To ask your opinion on this #WorldBreastfeedingWeek debate

[Napqueen1234]

Sorry if this sounds childish referred to social media etc but interested to canvas opinions.

A friend of mine shared a post on Instagram re world breastfeeding week about how it’s the best thing for baby and mum, so proud she could do it, perseverance etc. She’s a very zealous breastfeeder generally (and why not!) and was a good person to go to for advice when I was struggling although did say she was ‘disappointed I had given in’ after 2 months. Anyway!

Another friend then shared a post about Fed Is Best (she struggled bf and switched to formula and has always found it difficult seeing bf women, a lot of guilt and sadness that I feel she needs to process somehow) and how WBW is just another stick to beat ‘failed breast feeders’ with and anyone who wants to breastfeed gets loads of support from midwives etc and generally society nowadays so it isn’t needed.

Both have since messaged me about the other stating they are upset (we are a close group of 4, the other doesn’t have DC so I suppose I’m mediator). Friend one feels like this is one week where BF should be celebrated and acknowledged is better. Friend two feels mother’s should be more understanding to the feelings of those that couldn’t breastfeed and not ‘brag’.

I have remained fairly moderate and tried to calm things but who do you think is right?

YABU- it’s world breastfeeding week! It’s best let them have their moment.

YANBU- it can make women feel very sad who didn’t bf or who ‘failed’ so social media posts should be mindful of this.

Perhaps we could all agree - everyone needs access to support and information regardless of how they feed their baby. Both will give a baby an excellent start in life and no one is a better or worse parent for bf or ff.

Neither. Or both.

It's like Christmas vs festivus. Or valentines vs what the singletons go out and do.

Technically wbw. But the other side are also allowed to have a voice.

Somethingsnappy
In that case, I shall concede that I was wrong
If it has provoked a decent discussion then that’s great. I hate to see people ripping each other apart over this topic. We have all had our stories and our struggles.

Ethelfleda, very true! I quite like these threads, regardless of whether or not the OPs have had honourable intentions, as long as people stay civilised, more or less. I work with women and their babies postnatally, and it's so helpful to hear all the different sides of the story and differing opinions, because it helps me to have insight and empathy for everyone. The newborn period can be such a challenge and I hate to see mothers feeling judged or unsupported. The feeding side of things is just one of many emotive topics.

@Somethingsnappy @Ethelfleda I really wasn’t trying to start a massive bun fight between FF or BF at all (as you can see on my pp I have been on both sides and know the difficulties with both!). I just wondered what the general consensus was for this specific thing and actually got a much bigger (and very interesting) response than I anticipated.

It has been interesting and enlightening OP! As I mentioned, sometimes I wonder about the intentions of the OP in these types of thread, but I have given you the benefit of the doubt! Actually it's a shame that these threads can't be started without people like me wondering this, but they are sadly often bun fight fodder. This one has mostly been great though

[quote Napqueen1234]**@Somethingsnappy* @Ethelfleda* I really wasn’t trying to start a massive bun fight between FF or BF at all (as you can see on my pp I have been on both sides and know the difficulties with both!). I just wondered what the general consensus was for this specific thing and actually got a much bigger (and very interesting) response than I anticipated.[/quote]
Then please allow me to wholeheartedly apologise to you for getting it wrong. I would like to retract my ‘cool story bro’ comment. TBH, I was having a terrible day and it clouded my judgement.
Thank you for addressing me with respect though - I really appreciate it. It can be hostile here sometimes so it’s nice to see people going against the grain and remembering that there are human beings behind these posts.

I’m glad that people like snappy et al have gotten a lot out of this thread as well. It needs to be spoken about without resorting to in fighting. It is difficult, though as it is so personal. That is where I stand on the topic.

For complete clarity - I breastfed for nearly two years after a rocky start. I was one of the lucky ones though - received great support from NHS etc. But I suppport a woman’s right to feed however she chooses.

@Ethelfleda in the spirit of your last post, I’d like to apologise misinterpreting your comment and, instead of asking civilly what you meant, just flying off the handle.

