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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get my almost 15 year old condoms

187 replies

EveOnline2016 · 06/08/2020 16:43

He is sexually active as he has told me.

Dad says I’m encouraging but I rather he be safe even if I am encouraging it by getting them for him.

OP posts:
Jihhery · 06/08/2020 18:53

I'd have a problem with him being sexually active, personally. He's too young. But yes I would make sure there were condoms available, better that he's getting them himself though

GisAFag · 06/08/2020 18:55

Good he told you but wow.. He can be arrested for rape if person under 16 as its classef as non consensual even if both say yes.

LST · 06/08/2020 18:55

I was 14 and in fact most of the group of friends I had at the time were the same age. My mum put me on the pill.

I would provide him with condoms and have a chat to him about consent etc.

Flynn999 · 06/08/2020 18:59

“ I'd encourage him to get them himself via a sexual health clinic so that he can get a bit of education/an STD test/some independence and confidentiality, and so that you don't have to keep shelling out on condoms.”

CarrotCakeCrumbs · 06/08/2020 19:00

I'm wondering if some of the people responding with shock remember being teenagers. It may not be round either parents home - teenagers with raging hormones aren't generally picky and very creative. The law is there to PROTECT children from abuse not prosecute two curious, same age teenagers who are experimenting. No court in the country is going to waste their time on that one. The only thing that denying them condoms, and telling them not to have sex is going to result in - is your teenager doing it behind your back and being far less likely to come to you if something does go wrong and then when they finally do tell it's gone because they can't hide it anymore it's too late to do much about whatever's gone wrong. Telling the other girls parents is a really bad idea - not only will it cause OPs son to distrust her, it could potentially land the girl in a hell of a lot of trouble at home. Not all parents are wonderful people.

Knowledge is power and now that the OP has the knowledge that her son is sexually active, she has the power to make sure that he well informed of everything that he needs to know and in turn will give him the power to practice safe sex and protect himself from STIs and accidental pregnancies.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/08/2020 19:01

@GisAFag

Good he told you but wow.. He can be arrested for rape if person under 16 as its classef as non consensual even if both say yes.
Well they're both under 16 so surely that goes both ways. The issue would be if she were 12 or whomever is 16 first.

I'd be mindful of the fine line between encouraging him to be careful and actively supporting his sex life. Have you had the chat about how they're not 100%, what happens if she falls pregnant etc op? As well as no photos etc?

SleepingStandingUp · 06/08/2020 19:02

And you, direct him to sexual health services, they're free

jimmyhill · 06/08/2020 19:04

Good he told you but wow.. He can be arrested for rape if person under 16 as its classef as non consensual even if both say yes.

Not in the UK, dummy

AbbieFB · 06/08/2020 19:05

I would, but on the basis that he's going to have sex anyway.

I think it's too young and I would be concerned.

Purpletigers · 06/08/2020 19:13

I wouldn’t buy my 14 year old child condoms .Its much too young to be having sex . 14 ? They’re only going into the first year of GCSEs . Can’t they just watch a film together and have a snog like normal kids ?

PhilSwagielka · 06/08/2020 19:13

YANBU. He's way too young to be having sex, but if he is going to have it he should use protection.

uglyface · 06/08/2020 19:14

My stepmum used have a condom drawer in the kitchen. She was horrified by how often my brother seemed to empty it. My dad was mildly impressed 🤦🏻‍♀️

Rabblemum · 06/08/2020 19:14

Buy your son condoms but have words, make it casual and friendly.

It’s great your son is open with you about sex, pat yourself on the back for being good parents. Stay friendly and you have more chance of keeping everyone involved safe.

Purpletigers · 06/08/2020 19:14

Would he be happy to be a father ? If the answer is no then he taking a huge risk .

imissthesouth · 06/08/2020 19:16

YANBU, does he want to be a father at 15😳

mosquitofeast · 06/08/2020 19:16

@InTheWings

Mosquitofeast
  1. The OP's DS is talking to his Mum, and is already taking responsibility for his 'behaviour'
  2. He is not 'sleeping around' , he is in a sexual relationship with his one girlfriend.

There is a wide spectrum of experience between 'do your (bound to fail) best to prevent teenagers having sex under any circumstances' and 'oops, there you go, father of 2 babies'.

The OP is looking to the middle ground. Sensible, since banning sex will surely fail.

Of course banning sex won't fail. He is a child. Parent him!
ScorpioSphinxInACalicoDress · 06/08/2020 19:18

As long as he stays the fuck away from our daughters.

Thisismytimetoshine · 06/08/2020 19:18

Christ, 14... Hmm at all the cheerleaders.
FWIW, the only children people I knew at that age who were sexually active had been abused. All of them.

LongAndWhiningRoad · 06/08/2020 19:21

FWIW, the only children people I knew at that age who were sexually active had been abused. All of them

It's not really worth anything. None of the people I knew doing it at that age were (to my knowledge). And that includes myself.

maddiemookins16mum · 06/08/2020 19:21

Can’t believe all the people practically encouraging the OP to give her child ‘permission’ to have as much sex as he likes.

mosquitofeast · 06/08/2020 19:22

@InTheWings

Between 1 in 5 and 1 in 11 teens have had sex before 15.

That's between 10% and 20%

It isn't as unusual as many people seem to think.

That doesn't make it right. And if parents collude like the posters on this thread are doing, then it will happen more. I am a teacher. I see children badly damaged by underage relationships every year. The fallout, physical, emotional, medical and educational, is horrific.

Children need parenting. Parenting means guiding away from behaviour that is likely to damage them.

Judging by these replies, there seem to be a lot of parents who think it is ok not to bother to parent. Makes me wonder why they became parents if they can't be bothered to do it.

AIMD · 06/08/2020 19:22

So that’s really young!
However YANBU to provide condoms for him so long as you are giving other advice and doing what you can to keep them safe.

Obviously it would be better they waited to have sex but if they are going to have sex then having access to condoms is better than doing it without.

Pixxie7 · 06/08/2020 19:22

In Holland they start giving contraception from the age of 12 and have the lowest incidence of unwanted pregnancies in Europe. So yes I would.

tempnamechange98765 · 06/08/2020 19:23

Oh gosh I'd be absolutely mortified and devastated but I was sexually active at just 15 myself so completely hypocritical. I didn't have a baby until I planned one with my DH either, I ALWAYS used condoms. It's good he's being sensible in terms of protection.

As he's told you, I'd use that cue to have a frank conversation with him, tell him it's good he's using protection, and maybe ask if he wants you to buy them?

AIMD · 06/08/2020 19:24

@AIMD

So that’s really young! However YANBU to provide condoms for him so long as you are giving other advice and doing what you can to keep them safe.

Obviously it would be better they waited to have sex but if they are going to have sex then having access to condoms is better than doing it without.

I’m presuming that you’ve talked about consent, legalities (eg of sending pictures and his age in relation to the age of the person he is having sex with etc), sexual health etc.
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