Friend taking p*** or am I being over sensitive?

[democrazy]

We own some land across the road from our house, invested in a small yurt and have a semi permanent type summer glamping set up, fire pit, pizza oven etc. Friend text me to ask if she can use the site to celebrate her birthday (it's a big one) with a few close friends (about 10-15), I mistook the message as inviting DH and I as well, which she replied saying she was embarrassed but really she just wanted her closest friends and I wouldn't be invited. This is fine as I wouldn't have considered myself in that circle - I'd say we're friends but not super close, but we are good friends with a number of the people who would be going. But I thought it a bit cheeky that she basically wants to use our extended garden to have a small party but not invite us. We've used the space for other friends and family celebrations, but we've always been part of them. I've said yes becuase I'd feel mean if
didn't, but equally feeling a little put out, though not sure if it's my embarassment at assuming I was invited or my feeling put out that they want to use the space without inviting us. P.s. I know this is a very first world issue and really not of great importance, just sense checking myself!

also, if you are close friends with some of the people going then it would be no skin off her nose to invite you. She was 'embarrassed to tell you that you were no invited', tell her you are 'embarrassed to tell her that she can not use the land'.

Why are people so afraid to upset people who are so clearly not upset to embarrass them?

she was right to be embarrassed, cos it's cheeky. 10-15 friends isn't all that close and it wouldn't hurt to ask you over for a glass of fizz or something. she's handled it badly if it's a favour from a friend and not a business arrangement ie paid for.

@Notthisnotthat

That's so cheeky!

I would reply along the lines of it's free for close friends to use but as she is a non close friend attach an invoice to cover costs/damage. Does she expect her guests to use you inside loo?

I hadn't actually thought about the loo issue!

Wow, that's awful! How rude of her, even if you were nearly an acquaintance I'd still expect her to have been polite and invite you.

I think a PP was right in saying that it'll show her up when others realise you're not invited. She'll get drunk and feel bad and probably come knocking on your door saying to join them.

I'd distance myself from this selfish 'friend' after the party.

Just tell her that unfortunately you can't afford to offer it for free, but you can give her a 10% discount as it's for a friend. She needs to let you know by X date as bookings are coming in.

When she replied saying she was embarrassed but it was close friends only, that's your point to reply saying ah also embarrassing but we only use it with close friends, not to rent out, so that won't work.

She wants a party in your garden that you're not invited to?!

Brass neck comes to mind! She's taking the p*&^%. As suggested above, tell her another arrangement has come up which takes precedence & withdraw her permission.

She's one big CF

I'd say something's come up and it's not available anymore. Then reevaluate your friendship.

Such a shame you've been having drainage issues with that field... Wouldn't be safe.
What an absolute CF.
Do your mutual friends know that you're not invited to a party in your own garden?

I’d send a message saying total understand you just wanting close friends, I’m totally fine with that but with the confusion I forgot to sort the charge. Of course I’ll let you have it for mates rates X amount. She didn’t mind telling you you weren’t invited so wouldn’t worry about charging her.

Cheeky fucker, grow some and tell her where to go!

"Sorry I've got close(r) friends coming on that date now so you'll need to find somewhere else. I know you understand."

"So the fee for hire of the yurt and field is £250, with a £500 refundable damage deposit payable to secure your booking. You can paypal me on ...." and if she objects just get really confused... "but why wouldn't you pay to hire our fantastic facilities? I mean obviously I don't charge for parties I'm attending, but..."

They absolutely will expect to use your loo. All 15 of them.

She's taking the piss.
But you're letting her.
No way is this reasonable (unless perhaps the birthday is her 18th and you are actually her parents!)
Anyone who is close enough to let someone use their land is close enough to come to the party. 10-15 isn't massively intimate where an extra couple would alter the dynamic (if it were 4 or 5 people plus you guys, you would alter the dynamic but she should still suck it up)

Wow she’s a CF!

That's next level cheeky. I'd be straight with her and say "I assumed you thought we were close friends otherwise asking to just use my land and equipment for free for a party is taking the piss a bit isn't it?! Not a problem though, I'll just charge you a day rate and then there's no confusion, it's £350 plus a deposit in case anything gets broken."

You don’t need anyone else telling you this but she is the one in the wrong, not you. Please keep us updated - I want to know about the toilet situ too!

Tell her that due to insurance reasons you can no longer offer the space. If she asks why say that when you usually hold events you are present, but it is a liability for you to have people on your land, using your facilities whilst you’re not present. You hope she can find another location but it leaves you wide open should an accident happen!

You just put her straight.

Hi Cf, on reflection, I think it's too weird to have a party in my extended garden that we're not invited to. As awkward as it is, you need to find a new venue, you can't use our garden. Have a lovely birthday, no hard feelings!

HELL NO. If you are not invited, no she cannot use it. Yikes. What an awful person.

Cheeky CF

Well put @DonLewis

Definitely use @DonLewis message.

She is a cheeky mare and bill her. However, check with your insurance company are you covered for a party/event like that. No coverage no party.