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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset my 6 year old got her ears pierced?

328 replies

thetimehasbegan · 04/08/2020 18:49

My ex and I share 50/50 custody of my daughter (nothing in writing). My daughter is 6 and has been asking me for a couple of weeks to get her ears pierced.

I didn't have a problem with this as she is old enough to ask and she understood it would hurt and would both have to keep them clean. I had said though that we would wait a while as I wasn't sure places were doing it due to coronavirus.

Today I got a FaceTime from my daughter and her dad had taken her into Claire's accessories to get her ears pierced. He hasn't even discussed it with me or let me know. I am more hurt than angry as I feel that's a mummy and daughter activity and I would have at least liked to have been there for it.

After explaining to him that I am disappointed he has apologised. However, I can't help feeling still sad. Also, I went to see my daughter to see her ears and she was telling me that my ex MIL was telling my daughter to tell me that "if you're not fast, your last". This has really pissed me off and I've sent her a text.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Watdafark · 04/08/2020 22:23

@TheQueef Did you divorce the dog, or were you sadly widowed?

OfTheNight · 04/08/2020 22:27

Your ex mil is a fucking peach. I’d be speaking to exdh about her nasty shit!

Really he could have just ext you to check it was ok still. Bit daft on his part. I echo the posters saying they’d be annoyed about piercings from Claire’s. I’m pretty heavily pierced and I’d only want ds to be pierced in a reputable shop, using the correct equipment. So fair dos being narked about that and I hope your little girl’s ears are ok.

As for it being a mum/daughter thing? I don’t really see it like that. My dad took me when I was 10. I suppose I’d like to go with ds to make sure he went somewhere decent, but if he gets his first piercing with his dad it’s fair enough. Don’t feel too miffed about it, you’ll do lots of special things with her all throughout her life.

Also just ignore the people giving you a hard time about piercing. It’s not what you asked about but sometimes people can’t help themselves!

Dogsgowoofwoof · 04/08/2020 22:30

Claire’s shouldn’t even be doing ear piercings. It’s a close contact service which is not legally allowed to be carried out currently.

BlokeNumber9 · 04/08/2020 22:34

LTB.
Oh I see, you've done that. Well, piercings grow over.

peachgreen · 04/08/2020 22:38

I would be pretty against my DD getting her ears pierced before she was at least 16 as I don't like the way it looks on kids and I had mine done at 11 and had awful problems with them getting infected - had to let them close up eventually and repierced properly when I was an adult and the old holes still get infected and sore from time to time.

BUT the pearl clutching snobbery on this thread has almost made me want to go out and get them done just put of spite! Wink

Ideasplease322 · 04/08/2020 22:45

Agree there is snobbery about ears being pierced on children.

And I will confess I feel it myself. No children where I live have their ears pierced before secondary school - if even then.

And to be honest a baby with their ears pierced would really raise eyebrows.

It is a cultural and class issue. I know I need to be more open minded accepting of others ways - as I suspect do a lot of people on this thread.

JovialNickname · 04/08/2020 23:03

OK, so your position is that she's your child, you don't give a shit what anyone else thinks and you can do what the fuck you want. That's fine but don't you see the irony in you complaining because her dad has the exact same point of view that you do?

Yeahnahmum · 04/08/2020 23:08

This is not a mother daughter thing so you nedled toget iover that because that is a sexist thing to say. But the fact you ex partner did this without asking you is very bad. (Even though you said yes to your dd. He didnt knowthat. And even if she didtell him he shouldn believe a 6yo that says "mummy says its ok to do it ":p)

lampshadery · 04/08/2020 23:21

I got mine done at for my 8th birthday, all the girls at school did. I was absolutely desperate to get them done and was the last one out of all my friends - my mum had at first said I had to wait until 11 and I was utterly devastated. No one else was waiting though and I truly was the only one, so she surprised me for my 8th birthday.

I don't think it's comparable to a tattoo. 80-90% of adult women have their ears pierced, it's something that most will get done when they're older. Tattoos are much less common and people are much more likely to change their minds about them.

Times must have changed, though this was barely twenty years ago.

Ps. Just did a google and apparently 7 is the average age for ear piercings, study done in 2013.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 04/08/2020 23:35

I was 6 when I had mine done. I think dd was 5. It definitely wasn’t unusual at primary school (usually done at the start of the six week holidays to give them time to heal before they had to be removed for PE). I do think it should be agreed by both parents though, if they’re both involved.

