To get my almost 15 year old condoms

[EveOnline2016]

He is sexually active as he has told me.

Dad says I’m encouraging but I rather he be safe even if I am encouraging it by getting them for him.

DS sorry autocorrect

Better he uses protection than ends up with an unwanted/unplanned child... Assume the GUM clinics are probably running v reduced services atm so it's great you are willing to get him protection.
However definitely discussions around consent/sexting and STD/STIs need to be had before you hand them over.

www.fpa.org.uk/factsheets/law-on-sex

If in England:
"It is an offence for anyone to have any sexual activity with a person under the age of 16. However, Home Office guidance [1] is clear that there is no intention to prosecute teenagers under the age of 16 where both mutually agree and where they are of a similar age "

Well that’s good. Make sure he knows where to get them for free - loads of people have posted info on that.

Condoms don’t encourage sex, they encourage safe sex.

OP - if he is spending his own money, tell him where he can get them free.
And have a back up stock that he can access in case he runs out.

If he has already started having sex, then buying him the condoms isn't going to encourage him to have more sex it's just going to encourage him to have safe sex. He is entitled to free condoms with a C card as someone else mentioned so do get that sorted for him. I wouldn't expect him to pay out of his own pocket money because all that will happen is then is that he may choose not to spend the pocket money on them when he runs out - teens can have an amazing sence of invincibility - I would remind him every so often to check he isn't running low too, they also arent the most reliable.

You do definitely need to have a conversation and fine out how old his partner is - I know most posts on here are concerned that he older than her but he may also be younger than she is! But clearly he has a very trusting relationship with you and hopefully he knows he can come to you if he is worried about anything.

no, you should not be colluding with this behaviour at all.

I know a young man who had two children born to him at 16, two different mums. He was given custody of one of them after SS removed her from her mum.

I have talked to him many times about his situation. He has always said he doesn't understand why no one ever told him to stop and think. Everyone , parents, teachers, media, always gave him the impression his sleeping around was ok. He feels very let down. Now he warns other teenagers not to do it.

You don't want your son to look back when he is older, and ask you why you didn't parent him.

They are both in the same year group in school and lost it to each other.

And I know my two closest friends at school were sexually active at that age. One graduated from Oxford, the other from a Russell Group, both with 2:1s. Neither had a child before they turned 30.

I agree with PP’s that you need to have a frank conversation with him about his partner’s age, what sort of contraception they’re using AND buy him condoms. Also make him aware of what’s available through your local clinic.

I recently took my DD (15, the age of consent where I live) to her first OB/gyn visit. We’re in the US so different health system. I wanted her to be able to discuss sexual health and contraceptive options with a professional. I waited outside while they talked.

My DD broke up with her last bf a few months ago and has decided that she’s not ready to be sexually active or go on contraception yet- but now she knows where to go/what’s available to her when she’s ready. Hope all goes well, OP.

Do her parents know ?

Omg I'd be mortified.

Forget the condoms just make sure they both know to wear masks.

I don't think the issue is whether you pay for the condoms or whether he does. The payment doesn't represent encouragement. It's the conversations around it that are important ie about consent; about STDs; about pregnancy; about porn; about sexting; about being underage according to the law. I also wouldn't be presenting a divided parental front on this.

I would not appreciate my 14 year old CHILD to be having sex. Having said that I would be discussing consent, who, what, where and when. Technically you could be charged for providing the condoms -please get him to talk to the GP.
www.lawandparents.co.uk/underage-sex-how-protect-your-children.html#:~:text=There%20are%20different%20rules%20relating,is%20at%2010%20years%20old.

I was going to say maybe they are out of date!
Then I read the thread.

YANBU

Mosquitofeast

1. The OP's DS is talking to his Mum, and is already taking responsibility for his 'behaviour'
2. He is not 'sleeping around' , he is in a sexual relationship with his one girlfriend.

There is a wide spectrum of experience between 'do your (bound to fail) best to prevent teenagers having sex under any circumstances' and 'oops, there you go, father of 2 babies'.

The OP is looking to the middle ground. Sensible, since banning sex will surely fail.

There were some teen mums at our school but none of them were having sex at 14. It is so young. I'd be very concerned about the girl and would ensure her parents know.

I don't think anyone would want their 14 year old to have sex but the harsh reality is that some 14 year olds ARE going to have sex. Sexual urges begin around puberty, it isn't a new thing, and teens now are exposed to far more sexual content than previous generations were. Even if you have parental controls on your childs phone, you can guarantee that at least one of his friends in the playground will shown them pornographic content. Neither of the teens in this situation will get into trouble with the law as they are the same age and don't need protecting as such. The main thing here is that he was comfortable enough to come and talk to his mum, she can have a conversation about consent, safe sex, not using porn as a reference during sex etc. He is obviously one of the more responsible 14 year olds for buying and using his own condoms, but it is also important that he knows where he can be tested for STIs and get free advice and contraception.

If they are in the same year at school the OP's DS is very young in his year if he has not yet turned 15. She may have had her 15th B'day last September.

I would.
My mum did exactly the same for me when she found out I was sexually active.
She told me that she didn't condone it but she'd rather I was safe. As I would do it anyway.

@StareyCat

I misunderstood this at first and thought your condoms were almost 15 years old.

Glad it wasn’t just me.

I was going to say - what the heck, chance it!!

@InTheWings

Worra - do you have teenagers?

Any fule kno condoms are available free.

And the activity of sex is free.

If teens (too young to earn) don't have access to the info about where to get contraception free (including from a parent) ,...they may well end up pregnant / responsible for a pregnancy, or diseased. And wouldn't THAT be a great way for them to learn.

Yes I've had 2 teenagers and currently still have one.

Of course you can get them for free, but the 14yr old might feel happier not having to go and get them.

Most kids order everything online nowadays.

Also how well do you know the girl OP? Do you know her parents and how they are likely to react if you told them? I would be cautious telling a parent that their daughter is having sex if your not sure how they will react to that information. You could tell your son that she is able to get her own contraception from a GP without her parents knowing which should protect them from any pregnancies if used alongside the condoms.

Neither of you needs to be paying for condoms. He can get free ones very easily at any GUM or Family Planning place, you just walk in and they give them. You can also get them online now to come by post, just google 'free condoms by post'.

He can do this himself- maybe send him the link the first time and check he has done it.