To suggest eating separately from child

[VoldemortsMaid]

Is it unreasonable to eat separate to your child?

I'm at my wits end with dinner time. I actively dread it. All DD6 does is moan about the food, takes an ungodly amount of time to eat it and chats absolute rubbish the whole time. She gets distracted easy so we're constantly having to remind her to stop yapping and eat otherwise she'd be at the table for 2 hours.

Would it be unreasonable to give her dinner at around 5pm when she's used to having it and then DH and I can eat dinner later and it can actually be nice and we can chat about normal adult things without the constant stream of chat/distraction from DD?

No. Eat together as a family. If you are sitting with her drinking tea she will chat anyway. I can’t see why you can’t have grown up chat with your OH with her at the table.

We had the same issue with DD at that age. Just keep on reminding her to eat, she’ll get there.

We try to eat together when we can (and has been every day since lockdown!) but ‘normally’ we eat together on weekends and maybe only twice in the week. How about giving DD her tea and you then finish cooking yours so by the time you start she is half way through? (Assuming she can eat in the kitchen while you finish cooking your meal). For your child it’s her opportunity to chat to you all without other distractions, so she clearly appreciates the family time.

Is showing our kids a bit of kindness and patience not the done thing anymore ?

God forbid your own children impede on your extremely important life eh .

I can’t see why you can’t have grown up chat with your OH with her at the table.

My 4 year-old shouts at us to STOP TALKING if we don’t include him in the conversation. And to be fair, he has a point, it’s petty rude for 2 people to talk over a third.

@DDIJ I think it depends on the age of your children. DS didn't eat with us during the week when he was younger as DH didn't tend to get home until at least 7pm so was too late for DS to eat especially on a school night, but as he got older, about 10 then he did, unless activities got in the way. And he would eat with us at the weekend.

I would think it odd if you never eat with your children

My parents ate separately to us until we were old enough to be a pleasure at the dinner table - I can’t remember exactly when I first had dinner with them but it was so exciting! I think I was around 8-10. They definitely think it helped their marriage too to have dinner alone for those early years (I have two younger siblings). Us kids would eat at about 1730-1800 then go to bed. Parents would eat at 8-830. I know it’s quite late but with a small snack it’s very manageable.

Yeah sure I think it's fine. It's a long game. Just feed her kid friendly food first and sit with her and perhaps just have a snack then eat adult food with your hubby later. It will be way better for your digestion!

@VoldemortsMaid

Is it unreasonable to eat separate to your child?

I'm at my wits end with dinner time. I actively dread it. All DD6 does is moan about the food, takes an ungodly amount of time to eat it and chats absolute rubbish the whole time. She gets distracted easy so we're constantly having to remind her to stop yapping and eat otherwise she'd be at the table for 2 hours.

Would it be unreasonable to give her dinner at around 5pm when she's used to having it and then DH and I can eat dinner later and it can actually be nice and we can chat about normal adult things without the constant stream of chat/distraction from DD?

When mine were little, they needed to eat earlier, or they just got too tired, and ratty, and it was awful. We've always been late eaters.

So I'd prepare their tea for them, and then sit with them, chatting about their day, teaching them their table manners gently and positively, and um, this might sound a bit weird, but I'd read them poetry. They loved it - and I could encourage them to eat their meal by dint of bribing them with their favourite poems. (It also covered the chewing noises).

It's a memory we all treasure.

It's all very well saying that the whole family should eat together, but for many people it just isn't possible.

How many adults want to eat their dinner at 5 o'clock anyway? Small kids can't be expected to wait until half seven, can they?

I frequently eat separately to my DC. They are 3 and 5, and I am a single parent. I work part time but mostly at home atm. The 5 yr old is a bit like your DD OP, it drives me to distraction. 3yr old has cleared the plate, had yogurt, fruit and a biscuit and 5 yr old is still halfway through his dinner.

I am eating with them more often and I always sit with them, but I don't think it's unreasonable for me to eat on my own 2 or 3 nights a week when I'm with them pretty much 24/7.

Is showing our kids a bit of kindness and patience not the done thing anymore ? God forbid your own children impede on your extremely important life eh

Having separate meal times a couple of nights a week and mentally rolling your eyes at yet another Teen Titans themed monologue is hardly akin to neglect or cruelty.

How does she get on at school lunchtime @VoldemortsMaid as my son is a snail eater, but lucky that he'll eat anything - he's always sat finishing his food whilst I tidy up around him and his dad goes and sits down, so we always eat together. Maybe put some music on and see if she will put a sock in it my brother, quiet as a mouse, always in his room on his own growing up, would talk non-stop at the dinner table. We found it funny, but my mom would often get annoyed with how slow he was eating and that his food was going cold lol.
I don't think you should stop eating with her personally - I just think you should try other things, like the music I've suggested (doesn't need to be loud) or get her to help you prepare the food.

