‘I won’t be employing women with children again’

[Everhopefulhev]

AIBU in feeling really wound up by this comment?
I’ve just had to quit my new job as my childcare arrangement fell through which is shit for my employer because obviously they could do without having to find someone else. However, whilst talking to my current boss he said ‘I won’t be employing women with children again’ and told me not to take it personally or think he’s a dick for saying it.
Is this just an example of the problems women face in the workplace? Just because I didn’t work out for them they are disqualifying any further woman with a child?
I just find this type of thing infuriating.

Please tell me he text that to you

@AntiSocialDistancer

Please tell me he text that to you

God yes please let it be in writing.

Sadly, this an example of the sexism in the workplace. Many employers filter out women of child bearing age especially if they are married and catholic.

If you had just told him, if the business had spent money on recruiting you and invested in your training only to now find out that it was money down the pan and the process had to start again, then I would give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it came from a place of frustration and annoyance. Lots of ifs there though!

Sadly not!!!! It was over the phone - gutted.
I actually felt guilty for my situation because I know it’s inconvenient but bloody hell what a thing to say.
It makes my blood boil and now I no longer feel guilty I’m actually just glad I don’t work for someone who thinks this way any longer.

@Calic0 I get what you’re saying and I do feel shitty about the situation because it’s a huge annoyance for them.
I just also feel it that’s what he thinks I’m probably not the best person to vent to!

You quit your job ? Di you really have no other childcare options ?

Of course if that's true would be discrimination. But I can imagine the frustration of losing a staff member for this sole reason.

@Everhopefulhev - agreed, it’s not a great thing to say and it can’t have been nice to hear either.

But we’ve all said bloody stupid things in the heat of the moment and not meant them - well, I know I have!

Yes I quit my job because I had no other option

can their father not help out? Or quit his job?

As he's not allowed to ask about children in applications or interviews I wonder how he's planning on implementing that little breach of equality law?

What a twat.

I wouldn't just be wound up I'd be seething! This is just another example of the patriarchal society that we have to put up with.

I’m a single mum. I doubt my daughters father will quit his job.

It's definitely an issue women face in the workplace

However I can see why, smaller businesses especially would avoid hiring women with children or those likely to be having families soon. It's costly to replace staff, train them, invest in them, then they take maternity leave and you need to find a replacement, train them. Keep a role available for your member of staff who is on Mat leave and they might not come back.

My neighbour had an issue last year when 6 women in his business all got pregnant around the same time (used to joke there was something in the water - they all had girls too!) he only has 21 members of staff and this was a big issue and disruption for them all to be taking mat leave in the same 3 month period

I think most bosses would have more sense than to say it out loud but women who always take full responsibility for childcare, rather than seeing it as an equal responsibility with the father are a pain as employees.

If childcare options are that limited locally I dont imagine he'll get many women with children applying !

I think this will become more widespread because of Covid. There have been several articles on the BBC and elsewhere describing how woman are taking on far more of the homeschooling responsibilities than their men are. If I was an employer I wouldn’t want to hire women when they will only be doing half a job and won’t hold their men accountable for their responsibilities.

... I think he was frustrated, your boss obviously saw the value in you! & and hats the fact that you put DC before the job- as you have a choice!!

@finnystory some women don’t choose that - it’s the way it works out for them.

@FinnyStory

I think most bosses would have more sense than to say it out loud but women who always take full responsibility for childcare, rather than seeing it as an equal responsibility with the father are a pain as employees.

Right, and what about single parents? Do they not get to work?

I agree with JBizz.

However, whilst talking to my current boss he said ‘I won’t be employing women with children again’ and told me not to take it personally or think he’s a dick for saying it.

Showing he's well aware he's a dick. Gah.

I'd want to email him about something else and sneak "have been thinking about what you said the other re not employing women with children again" in there and try and get him to acknowledge that he said it, but I expect it would be very obvious and he wouldn't fall for it.

It’s not that the childcare options are limited. My DD is with a childminder two days a week and her grandparents the other three. I can’t pay £900 a month for childcare which I’d have to now as unfortunately her grandparents can no longer help out.

@katy1213 I don’t allow him to opt out of anything. I co parent with an impossible narcissist and life is hard enough. I should also take responsibility for his refusal to do help any more than he does?