To ask my mums new gf not to buy things for my baby??

[ineedamiracle2020]

Hi,

My mums recently come out as gay, which isn't the issue.

She has been seeing someone for the last couple of months and she seems really happy. It just seems like she's pushing her new relationship onto my brothers and sisters without any consideration that we could all be dealing with the news differently ( my youngest brother is 11 so I'm constantly worried that he's ok with everything).

My main big bear is this person has been buying things for my baby (due in December). I understand it most likely comes from a place of niceness and wanting to be accepted however it's really annoying me that my mums letting her do so - I haven't even met her yet! I'm obviously very protective and I'm concerned my mum thinks my baby will have a relationship with her GF like she will when it's not the case she won't be a gran like my mum will.

I'm just looking for opinions on if I should get over myself and try to work on accepting that this woman will be in our lives, or take a brave pill and tell my mum how I'm feeling knowing that she will probably fall out with me...

@monkeymonkey2010

Stranger danger is real Absolutely OP - and don't allow the opinions of OTHERS gaslight, manipulate or confuse you where the wellbeing of YOUR children is concerned.

If you'd said your mum was with a man.....i think we all know the responses would be very different......

Why would they be different? Goodness me the level of ott parenting on this thread is alarming

@monkeymonkey2010

knitting circles/work colleagues etc is completely different!

THIS is a STRANGER who is involved in a romantic relationship with OP's mum who is doing this!
Safeguarding your children is more important than appeasing adults!

How is it different?

These ladies were strangers to me, they all..gasp...were sent pictures of my baby in their cardigans when she was born.

You are pretty deranged tbh.

[quote JBizz]@ineedamiracle2020 ah so you're just crazy. Thanks for the clarification

[/quote]
Only in the presence of judgmental people. Luckily I know exactly who I am as a person and don't seek validation from posters who go out of their way to try and make people feel bad about having opinions or feelings. Thanks for your time glad you got it out of your system 🙂

@monkeymonkey2010 is there perhaps some medication that you maybe haven’t taken enough of today, or maybe taken a little too much of?

Goodness me the level of ott parenting on this thread is alarming
I don't think that poster is here for parenting reasons. They seem to be here to push the idea that MN is homophobic and anti-men. Unfortunately for them (and possibly the OP) this thread proves otherwise.

We're not concerned about protecting her from this one person in particular that's ridiculous.. it's strangers in general. Stranger danger is real

Ha! You’ve got to be kidding! Your mum’s new partner sends you a few gifts and you’re posting about “stranger danger”?

I don’t think you need to worry about “stranger danger” just yet. Your baby isn’t due until December and will be completely reliant on you for a while. Unless you are sending your baby off to this “stranger”, I don’t really see where the “danger” is coming from.

After reading your most recent posts, I stand by what I said. Another poster put it perfectly:

If neither you nor your DP are homophobic then you need to think a bit more deeply about why a lot of your actions have that undercurrent

She has been seeing someone for the last couple of months

To me, this is the issue, not the gifts. It doesn't matter whether who she's seeing is male or female, you don't start forcing your partner on your children after two months. Look how many women on here are slated for introducing their new male partner after six months. Screams of how it's unfair to the children and unsettling for them. Admittedly in this case it does seem that some of the children are older, but you still don't force someone into their lives so soon.

OP your mum's in the heady stages of her first openly gay relationship. That is going to be massively important to her. But it shouldn't mean that the family have to leap into accepting the partner into their bosoms, any more than they would if the partner was male. I think it's OK to keep a little distance at this stage.

@Vivi0 there’s stranger danger and then there is raging paranoia.

Or are we still operating under the misconception all gays are pedophiles?

Better not let either the mum or new GF see or touch the baby, it could catch the gay or they will be attracted to her.

My Grandad met a new lady while I was pregnant with my first baby. I felt incredibly awkward once when we were out shopping with my mum also and the partner bought baby grows for the baby. Almost like I was scamming an old lady even though she offered.
10 years later she’s still around and she’s all the kids have every known. She’s their “grandma” and I even call her that too x

@Feedingthebirds1 I hear what you’re saying & perhaps this poor decision to introduce too quick is linked to her decision to have 10 biological children - I tend to think people who have too many children have warped attitudes to parenting + child development.

Eg “the older ones will help take care of the younger ones”

It is unfortunate there is still one underage child who is having a bit of a rough time being introduced to the partner so soon. I agree it could have waited. But I wouldn’t be surprised if the other children haven’t experienced being treated as one in the same, as a collective, not as individuals with their own unique needs/wants/feelings

Having 10 kids is not the norm. This is a quite an unusual situation.

@vikingwife My sister and her girlfriend and my uncle and his husband see my children regularly, so they’ve already caught “the gay”, but it’s not too late for the OP.

My poor boys never stood a chance!

This post has gotten out of hand. All I was looking for was opinions on wether I was being unreasonable or not for being upset over gifts.

I wish you could all know the type of person my mum is. She really does deserve all of the happiness in the world, and I'd hate for her to think that by reading these comments I don't support her or her new relationship.

This was never meant to be about her new relationship, it was naive of me to think that I could have a discussion without people shouting bloody murder at me, calling me homophobic, bigoted crazy amongst others.

Thank you to everyone who has given their honest opinions good and bad without being unnecessarily rude or aggressive.

I'll be switching off the notifications, as I think everyone that's left to comment is only going to bite my head off.

I hope everyone else continues to feel free to post on Mumsnet with their own concerns without fear of judgment or extreme reprimand.

Thanks everyone🙂

Good idea to turn notifications off I think. I hope everything turns out well for your mum and for you and baby.

I think it's understandable to want to wait to see if this relatively new relationship goes the distance before involving the girlfriend in your life. That would be true even if your mum wasn't gay and it was a new boyfriend. You can't stop her showing photos but I'd tell your mum you want to take your time getting to know her girlfriend and ask her to get her to back off a bit for now.

@ineedamiracle2020

I know you said you were switching off notifications but if you ARE still reading, I wanted to send you a HUGE virtual hug 🤗 (both you and "bump") as you've received, I think, a bit of a kicking (bad even for AIBU) and a lack of comprehension by some (though not all) posters.

I hope all goes well in the future both for your own little family as well as the wider family.

As well as the hug I'm sending you 🍫, ☕️ and 🍪. Feet up for a while... 🌹

I'm in a same sex marriage, had been together for 10 years when our granddaughter was born. I say our because that's what she is,

She sends mothers day cards/Christmas card to "Amazing grandparents" etc and when we went to visit her at Uni introduced us to her student friends as her grandparents, which indeed we are.

I'm in a same sex marriage, had been together for 10 years when our granddaughter was born. I say our because that's what she is,

Where as OPs mum has been with her new partner for only 2 months so it’s very different. 🤷🏻‍♀️

BadTattoos - relationships have to start somewhere, OPs mother and new GF may be together for years like us or it may fizzle out.

Anyway, not my circus not my monkeys. Just cannot understand why OPs DP is understandably protective of his unborn daughter.

Where on earth has OP written anything that comes across as homophobic or that she is worried about her child 'catching the gay' half of the posts here are just trying to be 'wittier' or goodness knows what in a horrible pile on.

'Not at all, as a parent you should always consider who is buying your child gifts and why'

This.

You know, I'm pretty sure, a few years back, I posted that my XH's new girlfriend was giving gifts to my children, having never been intriduced, and I'm pretty sure the consensus was that it was out of order.

And it was the newness and the urgency of the relationship that was considered odd.

People will form bonds or they won't, you can't force it with gifts. And it's completely different from a neighbour or someone in an office gifting something, because there IS a connection and an expectation.