Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get my almost 15 year old condoms

187 replies

EveOnline2016 · 06/08/2020 16:43

He is sexually active as he has told me.

Dad says I’m encouraging but I rather he be safe even if I am encouraging it by getting them for him.

OP posts:
netflixismysidehustle · 06/08/2020 17:18

Yanbu.
I'd be delighted that he told me and was being safe.

WorraLiberty · 06/08/2020 17:18

@Mintjulia

Bowl of mixed condoms on top of he bathroom cabinet. Keep topping them up.

He’s going to have sex anyway, so do everything you can to protect him - and his partner.

What a funny place to put them.

Why not in his bedroom?

Marriedtoapenguin · 06/08/2020 17:19

Well done for having the relationship with him where he actually does tell you he's getting up to what teens do. I'd have rather jumped off a cliff than talk to my mother tbh.

He's given you the respect of talking so give him the respect back by helping him to be safe.

WorraLiberty · 06/08/2020 17:21

And personally I'd be seeing that he ordered some online and paid for them himself.

If he thinks he's responsible enough to have sex at 14, he's responsible enough to order and pay for his condoms.

AuntyPasta · 06/08/2020 17:21

“I would find out who he is/has been sexually active with and contact their parents to ensure they understand what is going on.”

And in 10 years or so your DS might actually confide in you again ...

dementedma · 06/08/2020 17:21

If he's old enough to be screwing around, he's old enough to take responsibility and buy his own surely?

ineedaholidaynow · 06/08/2020 17:22

How old is their partner?

AuntyPasta · 06/08/2020 17:23

I love the idea that you should make him buy his own condoms. That’ll learn him Hmm

Bubblemonkey · 06/08/2020 17:23

They’ll be shagging regardless. Better to be protected than end up with an accidental baby.

Shouldbedancingyeah · 06/08/2020 17:24

YANBU at all but he probably won’t use them

billy1966 · 06/08/2020 17:25

I would be encouraging safe sex and supplying him.

I would be also stressing how seriously unimpressed his father and I would be at him getting a girl pregnant.

If he feels he is old enough to have sex, he is old enough to have his mother and father spell out the truth about teenage pregnancy and the consequences.

About having to pay for a child for the next 18 years and exactly what his responsibilities would be.

No point in pussy footing about the place with this.

Is he emotionally mature?

Because OP, I wouldn't hesitate to really take huge time to discuss his choices with him.

Should he get a young girl pregnant, you and your husband will be hugely affected by this, not to mind the girl and her family.

The consequences are huge and long.

I do not believe teen pregnancies are a good thing.

Teens are big children and they need every one of their years of childhood to be children before carrying the huge responsibility of parenthood.

Best of luck.Flowers

WorraLiberty · 06/08/2020 17:29

@AuntyPasta

I love the idea that you should make him buy his own condoms. That’ll learn him Hmm
'Learn him' what?

It's not about 'learning him', it's about him taking responsibility.

Why should the OP have to pay for her 14 year old to have sex, when she can make sure he orders condoms online?

ODFOx · 06/08/2020 17:31

Get him down to the nurse at the GPs. They'll give him a c-card so he can get them free from anywhere displaying a discreet sign. Teenage parenthood isn't something to be taken lightly. He should be using a condom even if his gf is using contraception as a joint responsibility and to protect from STIs. The nurse will also give him a chlamydia test to send away too. They've seen it all before. You don't have to be encouraging the behaviour to be understanding and careful.
Or, is he gay? If so he can get HPV vaccination too. Lots of good support available for teens within the nhs.

safariboot · 06/08/2020 17:33

His dad is flat wrong. Denying young people contraception doesn't discourage them from having sex, it just means he'll end up having unsafe sex.

Your son is underage and therefore should be discouraged from having sex, but stick a pack of Durex in the next grocery shop anyway.

AuntyPasta · 06/08/2020 17:34

”Why should the OP have to pay for her 14 year old to have sex, when she can make sure he orders condoms online?”

Er, because the OP is the one desperate to encourage him to use protection.

WorraLiberty · 06/08/2020 17:35

Er, because the OP is the one desperate to encourage him to use protection.

Good, then she can stand over him while he buys them online with his pocket money.

jgjgjgjgjg · 06/08/2020 17:36

14? Seriously?? Have you checked what age his sexual partners are? He could get in serious trouble if he is having sex with girls younger than him.

InTheWings · 06/08/2020 17:36

'Screwing around'??

The most important thing is that if he is having sex (obviously the most important thing of all is that he is having consensual sex) he is doing it safely, and that means condoms, no ifs, no buts and even if his partner is on the pill / has an implant etc.

So, yes, I would make sure he has condoms.

Alongside that I would make sure he knows where to get them for free, and encourage him to acquire them, with the access to health ed and any other support he needs.

If it is an issue of cost you can get them free from clinic to give them to him.

golddustwomen · 06/08/2020 17:40

100% yes. I also thing it's brilliant he told you.

InTheWings · 06/08/2020 17:41

Worra - do you have teenagers?

Any fule kno condoms are available free.

And the activity of sex is free.

If teens (too young to earn) don't have access to the info about where to get contraception free (including from a parent) ,...they may well end up pregnant / responsible for a pregnancy, or diseased. And wouldn't THAT be a great way for them to learn.

Original poster
EveOnline2016 · 06/08/2020 17:41

He is using them and spending his own money on them.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 06/08/2020 17:43

I wouldn’t want my mum buying me condoms. Does he want you to buy them for him? Maybe it’s better to direct him to free sources for them.

viques · 06/08/2020 17:43

Remind him too that condoms are not infallible, they can break, slip off and in other ways not be the best contraceptive for the inexperienced. If he is having sex with a girl it's great that he is being responsible and using them but he needs to understand that while he is doing the right thing she should be making sure at she is protecting herself against accidental pregnancy.

Good suggestions too re talking about consent. Also about privacy, sex videos, photos and discussing their private life with friends. These days a sexual relationship for a young person can be a minefield that can blow up with devastating consequences, for both parties.

And while you are on a roll, [poorboy !!! ] remind him that whatever he might have seen online in porn films anal sex, hitting, facial ejaculation, slapping and throat holding are not what women generally like and that violent sexual acts can be dangerous.

ineedaholidaynow · 06/08/2020 17:43

Is his partner using contraception too?

blacktop · 06/08/2020 17:43

@jgjgjgjgjg

14? Seriously?? Have you checked what age his sexual partners are? He could get in serious trouble if he is having sex with girls younger than him.

What an awful idea of males you truly have.

I indicated on the ages of partners earlier in the thread due to concern the OPDD was being taken advantage of.

What kind of a person hears of a 14 year old having sex and immediately steps to lay blame on them and assume they are abusing others Hmm