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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend taking p*** or am I being over sensitive?

596 replies

democrazy · 04/08/2020 20:28

We own some land across the road from our house, invested in a small yurt and have a semi permanent type summer glamping set up, fire pit, pizza oven etc. Friend text me to ask if she can use the site to celebrate her birthday (it's a big one) with a few close friends (about 10-15), I mistook the message as inviting DH and I as well, which she replied saying she was embarrassed but really she just wanted her closest friends and I wouldn't be invited. This is fine as I wouldn't have considered myself in that circle - I'd say we're friends but not super close, but we are good friends with a number of the people who would be going. But I thought it a bit cheeky that she basically wants to use our extended garden to have a small party but not invite us. We've used the space for other friends and family celebrations, but we've always been part of them. I've said yes becuase I'd feel mean if
didn't, but equally feeling a little put out, though not sure if it's my embarassment at assuming I was invited or my feeling put out that they want to use the space without inviting us. P.s. I know this is a very first world issue and really not of great importance, just sense checking myself!

OP posts:
IsaLain · 05/08/2020 20:34

Jesus Christ people!!! There is a button you can click to see all of OP's posts. I get not reading the entire thread but how hard is it so slim what the OP has said. Why are you posting advise when it was taken care of ages ago!?!?

Read the posts from the OP before you respond!!!

LaraLondon1 · 05/08/2020 20:41

She’s a silly bitch . What a real shame for u .
I would say that actually you've changed your mind and you’re not comfortable having people in ur property that you can’t oversee / be responsible for .

LaraLondon1 · 05/08/2020 20:43

Oops was too tired to rtft but the post pushed my button so wanted to reply

kyles101 · 05/08/2020 20:49

🍿 went stale... can you make up an alternate ending please?

(DarkDarkNight I was sure there was going to be another message through a couple of hours later beginning "BUT... wah wah wah" when the OP hadn't caved at the ominous "OK"

M2B19 · 05/08/2020 20:51

Why does it matter when people reply? Some people may just want to reply because they feel incensed and haven’t read it thru entirely. Some people may have internet issues and then the post posts a little later than intended. Not sure it’s worth having a rant about though tbh.

sue20 · 05/08/2020 21:13

That's weird. What difference to say 'it would be lovely if you join us". just a couple of extra to the group? Mind you, you don't say how many of You there are to outnumber? But anyway it's rude and has put you in a difficult position which is rather manipulative! A big birthday is it age 15??lol

sue20 · 05/08/2020 21:15

Tell the invited people you are good friends with that she has done this, that would be sneaky and interesting

Costa28 · 05/08/2020 21:16

OMG. Tell her to do one ... she is not a friend. Tell her you got your dates mixed up and you have friends coming over. OMG .... who does that ???

sue20 · 05/08/2020 21:24

Isa Lain, the way these posts work is not that obvious, I've just posted a comment thinking it was a new thread and had no idea didn't notice the "more" button. I don't come on this site much, you obviously do if you're so irritated that you have to post snarkily.

Leeds2 · 05/08/2020 21:29

I'm glad you had the bottle to tell her it wasn't happening.

I think I would still make sure that my family/friends and I were using the land at the time of the proposed party, just in case she turns up anyway.

Do you know if she had actually sent out the invitations?

IsaLain · 05/08/2020 21:32

@sue20

Is that meant to be some sort of an insult? You seem to be insinuating that using mumsnet every couple days is in some way bad?

Also, all you need to read is the first post to see the "see all" tab. Really not difficult and you dont need to be on here every day to realise what the button does.

Ahardyfool · 05/08/2020 21:51

Well, I have a direct comparison experience i can offer you for reflection. My daughter had her 11th Birthday last week and we wanted a similar space to make s’mores and eat party food. We have a bell tent so we wanted to pitch that. After looking for a local campsite to host us and grandparent and aunt, the yard owner of the farm where we keep our horses offered us one of her fields to use plus use of her barbecue. It was lovely - secluded and peaceful, etc. Etc. of course we invited the land owner. They came about half way through, brought some drinks to share and had a burger and cake with us before leaving us to it. Just perfect. We were glad to host them for part of the time and enjoyed their company and their generosity on offering us the space. All happy.

Insanelysilver · 05/08/2020 21:57

I’d say ok that’s fine. You can hire it and I’ll charge ‘not close friends’ rate 😆

BlogTheBlogger · 05/08/2020 22:00

Big time CF - tell them to pay to go elsewhere. Good luck

Phew, at page 19/20 at last we have what to do Hmm ffs

peachdribble · 05/08/2020 22:02

What a horrible situation. Tell her you've reconsidered, and it's a 'no' .

kyles101 · 05/08/2020 22:06

Just cancel the cheque

Carriecakes80 · 05/08/2020 22:09

Theres no way I would be letting her use it for free now! I'm pretty easy going but thats cheeky to the limit! So you're close enough to use some of your private land to save her a few bob, but not special enough to invite?? Boll*ks to that!

Invoice her first, and when she queries it, you say 'Only close friends and family get freebies!' :-)

BlogTheBlogger · 05/08/2020 22:11

Invoice someone when it's been cancelled, why would she do that??

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 05/08/2020 22:12

OM my bloody G

IN all my years on mumsnet (except mexican house thief) this is the cheekiest.

NOOOOOO

Thewordgame · 05/08/2020 22:18

Very very rude, so rude that I was speechless when I read your post. I suppose you could always agree to it then accidentally on purpose double book it and cancel on her the day before, how very satisfying that would be.

blagaaw99 · 05/08/2020 22:19

Gosh, make up an excuse and say no. It is going to play on your mind Flowers

RoseLillian · 05/08/2020 22:19

Everyone please just RTFT. Op well done on your response. It will be interesting to see if anything more comes of this.

gentilleprof · 05/08/2020 22:20

She is very rude. Even if she had not meant to invite you, she should have kept quiet and let you come. Not good etiquette.

CallmeBadJanet · 05/08/2020 22:21

@democrazy whether she paid you for use of the space or not, she should have invited you, you are friends, not just the event "organiser". Not inviting you is plain rude. If there are any damages, charge her and remind her that because you are "friends", you didn't ask for a deposit. If she arranges another party in the future, deffo charge her. And knock her off your Christmas list.

BlogTheBlogger · 05/08/2020 22:21

@blagaaw99

Gosh, make up an excuse and say no. It is going to play on your mind Flowers
ooh yes, great advice!!! Hmm
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