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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend taking p*** or am I being over sensitive?

596 replies

democrazy · 04/08/2020 20:28

We own some land across the road from our house, invested in a small yurt and have a semi permanent type summer glamping set up, fire pit, pizza oven etc. Friend text me to ask if she can use the site to celebrate her birthday (it's a big one) with a few close friends (about 10-15), I mistook the message as inviting DH and I as well, which she replied saying she was embarrassed but really she just wanted her closest friends and I wouldn't be invited. This is fine as I wouldn't have considered myself in that circle - I'd say we're friends but not super close, but we are good friends with a number of the people who would be going. But I thought it a bit cheeky that she basically wants to use our extended garden to have a small party but not invite us. We've used the space for other friends and family celebrations, but we've always been part of them. I've said yes becuase I'd feel mean if
didn't, but equally feeling a little put out, though not sure if it's my embarassment at assuming I was invited or my feeling put out that they want to use the space without inviting us. P.s. I know this is a very first world issue and really not of great importance, just sense checking myself!

OP posts:
Funpixie · 06/08/2020 03:07

Personally I’d ring her - no texts and say you’re a bit surprised with the whole thing and redefine your boundaries. This is our place and it is odd to me that you’d ask to use it and also state we aren’t invited. It’s difficult for you to raise it but respect And honesty are everything in your friendships hence the call. She would hopefully be able to reconsider her behaviour and respond. Whether she has her bday there or not is irrelevant. Define and respect your boundaries please - you’ll be better off for it. Good Luck Xx

UnRavellingFast · 06/08/2020 03:16

Years ago I lived in a very nice flat in central London. My flat mate planned a party and told me ‘I know you’ll be away that weekend so I haven’t invited you’. What it really meant was that she was inviting City banker boys and while I didn’t fit, my lovely flat at the time did. I asked her to leave soon after but very much wish I’d told her to fuck off at the time. In your position this would be the best response.

babydisney · 06/08/2020 03:18

@mothership4two what are you saying???

Mothership4two · 06/08/2020 04:22

@babydisney

err OP said no to "friend" and she said OK as a response

custardbear · 06/08/2020 04:38

Cheeky cow! Well done for saying no!

April506 · 06/08/2020 07:23

I would be very unhappy about this and would not trust this person not to spring a claim on me if they drunkenly hurt themselves on my property . You should look into getting some public liability insurance to cover yourself if you allow this to happen as I doubt your home insurance will cover this eventuality.
I guess you can quite legitimately cancel this little party it’s definitely a covid risk though

Jeeperscreepers69 · 06/08/2020 07:23

Shes not a friend. Shes awful. Tell her she will have to find another venue as your using it that day. Throw a party just dont invite her. I dislike rude people and scratch them from my life. You should think long and hard about her treatment of you its dog like.

Stirling2701 · 06/08/2020 07:24

Is that even allowed during the Coronavirus pandemic? I would say no to her.

April506 · 06/08/2020 07:26

Yes obviously not. What do you mean . Help!

LunaLula83 · 06/08/2020 07:29

Stop being a doormat

Ohtherewearethen · 06/08/2020 07:42

@LunaLula83 - what a helpful comment. Please could you just clarify in what way you believe the OP is being a 'doormat'?

Smelborp · 06/08/2020 07:46

I think this would change my perception of her going forward. To just send ‘OK’ as a response rather than an apology for her rudeness just doubles down on the cheekiness.

SugarHour · 06/08/2020 07:59

Wtf?! She needs to pay for it at the least.

BlogTheBlogger · 06/08/2020 08:20

@Candyflosscookie am on the cusp my friend, the very cusp

Grin

But then I see such sage comments like @SugarHour's and realise how blessed after 22 pages to we are to be treated to them

Cadent · 06/08/2020 08:40

@babydisney

but we're responding to op not reading 20 pages of other peoples comments??

Why are you then going straight to the last page to see who responded to your post?

Cadent · 06/08/2020 08:41

I think it's a type of FOMO. People see 500+ posts and think they should get in there with their advice that has already been given 500 times

EugenesAxe · 06/08/2020 09:20

I’m sorry I haven’t FTFT but it would be reasonable to reply:

‘Normally I like to be there if friends or family use it, for various practical reasons. I’m not comfortable attending when otherwise you wouldn’t want us there so I’m really sorry but I’m going to have to withdraw the offer.’

GiftedFish · 06/08/2020 09:26

That's like "can I come stay at your house but you need to leave"..
I would never dream of that with my friends. I think it is extremely rude of her to ask to use your space and basically tell you to stay away.

LSRW · 06/08/2020 09:35

Oh for the love of GODDDDDD. Will someone delete this now 🤦🏻‍♀️ SPOILER ALERT for new readers....... OP text the ‘friend’ saying no. She got a blunt “OK” reply back. THERE HAS BEEN NO MORE... THE OP DOES NOT NEED ANY MORE ADVICE. PLEASE LEAVE HERE.... That’s it..... gooooooo 👉🏼🚪🙄😂😂😂😂😂

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 06/08/2020 09:53

😂

BigBadVoodooHat · 06/08/2020 10:12

THE OP DOES NOT NEED ANY MORE ADVICE. PLEASE LEAVE HERE

But what if time travel suddenly gets invented and the OP finds herself three days back in time wondering what on earth to do for the best?

She's going to be in desperate need of the gold-standard advice only one person managed to think of on page 25 of the thread, all other posters on the thread having been far too dim to think of it sooner Confused

FinallyRelief · 06/08/2020 10:18

This is hilarious!

Headinthecloudsfeetinthemud · 06/08/2020 10:24

Miserable woman. Can’t actually she didn’t offer to pay. Is the site insured for other people to use if you’re not there? I’d look into it if I were you. If there were an incident (Even something minor like tripping over a yurt wire/peg/whatever you call them!) you could find yourself in very hot water.

Marnie76 · 06/08/2020 10:26

@EugenesAxe

I’m sorry I haven’t FTFT but it would be reasonable to reply:

‘Normally I like to be there if friends or family use it, for various practical reasons. I’m not comfortable attending when otherwise you wouldn’t want us there so I’m really sorry but I’m going to have to withdraw the offer.’

Couldn’t you at least have read what the OP said. She has already replied and got a response (about a trillion pages ago)
dooratheexplorer · 06/08/2020 10:38

You handled it brilliantly. Well done!

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