Breast is best that's a fact! Yes it's unfortunate there isn't enough support out there for mothere who want to breastfeed but that doesn't mean they should take their grief/sadness/anger at failing to breastfeed in those who can and do! Fed is best is such a nonsense saying because you have to feed your baby, what is the alternative, starving them?!

No worries Piglet and thank you

Should we nominate this thread for classics because, despite some heated debate, the thread ended up being conciliatory? Must be the first BF/FF thread that’s ever happened on, surely?!

😜

@Piglet89 - I agree - one of the better threads on this emotive topic. I stand by the message below which I posted earlier on this thread.

Perhaps we could all agree - everyone needs access to support and information regardless of how they feed their baby. Both will give a baby an excellent start in life and no one is a better or worse parent for bf or ff.

As someone who did persist after breastfeeding problems and successfully breast fed three babies, I have to say that the guilt heaped on non-breastfeeders (whether they can't breastfeed or choose not to) makes me crazy. Formula is not poison, or fast food. It has saved the lives of millions of babies who couldn't be breastfed. Do you know what would have happened to your baby if your milk didn't come in, pre-formula days? Your baby would probably die of dysentery or malnutrition. Stop piling on expectations when new mothers are in a vulnerable state - they are doing the best they can.

I have been boycotting Nestle for decades because they encourage women in underdeveloped countries to spend money they can't spare buying formula they don't need, watering it down because they can't afford enough of it, or mixing it with unclean water because they don't have access to clean water and can't spare cooking fuel to boil it. They needlessly watch their babies die of dystentery or malnutrition and Nestle moves on to the next mother. It's unconscionable.

BUT, British mums are not in that position. If you can afford formula milk and prepare if correctly, there is nothing unreasonable about feeding your baby with it and no one should be criticised for choosing to do so, let alone for not being able to do so. Two women close to me were unable to breastfeed and felt ashamed and traumatised by it, and that's not right. Their babies are absolutely fine.

Tell your BF boosting friend that her attitude is hurtful to others, even though she is only trying to help. There are millions of things a mother will do or not do to benefit her baby, and to hang so much weight on this one is perverse and unhelpful.

Give them love, warmth, clean nappies and food (including formula) and your baby is 99.99% of the way to a healthy and happy life.

Cracking post @Localocal

Thanks, Piglet89 !

Sorry, thanks @Piglet89 !

@Localocal totally agree with you but that's got to go both ways. it's not only breastfeeding mums that shame formula feeding mums and, in fairness, this was a post about world breastfeeding day. it should exist, it is something to be celebrated and I don't think it should be stopped in case it causes offence. as I posted above it's not just about celebration, it is awareness and normalization - both good and bad experiences. it has achieved this goal by this thread alone - it has started a conversation.

Despite the pain it might cause a lot of people, I actually think we need to keep promoting it. Promoting it and normalising it helps more women do it. I think another reason I had more luck is because my fiends who had just had kids all did it. It has become normal and achievable in my circle. It is not supported enough and not normalised in my culture, which annoys me. In other cultures, it's much weirder to not breastfeed. Other women will literally breastfeed your child for you whilst you're working it out. There is so much to stop a woman doing it here.

I think the issue with your friend is that be has generally been insensitive about the issue.

I’ve no problem with promoting bf so long as there is an acceptance that some of us positivity chose to ff and are more than happy with our decision.

@strawberrypip - I totally agree. I was a militant public breastfeeder because it is so important to normalise breastfeeding so nursing mothers do not feel self-conscious about feeding their babies when out and about.

(Funny story - I was once kicked out of a public swimming pool by a spotty teenager while sitting in a spectator's chair by the pool watching my older child swim. Apparently breastfeeding violated their rules against eating and drinking in the pool area!)

Bottom line - sisters should have each others' backs whether they breastfeed or not, and whatever their reasons are. :)

Piglet, yes!

P.S. there is also another breastfeeding thread up today that is going well. So far so good!

Hi OP I haven't voted as i can see both sides of the argument. The reason I can see both sides of the argument is because I have tried to breastfeed 5 times, four of which, for various reasons only lasted between 3 days and 3 months, and my last has lasted 2.5 years, and still going! I have been both a failed and successful breastfeeder which is why I haven't posted anything for WBW. It would be nice if it was more accepted by society, but its not the be all and end all