Thisismytimetoshine · 04/08/2020 23:37

It must be a regional thing. Piercings on primary aged children are certainly not the norm where I live.

Original poster
thetimehasbegan · 04/08/2020 23:38

I'm in a pretty well off part of the country and it is the norm in my daughters school

OP posts:
Slinkymalinky1 · 05/08/2020 00:22

He definitely should have discussed it with you first.
Don't worry about missing out, it's bad enough taking them for their vacations!
My daughter begged for ear piercing at 6 because her cousin had it done, I held off and now she's 11, she's adamant she doesn't want holes in her ears. I'm relieved as didn't fancy taking her and definitely would have been glad of her dad taking one for the team Grin take her for a nice day out to help her get over it Wink

Clipclop10 · 05/08/2020 00:23

You really need to read up on how to look after pierced ears because you are getting some really out of date advice.

They say that you shouldn't twist/turn piercings now and to only clean once a day max with paper towel but that just washing in the bath/shower normally is all the cleaning they need really. They also say you shouldn't remove the scabs. Envy not envy!

ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords · 05/08/2020 01:05

@ChurchOfWokeApostate

You say this as if it's a requirement to have pierced

Where? I said if you’re going to get it done at 8 or 10, you might as well get it done as a baby.

There’s loads of posts above saying the 8 year olds can’t take them out by themselves, or they close up in a few hours, or they’re not allowed to go swimming.
My dd has never had this issue, reading all this it sounds like a hassle I’m glad I avoided tbh.

In fact, I think it’s far better to get it done as a baby, than 6, 8 or so 10 personally, they don’t touch them, they don’t end up getting infected, and by the time they strt up at school, the holes stay open.

Well this doesn't suggest that you've considered that a child might not choose to have pierced ears, rather that you think it's inevitable that they'll want it at some point. It's an interesting viewpoint - I'll put holes in my baby's ears just in case she might want them when she's older to save on the inconvenience later.

steff13 · 05/08/2020 01:17

My daughter has been begging to get hers done since she was about 4. She's getting them done (by a professional piercer) next month for her 10th birthday. I wasn't allowed to have mine done until I was 15, most of my friends had theirs done around the 5 or 6. Most of her friends have had theirs done by now as well.

avamiah · 05/08/2020 01:36

Hi All ,
Firstly let me say that I’ve been on MN for many years and I know many of you may not agree with me now but anyway here goes,
My daughter is 10 years old and she had her ears pierced at 6 months old.
She had both ears pierced at the same time and it took seconds and to this day she has never had a infection and loves wearing earrings .
Would I do it now?
The answer is, probably not .

Time2change2 · 05/08/2020 01:45

I would like to know which parts of the country where no primary aged children have their ears pierced. By the end of KS2 in most places I’ve visited the majority have pierced ears

essexmum777 · 05/08/2020 02:01

In my dd's year's 5 i can think of only one girl in two classes that has pierced ears and her family are from a different country - so yes maybe it does depend on where on you live.

Mothership4two · 05/08/2020 02:04

@SmileEachDay

I am totally with you. Hate to see little girls with their ears pierced. If I had had girls the answer would have been 'no' until they were 16

Mothership4two · 05/08/2020 02:08

I would like to know which parts of the country where no primary aged children have their ears pierced. By the end of KS2 in most places I’ve visited the majority have pierced ears

South Hampshire. Admittedly I am six years out of date, but no-one in DS2's year in primary school had their ears pierced. Haven't seen any younger siblings with it done either

Watdafark · 05/08/2020 02:17

I love these people who have apparently inspected the ears of every single child in their neighbourhood. Grin

Utterly ridiculous.

Mothership4two · 05/08/2020 03:24

I did a lot of volunteering at ds's primary school. Earrings (then) would have been in a minority in the school and would have stood out

Onceuponatimethen · 05/08/2020 06:57

Not the norm in our area - some have them done in primary but the majority don’t

talkingkrustydoll · 05/08/2020 07:14

I think your ex should have mentioned getting them done but if you were ok with it then I can't see why it had to be you who went with her.

To the people asking who does babies ears the Claire's near me was piercing a 4month olds a couple of years ago when I was looking around. The screaming broke my heart. Haven't been in there since. My dd had hers done at 12 but couldn't be bothered with them so took them out a year later.