The bloody British class system

[notth]

Nc for this.

I live in the UK but am not from here.

My DP and all his friends are very public school and old money and I really get the impression that they judge me and look down on me (not him, obviously).

Is it because I'm from Aus or because I don't fit into things or very clearly not as educated at them?!

I get this impression especially from the girls.

I've read on mn lots that properly posh people aren't snobby .... but it's not true is it?

I get this impression especially from the girls.

If just the girls it's more likely that you are an external and unquantifiable sexual threat and they're rather unpleasant people than anything to do with class.

It’s impossible to say without knowing your DP or his friends!

Some posh people are very cliquey and look down on those they believe to be outside of their social status. But then others are more relaxed and open to friends and acquaintances from a range of backgrounds. Often with those people you don’t even realise the extent of their wealth or family as they’re quite low key about it.
Some may try to be the latter, but the former is too ingrained in them.

I’ve encountered more snobbishness from middle class people and sometimes bizarrely, working class people. My profession and income dictates I am middle class but my family were working class. I was ridiculed at school because we had a downstairs bathroom rather than a superior upstairs bathroom in the local council houses! There are rules but also no rules. Don’t sweat it and ignore the knobs.

If they're actually proper posh then it's more likely to be cliquey

All that stuff about how proper posh people are friendly is true - but that doesn't mean they will become ACTUAL friends with you

The aristo near me where I grew up was lovely, her family had lived there 500 years - I still knew no one who was actually friends with her - and it was a very small place

You stole one of the eligible males. That’s frightfully cheeky don’t you know.

Some people are snobs and at least if they are overtly snobbish you know that they are people to keep at a distance.

Oh yes the British class system. It's amazing.

If you're happy with who you are they probably just don't like that!

Could be because they’ve all known each other for donkey’s years and it’s hard for an outsider to fit in. Have you and your DH been together long?

Some pretentious wankers believe that if you're not from their 'set' you shouldn't marry into their set. Fuck them. People like that lead miserable lives and there is no punishment greater for a person like that than for you to laugh at them and live a lovely, happy life. They'll want to get under your skin and make you doubt yourself; by refusing you'll get under theirs.

@timetest no - all he boys know each other from school and all the girls don't know each other except via the husbands but they all just seem the same - look/dress/speak the same and all went to boarding school.

Honestly I'm pretty posh by the MN standards (discussed regularly). Friends and I couldn't care less where someone is from, though we may appear cliquey sometimes. Don't assume it's a class thing it probably isn't. Unless they're dicks.

Well you say they judge you whilst seeming judging them?. You assume it's because they are 'upper class Or snobby' maybe they are just arse holes. See what you did there?

My fiancees friends are like this. The girls in particular are dicks difficult and they have known each other yonks.

I went to a better public school and earn more than almost all of them (but have the audacity to do this without being a MD/lawyer/managment consultant) but if i didnt i would assume they were being snobby.

They aren't - its a clique thing. The women are much more willing to let their plus 1s in but the GFs and wives of the blokes just arent included. And if we turn up their behaviour is frankly shitty.

I've given up.

I've read on mn lots that properly posh people aren't snobby .... but it's not true is it? No it isn't. Birds of a feather flock together. However why do you care what they think. Just slap a smile on and ignore.

With all due respect , op, are you very pretty?

I recommend Watching the English by Kate Fox.
Watching the English: The International Bestseller Revised and Updated www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1444785206/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_HfzlFbKJKEF0Y?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Anecdote only, but my experience with posh entitled? boarding school girls left me reluctant to meet any more. To say they were cliquey was an understatement. Talking about sticking to your tribe only!

Yes to Kate Fox's book, it's fab

@managedmis well my mum and boyfriend think so but realistically they are all very pretty and lovely looking so I don't think it's a jealousy thing!

Are you sure you aren't insecure ? I get this from friends because I'm 'posh' .. I don't give a shit who you are as long as you are nice to me 🤷‍♀️

Yes, I would agree with @huuunderickssss . I am Australian and have never had this issue.

@lockitdown @huuunderickssss

I'm not insecure, I feel happy with who I am but I just get a clear message that I.am.not.one.of.them - but I guess it could be for other reasons of course!

Then don't worry about it .. enjoy your life and don't think about it !

It's not you, it's them.
So you're different, so what? Nice people will get to know you and accept you are who you are.

And no- you're not one of them, but so what? DP chose you, and it's patently obvious to him you're not like them.

Its 2020. Class doesn't exist, especially if you're an ethnic minority.

If anyone tells me I belong to a certain class I'll tell them to fuck off back to the Victorian era.