My friend has stopped paying for things ..aibu to mention it?

[berryberry44]

My friend will ask me to get things from town whilst I'm up (just stupid things like shampoo or a candle etc ) but never gives me the money.
Yesterday I dropped off around £10 worth of things and she took the bag and didn't mention paying.
Then we went out for lunch and I said il get the taxi there and you pay back.
She said no problem,il give you the money for back and you can use your Uber account.
Then she gave me half the taxi fare(I don't know how she thought that was correct)
Then popped in Superdrug and I had a few things,she hands me those and says "can you pay for these and il give you money,I hate paying with my card"
I said no,I said it gets too confusing.
Can we just pay for our own things.
Aibu to say that ?
Do I mention that she never pays ?

She is stealing your money.

You are the problem not her
Who cares if she flies off the handle? For God's sake man up, demand your money back and walk away
I don't see what you are getting from this 'friendship'

I don't get it.

That's because you are obviously a nice person, looking at her through your nice person lens. She on the otherhand is not a nice person and is taking advantage of your nice nature.

She is making a mug of you essentially. I know that 15 years of friendship seems a lot, but this is not a true friendship.

If you really can't stand up to her, just tell her that you forgot to buy whatever it is she wants, and keep forgetting until she gets the message.

So basically, based upon your previous posts OP, you are paying her for the "Privilege" of being your friend.

Must be me but I would just tell her straight that she now owes you X amount and you need it. If she flies off the handle then just walk away and then go NC/block. No loss really!

@berryberry44 - she knows she can use you and that you are scared to confront her. She is not being a friend, she’s using you for cash.

Is she your only friend?

Text her ‘of course I’ll look and thanks for sending £x for part of the taxi ride. Can you transfer the other half this morning plus £x for the bread/milk etc? Then we’ll be straight I think’.

I’d be very interested in hearing her response to a direct request.

Stop being so bloody wet!

Could you text her, something simple like ‘just totting up what you owe me for the bits and pieces, I’m running a bit short this month so could you either PayPal me or I can pop over for the cash, let me know which one is good for you’!

*Lucy's suggestion is a good one.

She will either pay or not (more likely) but you will have a good reason for walking away from the "friendship" if necessary.

Has she been like this the whole 15 years you've been friends?

I agree with pp, you need to start saying no. If you don't want to confront her for past spends just say no to all future ones and suggest you each pay for your own.

She's walking all over you and has no respect.
Time to toughen up, OP. You can do it!

My DM has a friend like this. They've been friends for over 40 years. When I was a teenager, my DM complained to me about the friend coming out to eat and asking DM to pay and then never giving the money. I told DM that she allowed the friend to take advantage of her because she never said no or never asked for the money. This made her stop and think and she started saying no. Amazingly, her friend started finding the money to pay for herself once DM said no. They still go out, but DM only pays for herself. The friend thinks that my DPs have more money than her so they should pay.

She's using you. It won't stop unless you stop it.
You need to start saying no.
"No I can't pay for it for you."

You aren't so desperate to keep her friendship that you'll pay her for it so don't give her that impression!

Let's see if she's still your friend when she can get no more freebies from you...

Definitely use the "No, you already owe me £50' response when she asks you for something next time. It leaves the ball in her court and makes it clear you're not a mug anymore.

So cheeky!! If you can afford to I'd just write off what you've already paid for, then always get the money upfront before getting her anything. She might come up with excuses why she can't pay beforehand, but just say sorry I'm so skint at the minute.

Is she a good friend to you in other ways, spending aside? Do you have other friends and does she?

@berryberry44

We have been friends for over 15 years but you can't say anything to her or she fly's off the handle. She knows I won't ever ask for it. I feel cheeky saying "that's £10.25 please " If someone was coming to mine with things I had asked them to get,I would have the money ready. You know you have to pay for things. I don't get it.

Sorry but this is in part your own fault You turn up with things she asks you to fetch, surely is normal to say "reckless in the bag, came to 10.25. just give me the tenner save worrying about the change" or similar. If it's online, tell her she needs to transfer the cash first as you've got a cash flow issue.

Unless she's 96 and scared of technology still enabling her uselessness or at least step up and ask for the money

Start “forgetting” to get her stuff. She might stop asking you and if she says anything say “well you keep forgetting to pay me”.

She is really taking advantage of your good nature. I can’t stand people like this.

@berryberry44
At the start of lockdown, I managed to register my mum for online shopping - she's mid 80's and her only internet access is a small data allowance on the phone we bought for her 80th birthday, so she can more easily keep in touch wit family via whatsapp etc. I do her shopping for her and it's delivered to her. She insists on paying with her card. The first week there was a problem as she'd never set up passwords etc to use it online. I paid for her shopping. Within 24 hours, she'd been on the phone to her bank , set up the required passwords so I could use her card details for the groceries and she'd arranged for her bank to transfer the cost of the shopping to my account. I would have happily paid it for her, after all, she's my mum, but the point is that if a mid 80's, no internet person can do this , so can your 'friend', who presumably does have access to online banking/paypal etc.
She is not your friend. She sees you as her own magic ATM , one where she can take money out and her balance never diminishes , a bit like the magic purse in the old fairy tale.
You've had some great suggestions here, I suggest you follow them.

You should have said, "you pay for the taxi both ways today as you owe me for the shopping " or "can you pay for these as I bought x last time"

If you don't want to keep exact track then you create the opportunity for a similar reverse transaction next time.

What you don't do is just keep paying. She sees you as a mug. I'm not sure I'd be viewing her as a good friend. She's proving she's not. It's not even genuine no change requests. She's manufacturing situations for you to pay.

The fact that she only gave you half for the return taxi fare tells you all you need to know OP.

Too late now but you should have called her out on that at the very least.

So you pay 3 Quarters of the taxi and she gets away with paying just 1!

I would definitely have had to say something at the time about that.

Cheeky mare, she knows exactly what she is doing.

You’re not doing very well op, your boyfriends a liar and your friend is a thief.
Stand up for yourself and get rid of them both ffs.

You know this is not normal and you excuse her behaviour because you are scared of her.
This is not friendship.
If you were married, we would all say LTB.
In this case ditch the user who takes your money and scares you - that's not a friend

In what kind of way is she any sort of friend?!

Why do you worry about her flying off the handle? Do you have such low esteem that you want to keep this 'friend' at all costs?

And why can't you say no - more to the point!!!

She's a shit friend and she's taking advantage of you.

If you haven't learned up to now to stop buying her stuff, I hope all these comments will stop you from having the piss taken out of you anymore.

It's simple, either just be honest and just say no to her requests unless shes pays you upfront or if you're not brave enough for that (understandable with such a twat of a friend), make up an excuse. I.e. Couldn't find it, forgot to get it, left my card at home.

Stop being mugged off.