@Kisskiss agreed or tell her you have forgotten your purse and then if she mentions payment say you are even.

Just say no you can’t afford it. Don’t offer to pay first for the taxi tell her she can pay and you will pay on the way back next time.

Yes, I should have walked off then!!! She came across as bubbly and friendly, but she was not a nice woman, lousy in fact.

She's taking the piss! My bestie will ask me to grab her things in town but she's always waiting with the money or puts it in my account while I'm in town and vice versa. Your "friend" is using you and the fact that your scared to ask for your money incase she throws a wobbler makes me think your getting nothing out of this friendship other than hassle. If she's a real friend she'll grow up and pay up, if not then at least you know where you stand huni xx

That is severe piss taking. My best friend and I have both gone through periods of being skint and being reasonably comfortable, whilst skint we literally have to be forced out by the other and we get quite mad at each other if we say no because of money. As soon as the tables turn and we are financially able we repay the favour we do. Your friend is just taking advantage!

She sounds like a user tbh @berryberry44
We do have a user in our group, she borrowed money off another of our friends and so far has made every effort to avoid paying it back. The lender is such a nice girl. Me, I'm a bitch so one day we were all at lunch which CF friend again tried to get nice girl to buy her lunch when I quickly stepped in and said nice girl I've already paid for you 😂😂 CF didn't buy her usual massive nosh up lunch.
So we're all eating and we get to the subject of lending and owing money.. I say CF aren't you stressed out cos if I owed Nice girl 5 grand I'd be so stressed out" she went silent we carried on with a different thread. Two days later its payed back. We haven't seen her since. Tbh she is just a piss taking bitch. She didn't have any financial issues as she was buying crap left right and centre. Sometimes you just gotta call out the c@*ts.
Dont let her treat you like a mug. You're too nice. I bet if you owed her money she'd have her hand in your purse getting it back. Stand up for yourself and sod her childish tantrums.

My god, I'm sorry Op but your "friend" is treating you like a cash cow and taking you for a complete mug. How come you haven't already just told her no? £50 is quite a lot. You could spend that on yourself or dc if you hsve them. She's no friend and is just using you.

A useful phrase is " No, I'm not going to do that"
It's so much clearer than "I can't" and impossible to argue with.
You might get asked why not, and then you say 'because you still owe me £50.'
I had a friend a bit like this - she was the DM of my DD's friend, and she was pretty broke (ill health, useless DP etc) so I'd ask her to babysit, buy things from her, and outright lend her money for the electricity etc. I never got it back, and one day I calculated that I'd probably given her about £500 over the years.
One day I said 'I'm not going to lend you any more money, I can't afford it'.

I never heard from her again.

Is her name Cait?

We have been friends for over 15 years but you can't say anything to her or she fly's off the handle.
She does this to make you uncomfortable.

She knows I won't ever ask for it.
Time to change this.

I feel cheeky saying "that's £10.25 please
You feel cheeky? FFS there's only one CF here and it's not you.

Send text,
"Doing my accounts and realised that you owe me £50, taxi, shampoo, pj's. I'm sure it's an oversight on your part but I need to pay off my credit card. If you could transfer the money by Wednesday, thanks"

You need to grow a backbone and stop moaning. Why the hell didn't you say something when she didn't hand over enough for the taxi.

On what planet is asking for money you are owed confrontational?

Reply to the PJ’s message with something like “Do you think I’ve had some kind of lottery win and not told you? You already owe me for .... and I’m skint tbh til payday so if you could transfer/PayPal/drop it over ASAP that would be great thanks”

People like this absolutely know what they’re doing and honestly reply on the politeness of others to get out of paying
If she’s funny with you over it OP then unfortunately you know she sees you as more of a meal ticket than a friend 😡
xX

Please wipe mug off your head!

Just kindly mention to her that your not buying anything else for her as she still owes you for the previous things. Don't pay for anymore as I feel she is taking advantage of your kind nature, and using you.

YANBU.... I had a frenemy like this.

She's not your friend so just keep saying no and when she asks why remind her she already owes you money.

Send a message:

Hiya, can you send a bank transfer for £50 to me please? (The 50 is made up of the candle£?, the whatever £x, and the rest of the Uber fare which you gave me £10 for but it was £18 or whatever). See you next week. Op

Then if she gets pissy, you’ll know for sure she’s a CF

Wow sorry hun shes no friend a friend wouldnt use friends this way she is just using u
How long have u been friends ??
Is she supposed to be your best friend ?
As she certainly isnt acting like one she using every excuse to get u to pay sorry but you dont need that negativity or a so called friend like that in ur life hope u sort it and just say no ur sick of it and it always leave u out of pocket
Xx

If you don’t want to get the money back from her then write it off and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

If you bring her shopping - make sure she hands the money over ASK FOR IT and she says she’ll pay you next time make sure you ask her next time or if you’re getting a taxi say you can get pay the fare both ways because I paid for your shopping.

She genuinely might not know she’s doing it but I think she’s just using you. I bet if she paid for your shopping and you didn’t pay her back she would be asking for the money back.

Do you earn more than you're friend? I ask because I've had a similar situation in the past, paying for things, almost seemed expected because i earnt more. Small amounts here and there, at first I'd forget I paid last time then I'd assume other person must have forgot to, seemed silly to make a big deal out of a fiver here and there but actually when you added it all up it took the piss. It also gradually dawned on me that it was deliberate, they were engineering last minute scenarios which meant they had to conveniently disappear when it came to paying. But the final straw came when i picked up on little comments and digs "it's ok for you because you have more money than me".

Good on you for wising up to this OP, stick to your guns and keep all payments separate.

If you are a generous minded soul it can be difficult to ask for money owed. However I can't understand why you keep repeating the process op. That is throwing good money after bad. I would not be looking for pjs or anything else for her. I would simply say they didn't have them in your size without giving myself the trouble of looking. Likewise with other smaller items. Just 'forget' to get them. She will soon get the message. No-one can expect to just casually use their friends like this. It wouldn't be just about the money with me ...it would be about my self respect. I wouldn't want to enable a user. If you really can't ask ...and I can understand that for small amounts ...just stop shopping for her.

Tell her you can't. Also when your in a shop and she says she don't want to use her card tell her to find a cash point then and whilst she's at it she can get out the money she owes you for x y and z