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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think weddings should have one maid of honour and the bridesmaids should be young children

197 replies

LaureBerthaud · 04/08/2020 10:18

Like Kate Middleton and I did for our weddings.

Less cost, fuss and stress and the photographs look better.

And I know it's their wedding, their choice...

OP posts:
isabellerossignol · 04/08/2020 12:33

I have three sisters and had to choose one as bridesmaid, as it was a tiny wedding and if I'd had them all there would have been hardly any guests because all my family would have been in the wedding party. She was a complete drama queen and I wish I had chosen one of the others. Personally I'm not a fan of small children as bridesmaids so I didn't have any.

Other people's weddings are obviously up to them though.

TwoZeroTwoZero · 04/08/2020 12:35

I didn't have bridesmaids or a maid of honour but our wedding was as cheap as possible. We're still married though and, so far, our marriage works despite the non-photogenic wedding Grin

zukiecat · 04/08/2020 12:35

I had my two oldest friends as my bridesmaids, by oldest I mean the length of time we'd been friends, we'd been friends since Primary school.

I was the first of my friends, and first one to have children, so no young ones to have flower girls.

I was bridesmaid for my aunts when I was 7, no others, just me.

My eldest daughter was flower girl for my bridesmaid, she also had two adult bridesmaids,

There's no right or wrong way, just do what you want!

WhereDoesThisToiletGo · 04/08/2020 12:40

Weddings should have No Maid of Honour and identical twin bridesmaids, like mine.

BiBabbles · 04/08/2020 12:40

I didn't have any, probably in-part because I was in way too many weddings in a community that seemed to feel the need to make all related kids part of the wedding party. I still have a photo from my aunt's wedding. We were not all of a similar size but being related look a lot alike with similar styles and looked similarly miserable. It was a very tiring, draining pageant of a day and I think adults would have put up with it with a pretty smile far better than any of us did & been a lot more useful & felt more honoured to take part.

For photos, we just had a few of my spouse and I together in our blue outfits, then a few of us and all our guests (all 3 of them). We all look much happier and nicer than all the huge photo shoots I had to take part in as a kid. Really, I'm not sure how kids in the wedding party is any sort of guarantee of things looking nicer - they're not really known for that.

Enderman · 04/08/2020 12:42

If you don’t have small children in your family or have friends that have children are you supposed to randomly drag some off the street? Are you supposed to hold interviews?

You sound like a bundle of fun if you’re this opinionated in real life. Hmm

Justmuddlingalong · 04/08/2020 12:44

Tell us what else is acceptable to you when planning a wedding, OP. It's raining, I've finished the ironing and the telly's shite.

zingally · 04/08/2020 12:48

What a weird thing to care about!

I had 3 adult bridesmaids (sister and two best friends), and a 3-year-old flower girl (daughter of one of the bridesmaids).

Fifthtimelucky · 04/08/2020 12:50

I had one adult bridesmaid and two children, but I was lucky in that I had two nieces at the time and that they were both a suitable age.

I was married over 25 years ago and it was much more usual then to have unmarried bridesmaids. I married later then most of my friends, so didn't have a big pool of unmarried friends to choose from. My adult bridesmaid was married, so was officially a 'matron of honour', but it would have been odd in those days to have lots of married 'bridesmaids'.

Of course every bride should choose for herself, but personally I think having a huge group of adult bridesmaids looks a bit over the top.

Wecandothis99 · 04/08/2020 12:51

Weird

StoppinBy · 04/08/2020 12:59

In my opinion, bridesmaids should be your best friends, people who you are very close to....

.....if your best friends are children then go right ahead and have them as your bridesmaids.

DigOutThoseLemonHandWipes · 04/08/2020 13:01

Of course every bride should choose for herself, but personally I think having a huge group of adult bridesmaids looks a bit over the top.

I wouldn't personally choose a huge group regardless of ages (I think the Kate Moss pictures look chaotic rather than beautiful) but I can't get worked up about other peoples wedding choices. I wouldn't class two or three adults as a huge group. Why not be able to have both your sisters or your dear friend from school and your pal from uni? Is the OP really suggesting that a triplet has to pick which of her sisters makes the grade? We don't have any young girls in my family I have nephews now (but none when we got married) but there are no girls so should any one wanting to get married in my family hire some random youngsters?

Coffeebreakkk · 04/08/2020 13:03

Why would you care who looks best your obviously very shallow in real life. You should pick people who you care about and love not by what looks best. I'm sure Kate Middleton cares that your wedding had the same wedding party. 😒

megletthesecond · 04/08/2020 13:05

Yanbu. Little kids at weddings are adorable.

But I've never been a bride or bridesmaid so what do I know.

RandyLionandDirtyDog · 04/08/2020 13:05

So you’re actually only really interested in whether the photos look good enough for Instagram? That seems quite sad to me but then I hate the idea of selfies.

We got married with no fanfare in a registry office. I think DIL took some photos but they’re probably on a stick somewhere. I have a vague recollection of what my 8 guests wore but I hate being in photos so my wedding wasn’t going to be any different. I know I wore a summer frock because it’s still in the wardrobe as I normally never wear skirts or dresses. I looked like a blob as usual, so I don’t need reminding with pictures.

Unlike Kate Moss, were still happily married, so you can keep your Insta photos, thank you.

BillywigSting · 04/08/2020 13:06

My best friend is getting married soon. I'm her maid of honour, she has two other bridesmaids, two flower girls and two page boys. She's only having about 50 guests, between bms, mother and father of the bride and groom etc about half the guests will be in the wedding party.

Not how I would personally do it (I'd only have one bm don't know any little girls to be flower girls) but her wedding her choice. As long as her and her fiancé are happy with it then it's perfect.

FinallyHere · 04/08/2020 13:06

it's their wedding, their choice...

Nailed it.

FruitLikeAPeach · 04/08/2020 13:06

I never understand all this fuss over wedding 'traditions'.

I didn't give a fuck when I got married. We did what we wanted, didn't have many of the formal 'traditions'. All we were interested in was getting married and having a bit of a party afterwards. No first dance, no page boys or bridesmaids. We had a blast and literally no one gave a shiny shit that there weren't personalised favours on every table.

SurreyHillsGirl · 04/08/2020 13:07

Weird thing to post about but since you've asked, I had a strict no children rule at my wedding. My sister and my best friends were my bridesmaids and my photos are beautiful. I cannot imagine NOT having your closest female relations and friends as your bridesmaids, seems a bit sad to me. I presume you don't have many very close female friends.

Sally872 · 04/08/2020 13:08

No weddings should have 3 adult bridesmaids wearing navy and no flower girls. Like mine.

upsidedownwavylegs · 04/08/2020 13:10

I’ve got an image in my head of the type of woman who still thinks of Kate Middleton as a bridal role model over nine years later, and let’s just say I don’t think the age of the bridesmaids would be what spoiled her wedding pictures.

DefinatelyAWeeGobshite · 04/08/2020 13:11

Random!

I had a chief bridesmaid (sister) one other bridesmaid (best friend) and my daughter was a flower girl, my son wore a wee kilt too.

Worriedrinker · 04/08/2020 13:16
Biscuit
ivfdreaming · 04/08/2020 13:17

Great if you know some well behaved cute kids....

In my experience the photos aren't "better" with kids - much harder to get them arranged/staying still long enough for decent photos

That being said not a fan of having more than say 2-3 bridesmaids

Mothermorph · 04/08/2020 13:22

Eh? I chose my sis and best friend as bridesmaids. My DH had 3 nieces, but we didnt want 5 bridesmaids.
I really cant see why there should be a set formula. Theres no law saying you have to have any bridesmaids!