The bloody British class system

[notth]

Nc for this.

I live in the UK but am not from here.

My DP and all his friends are very public school and old money and I really get the impression that they judge me and look down on me (not him, obviously).

Is it because I'm from Aus or because I don't fit into things or very clearly not as educated at them?!

I get this impression especially from the girls.

I've read on mn lots that properly posh people aren't snobby .... but it's not true is it?

Google "pecking order". Those chickens less secure in their socially ordered position peck more to prevent up-comers from supplanting them. It's why we see so much mutual enforcement, aggressive judgement and snobbery within sections of the middle classes.

I've read on mn lots that properly posh people aren't snobby .... but it's not true is it?

No, some Mumsnetters like to believe that real old money is battered landrovers, aged Barbour jackets tied together with string and a smell of wet dog with no snobbery at all.

It's a myth. There is nice old money, snobby old money, flash old money, grifter old money, bitchy old money...

OP- you are not describing a national “class system.”

I’m not saying there isn’t one- I’d be the last to know.

And my (long) experience of Australians is that they are a) oversensitive on matters of class b) assume that a reasonably RP accent means that the person is a snob and c) are very anti-English.

People are confusing ‘will they be charming and pleasant to you when you meet them at an event/serve them/are a peasant in their demesne’ (yes, absolutely) with ‘will they want to be your mate and invite you to dinner/skiing/the gymkhana’ (prob not, no, I mean of course they totally WOULD it’s just that cams withington-smythe and char hillsley-martin have been booked in for ages and it might just all be a bit hectic but not to worry we’ll ABSOLUTELY get another date in soon but in the meantime thanks for lending me that thing/agreeing to check the animals/doing me this huge random favour it’s so sweet of you, okay lots of love darling bye bye bye bye)

Class absolutely dies exists.

You'll get people on here claiming it doesn't, probably because they're from the more privileged ones. There's also a lot of people who think getting a well paying job changes their class. It doesn't. The queen could get a checkout job and move to a council house. She wouldn't be working class.

You see it on here all the time. Not so much snobbery but a lack of understanding of how people outside their circle live. A thread recently where someone's income was dropping and they were asking for tips on how to live on £1,000 after bills. There was saying £1,000 a month after bills is a miserable life.

There's also been thread complaining about xx at the end of posts happening more and more and it's a working class thing and belong at netmums.

And the venom towards the working class areas that switched to tories on here in December was disgusting. People wishing disability insurance their children to teach them a lesson for voting wrong.

Class is very much still a thing in the U.K.

No, some Mumsnetters like to believe that real old money is battered landrovers, aged Barbour jackets tied together with string and a smell of wet dog with no snobbery at all.

It's a myth. There is nice old money, snobby old money, flash old money, grifter old money, bitchy old money...

Yep. Not just a MN thing it’s an internet thing.

The ultimate tenet of the British class system is that Real Upper Class People are Not Snobby, they are Not Like the Middle Classes, they are Above that Sort of Thing. And we buy into that and believe that a whole large group of different individuals will all share the same admirable virtues because of the class they belong to- but of course class doesn't matter these days, does it?

Anyone who thinks truly posh people are not snobs is just a deluded fool, tbh. “Truly posh” people are human beings prone to exactly the same weaknesses as the rest of the world.

I think it was Billy Connolly who once said the working classes and upper classes get on famously, it's the middle classes that are a pain in the bum.

Before I was married I went out with a man who could trace an ancestor who served on the HMS Victory. The family were multi-generational members of the Navy, and were very proud about the fact. Also very upper middle class and snobby. When my then-bf's DM found out my parents worked in factories and shops, she almost had a fit. The whole family and their friends kept referring to families and individuals they knew whom I had never heard of. "Do you know (so and so double barrelled name)? Went to school with (name) at (school). No? Where did you go to school? Oh dear." They were petrified of their family name getting into scandal and they spent an enormous effort putting on a face of respectability. I just didn't fit in. When the bf said I needed to dress like his sister because I stood out too much wearing (shudder) chain store clothes I knew we were on the skids. I was about to dump him when he dumped me. I think his mother got over her fit and told him to get rid.

I am now married to a very ordinary man from an ordinary family that knows it's dysfunctional and revels in it. No airs and graces at all. Much less stressful.

Maybe they just don’t like you?

It sounds like they are just not very nice people - nothing to do with class. Acting that way about your lovely new watch, how rude! Very unclassy ;)

There is, of course, the argument that the working class and upper class “get on well” because they both “know their place” - ie the truly upper class expect the working classes to stay working class. The knots the aristocracy tied itself in when its members had to start marrying into wealthy American families (holding their noses because of the stench of “trade” about them, but knowing they needed their money...) is a prime example of how untrue it is that the truly posh were ever blind to class. It’s the truly posh that invented the class system and structure in the first place.

My friends father (old money posh) asked dh if he had any ancestors which we thought quite funny as how would he exist otherwise 😁 think he meant notable ancestors but still!

I’m working class (actually had very little growing up and in and out of homeless shelters or foster care) but now I’m probably in the “middle class“ bracket. At university and beyond I made friends with uber rich people (both old and new money) and I found no snobbiness on their behalf at all. I didn’t treat them differently, they didn’t treat me differently. The only thing that set us apart was during uni I worked 4/5 nights a week during term time and they had much better stories of how they spent their holidays! In all seriousness though I never felt judged - I felt more judged growing up than I did as an adult. Your problem sounds more like cliquey partners which unfortunately does happen when the partners have know each other for a while!

They sound bitchy and I agree with other posters probably very insular and insecure and jealous. But you can’t buy your way in with a Cartier watch- unlike America where success is admired - here it doesn’t matter how much money you acquire if your background isn’t right you ain’t joining in! Don’t know why you’d want to personally. Hope you make some real friends and ignore the others

I think they’re probably not really as posh as all that and feel quite insecure about it. Loads of people go to boarding school and have money, but that doesn’t make them upper class. After all, Kate Middleton’s mother was born in a Council flat, but made enough money for her children to go to boarding school.

Sounds to me like harping on about it and uniting in putting you down makes them feel more confident about their own sense of place in the world.

If your boyfriend is kind to you, ignore his friends.

Indian here
Class matters, caste matters, religion matters
They all matter, Don't kid yourself otherwise

@thistimeofyear yeah, wondering if they found it cringe - whereas for me it's just something beautiful to own but maybe it looked try hard and I don't 'get' it

That's to whomever said ethnic minorities don't have class systems.

The queen could get a checkout job and move to a council house. She wouldn't be working class

But it would be marvellous wouldn't it? Her name badge would say "Hello, our name is Liz", and every transaction would begin "And what do you do?" and end with "Does one have a Nectar Card?"

I don’t know anyone who would ever look down at an Australian.

However! Do they like rugby or cricket?

Kate Middleton's mother didn't make enough money for them all to go to boarding school. She married their father who had a family trust fund that sent them all to boarding school.

Which is not to say Carole didn't later make a packet with Party Pieces.

Nothing worse than the classic Public School mob. Awfully unkind. No sexual morals whatsoever. I put it down to the type of parents who choose Public School for their kids. Must’ve had a horrible childhood. Either that or they are just dicks. Just smile and detach, op.