‘I won’t be employing women with children again’

[Everhopefulhev]

AIBU in feeling really wound up by this comment?
I’ve just had to quit my new job as my childcare arrangement fell through which is shit for my employer because obviously they could do without having to find someone else. However, whilst talking to my current boss he said ‘I won’t be employing women with children again’ and told me not to take it personally or think he’s a dick for saying it.
Is this just an example of the problems women face in the workplace? Just because I didn’t work out for them they are disqualifying any further woman with a child?
I just find this type of thing infuriating.

[L8Bloomer]

@Everhopefulhev

I’m a single mum. I doubt my daughters father will quit his job.

Wow! And people are stupid enough to judge single mothers who receive benefits. It is crap OP

[Sinuhe]

I've seen it both ways... some mothers work really hard and seem to be able to get childcare on a whim (with lots of support from friends & family) and rearly having time off.
To someone who regularly had time off due to luck of childcare... often on a Friday or Monday. You can always tell when it's school holidays due to her absence. She never pais out for holiday clubs... just taks it unpaid "emergency" leave. It's frustrating as others have to do her job as well as hers.
I guess most of us are somewhere inbetween. Sadly with the way things are, more mothers will have to give up work due to luck of childcare.

[L8Bloomer]

My life only got easier and i only got the freedom to work when my youngest was old enough (just) to be home alone for the end of the day.
Being a single mother is so so so challenging but it is still easier than trying to get a narc x to HELP

[LouiseTrees]

@Everhopefulhev

It’s not that the childcare options are limited. My DD is with a childminder two days a week and her grandparents the other three. I can’t pay £900 a month for childcare which I’d have to now as unfortunately her grandparents can no longer help out.

And your employer couldn’t have let you go part time? Both sets of grandparents?

[user1487194234]

I understand those of my staff who have children can have childcare issues,I occasionally do myself
But it annoys me if it only the mum taking the responsibility
All this 'women will bear the brunt of the Covid at work'
Only if they are not in an equal partnership

[Everhopefulhev]

I of course did try to save my job by seeing if I could do it part time but that wasn’t an option. There are no local set of grandparents to help out. I love how people are questioning my ability to weigh up my options before waking out of my job but the ignorant comment that was made seems to be justified by a concerning number of you.

[Worstyear2020]

Yes it is very bad for us parents. My old boss said to me "don't have any more children" when i returned from maternity leave. Funny this seems to only effect woman still.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

This sort of thing makes my blood boil. The OP is being a responsible parent and is paying the price along with all other women of childbearing age because her near-employer now thinks women of that age are high risk. Meanwhile, her child's father, who by her account is ducking all his responsibilities to his child and his ex-partner, is getting off scot free in employment terms. Thousands of other men are doing similar. Why do we as a society tolerate this? Why aren't these parents who refuse to parent told in no uncertain terms by their families, friends, neighbours, colleagues and bosses that they are a disgrace? Why don't we as a society fund and back the CSA to collect the maintenance these deadbeats refuse to cough up for their own flesh and blood?

Good luck, OP. The silver lining may be that you've dodged a bullet there. First time your little one was ill and you had to ring in sick your card would have been marked, from the sound of it.

[Bemorechicken]

@Everhopefulhev

Sadly not!!!! It was over the phone - gutted.
I actually felt guilty for my situation because I know it’s inconvenient but bloody hell what a thing to say.
It makes my blood boil and now I no longer feel guilty I’m actually just glad I don’t work for someone who thinks this way any longer.

ACAS. Unfair dismissal. Although I would be tempted to ring him back and record it and say "When you said you wouldn't employ a woman with children -it was reall hurtful. etc "............

[Everhopefulhev]

Some mums don’t have a choice but to take responsibility.

[Justaboy]

I knew of a business who employed three woman sales persons who all decided to get in the family way within a short time of each other .

One at a time he could have coped with, but the whole salesforece at once, no.

He basically went bankrupt with the loss of income and the cost of hiring in replacmet staff and their cars to replace the women who were there.

This was a few years ago now i don't know if that situation has changed much. I don't expect it has ..

[L8Bloomer]

Yes, it is not a childcare issue, it's a being stuck with 100% of the responsibility problem.

You have all of my sympathy @Everhopefulhev

[Bemorechicken]

@Worstyear2020

Yes it is very bad for us parents. My old boss said to me "don't have any more children" when i returned from maternity leave. Funny this seems to only effect woman still.

Fuck that.

Years ago I had a female boss when I returned from having a horrendous m/c and a hospital D&C, she said to me "I am so relieved you lost it, I didn't know what I would have done if you had to have gone on maternity etc" - I never said a word, I was in shock.

[ivfdreaming]

You should have told your ex partner to stump up the extra cost

I'm a woman and a mother and I have to agree with the frustration and annoyance that must be felt by many bosses (and fellow colleagues). If it's not lack of productivity during pregnancy (so many threads about being signed off/leaving work early for tiredness or sickness it's maternity leave for upwards of a year with many women returning pregnant again, then it's disruption in the workplace due to dentist/doctor appointments and childcare issues, then its expecting priority for taking annual leave during school holidays. Not to mention the fall outs I've seen in some workplaces where single parents expect priority over all things compared to those with a partner (even though many of them knowingly have kids with useless fathers where it's only a matter of time before they do one) . I can see why bosses can't be bothered with it all 🤷‍♀️

[HandsDownRoundTheTown]

I’ve been on the sharp end of this.

One team member told me on her first day she was pregnant. It was a really complex role that took around three months to train up in. She took mat leave after six months. I trained a temp. After about a year original employee came back from mat leave already pregnant with No 2.

Another (male) has consistently underperformed and underdelivered for months and keeps telling me how he needs to look after his children hence being unavailable for calls / meetings. For some period of lockdown I had every sympathy. Now? Get them into a holiday club; pay for a Bubbly babysitter; swap with another parent. Just do anything to make me think you’re making some kind of effort to be available to, you know, do your job 9-5

[ivfdreaming]

@Bemorechicken

It's not unfair dismissal when she QUIT

[Leaannb]

@Bemorechicken.....It wasn't unfair dismissal. OK was telling her boss she was quitting

[BobFleming]

He should've had more sense than to say that out loud.

But I do have sympathy for small business owners in this situation.

[FinnyStory]

@Worstyear2020

Yes it is very bad for us parents. My old boss said to me "don't have any more children" when i returned from maternity leave. Funny this seems to only effect woman still.

It only happens to women still becuase the experience of most bosses is that it's the women who have to drop everything every time there's a childcare crisis.

[pollylocketpickedapocket]

@Everhopefulhev

I of course did try to save my job by seeing if I could do it part time but that wasn’t an option. There are no local set of grandparents to help out. I love how people are questioning my ability to weigh up my options before waking out of my job but the ignorant comment that was made seems to be justified by a concerning number of you.

Sadly you're right there. Some people don't have a clue.

[Everhopefulhev]

FYI I don’t know why everyone’s referring to this as a small business - it’s a huge corporate company.

[gingerbeerandlemonade]

@bemorechicken I am so sorry for your loss and the fact that you had to deal with a comment like that. That is absolutely disgusting.

[raspberryk]

Did you investigated entitlement to universal credit and tax free child care before you quit?

[VinylDetective]

@sleepyhead

As he's not allowed to ask about children in applications or interviews I wonder how he's planning on implementing that little breach of equality law?

What a twat.

He’ll probably do what benefitted me in the employment market through my 50s and early 60s and favour older candidates.