Well, I have no experience of parenting a 6-year-olds but I’ve encountered enough of them to decide that small children can be delightful, funny and great to be around, and they can also be like your most challenging elderly relative with food fads, eccentric beliefs and an inclination to repeat themselves endlessly. If mealtimes are such a battle and she’s fine eating her own choice of food at a different time, all’s good. If that gives you and your DH adult time to relax eating what you enjoy, even better. Family lunch on a weekend instead?

@kerfuffling

It's all very well saying that the whole family should eat together, but for many people it just isn't possible.

How many adults want to eat their dinner at 5 o'clock anyway? Small kids can't be expected to wait until half seven, can they?

Most people dont eat dinner at 5pm . I always did what mbosnz did . Op do a nice dinnertime at 5pm for your DD, sit and have a cup of tea and then have a nice, relaxing dinner later with your DH. Set a timer, warn your DD no moaning Meal times shouldnt be stressful . I LOATHE people who rabbit on at mealtimes, I like eating in peace. I pretend to read a book ( sometimes I do read it !) at work so that the yappers dont start .

@kerfuffling where it's possible I personally think it should be done. My son, just turned 7 has always eaten dinner with me and his dad at 18:30ish, he has a snack after school/around 3pm and is happy to eat with us - can't be doing with separate meals, no way! He's never eaten crap though, as I cook one meal for all and that's that - the way I was brought up. He's not a fussy eater, loves herbs, spices, veg. steak, lamb, onions, garlic, seafood, fish etc. as he's watched us eat it over the years and learned that it's okay - kids copy adults they trust. Saying all that, my son is a late sleeper so has plenty of time to digest his dinner even if he's still eating it at 8pm !! arrgh!

I don’t eat with my child. I actually don’t actually eat food. I’m on TPN. So liquid diet for me through a tube! But my kids are used to the fact that mummy doesn’t eat food. So eat by themselves. I’m always there. I don’t always sit with them. As I’m usually trying to sort my stuff out.

I guess whatever suits your family.

I used to read chapter books aloud to my DCs during their dinner time. One of mine took forever to eat because he would talk and faff about so much and reading to them seemed to focus him.

I would eat with my kids then we'd have a pudding or often a cup of tea in my case when their dad came in and had his tea at 6.30 or 7.

As for complaining I have never allowed it. The joke became that the worst we say is " it's not my favourite.". This also meant longer term they didn't go into the world complaining loudly about the food on their plate. We never made them eat anything, it was about the language and attitude.

To break any cycle I would be inclined to try letting her leave the dinner on her plate and come back to it as and eheb. Stop trying to get her to eat iyswim.

What if you just took a break from it and allowed weeknight TV dinners "because it's the holidays". That way you can have an excuse to go back to eating together if it doesn't work out. Some kids eat better in front of the tv actually as it's less stressful. Also we never ate as early as 5, maybe she is not that all that hungry yet if she had a good breakfast and lunch.

If you want to eat your meal later I would do that though. I ate early because I don't like eating late!

We didn't eat together until about 2 years ago when we moved to a house that facilitated it and it fitted into our work life. Until then the children eat earlier. The only problem that has arisen as a result is that the older children took ages to use their knife and fork properly and table manners weren't as good as I'd like. We've had to educate them since, but I would've preferred that it would've happened more naturally over the years rather than having to harangue them.

Yes you should eat alone. Adult time is important for your mental health. Food is just fuel. Sitting around a table with nonsense going on for 2 hours isn't benefiting anyone. You can eat together as a family once a week, or when you go out. That's when you can model good behaviour.

Pre Covid, our DD’s always had their evening meal during the week separately to DP and I, though we always ate together at the weekends, for two reasons;

1. we don’t finish work early enough to have dinner on the table before 8 and that’s too late for them to eat on a school night
2. it’s the only time in the day DP and I get to sit down and talk, we usually eat around 930 That said, we’ve been eating together during lock down, but not until 8pm, but will revert to separate dinners once they’re back at school. Works for us.

Are you sure that she’s hungry enough for dinner? My child very rarely has snacks, just a good breakfast, lunch and dinner and they are always ready to eat (they are also very active, not that I’m insinuating that your daughter is not). I think that it is important not to force the ‘we are eating together now as a family!’ issue as it can make meal times turn into a ‘thing’ a bad experience that none of you want. I just want to say this, as the two families that I know who had real problems at meal times (children complaining about the food/unable to stay seated to eat/using chat as a distraction not to eat) ate many snacks (albeit healthy snacks) throughout the d

day and in my opinion, their appetite just wasn’t present.