To suggest eating separately from child

[VoldemortsMaid]

Is it unreasonable to eat separate to your child?

I'm at my wits end with dinner time. I actively dread it. All DD6 does is moan about the food, takes an ungodly amount of time to eat it and chats absolute rubbish the whole time. She gets distracted easy so we're constantly having to remind her to stop yapping and eat otherwise she'd be at the table for 2 hours.

Would it be unreasonable to give her dinner at around 5pm when she's used to having it and then DH and I can eat dinner later and it can actually be nice and we can chat about normal adult things without the constant stream of chat/distraction from DD?

if while she is eating you sit with her for a cup of tea or something its fine - not leaving her to eat on her own etc. Maybe cut out afternoon snacks so she is actually hungry and wants to eat as well

I eat separately to my kids most of the time. I prefer to eat quite late otherwise I end up munching snacks all evening and I find it less stressful if they eat earlier (and at their leisure). I am still with them when they eat and we talk the way would if I was eating if that makes sense?

@RB68 yes absolutely I would sit with her with a cup of coffee or something and I think it would make it less stressful if it wasn't also our dinner time.

I'd prefer to start feeding her other stuff as well things I know she likes with veg she likes. I'm sick to my back teeth of her moaning about what we eat.

Eating together you model the good behaviour you want to see. How else will they learn? In saying that I do have to give a time limit when the DS is playing up

@swashbucklecheer this was DH's point. He thought it was nice that we had dinner together but we have been doing this for years and she hasn't stopped moaning or eating slowly or doing the things we try to stop her doing. It's absolutely exhausting

I think families should eat together where possible.

Your house, your dinner, do what you want. Why do you need anyone’s permission?

Personally, I eat most of my meals on my own in my kitchen. Because I like to eat in peace and quiet. I don’t care what anyone else thinks about that.

I wouldn't, because it's so good to eat together. Maybe just try NOT nagging and have an adult meal that she also eats at, instead of a kid's meal you also eat at.

Spend half an hour at the table, then clear up. Serve some chopped up raw veg on the side.

The problem is all the faffing, so cut that out.

Eat with her a couple of times a week to model good behaviour. Otherwise, it's fine to sit with her while she eats and for you and your partner to eat later. I don't know how any adult tolerates eating at 5pm

@labyrinthloafer we've tried that. We've tried putting out food so we all help ourselves and she eats what she wants, which half the time is very little. We've tried giving her half an hour to eat and then clearing up but by the time the half hour is up she's only managed a quarter of her plate & I feel guilty taking the food away from her

I do understand where you are coming from we've had dinners that go on and on with nagging and frustration. That's when we realised enough was enough- eat what is provided by a set time otherwise thats it. No nagging and plates removed when done - they don't starve

If your child is being rude at the table/lacking manners, then it should be addressed. I wouldn’t even have considered forcing my child to eat alone so I could avoid the annoyances that come with eating with them. It’s a bit shit on the child, plus will do nothing to address the behaviour.

@ChilliesAndSpice I usually follow that mantra but I think the last few months have made me totally doubt my abilities as a parent 😭

Is she getting much more attention over the meal than at other times? You are sitting and trapped listening t9 her after all
Perhaps you need to schedule in an activity together that can only be done if dinner is finished on time?

You could eat with her a few times a week and have a nice meal with your dh the rest of the time. I don't think YABU to want to enjoy your dinner time.

We aim to eat together 3 times per week , that means it's only 3 stressful meals and 4 actual enjoyable ones !

“Yapping” and “talking rubbish”? Not a kind way to describe a 6 year old. Do you get her involved with making meals? Maybe she doesn’t like the food you’re giving her.

Family meal times aren’t essential but they are important. Maybe she’s yapping because she wants to talk to her parents while eating her meal, if you listen and engage you might find her interesting.

Do what works for you but giving up on eating together because you seem to find your young child boring or annoying is really sad.

I didnt tolerate moaning about food from my children, its rude. They didnt have to like it or eat it but I didnt want to hear about it. Going hungry til the next meal was always an option.

The chatting about rubbish is just a small child making conversation, isnt it?

I think families should eat together as sense a nice message about desired behaviour and also reinforces the family unit. I don't agree with an "us and them" approach so I'd say YABU.

@Itsjustabitofbanter it's not so much that she's rude, but DH and I can tell she doesn't like the food, so we ask what's wrong and she tells us. It's just there's something every single meal time unless it's pasta or chicken. She stares into space quite a lot when she's eating and tries to make conversation a lot.

It's not that she's lacking manners or is rude it's just the constant faffing that we have to try and curb or otherwise she really does take a ridiculous amount of time to eat

If she’s taking ages then just leave her to it. There’s no need to set time limits or let her go hungry by taking her food away when she’s not finished. As for the annoying chatter, sorry but that comes with having a 6 year old, that’s something you just need to deal with 😂

I think I agree with swashbucklechee, but also don't think it would BU to have a couple of nights a week for you and your H to look forward to a later dinner to enjoy together.

I grew up in a home where we kids had Lunch together (dad was a father and our primary school was 2 minutes away. And we had Tea at 5:30-6.. then wash, teeth , bed at 7:30 lights out at 8:30pm.

When we were in bed my mum and dad had supper together.

Did the exact same with mine. We didn't all sit down together for dinner until secondary school by which time it was a pleasant experience.

The way you'd escribe your 6 year old talking is pretty poor. "Yapping" and "chatting rubbish" really? She is a child, that's just the way they are. Maybe have a kinder attitude towards her

@AnneLovesGilbert yes no problem I'll be sure to let her out of her cupboard under the stairs once in a while so she sees the light of day.

She talks to us all day every day at the moment & it's always about the same thing. I think most parents would be lying if they didn't think their 6 year olds talk absolute nonsense half the time.