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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think weddings should have one maid of honour and the bridesmaids should be young children

197 replies

LaureBerthaud · 04/08/2020 10:18

Like Kate Middleton and I did for our weddings.

Less cost, fuss and stress and the photographs look better.

And I know it's their wedding, their choice...

OP posts:
Original poster
LaureBerthaud · 04/08/2020 11:31

Here ...

To think weddings should have one maid of honour and the bridesmaids should be young children
OP posts:
CuntyMcBollocks · 04/08/2020 11:33

I didn't have any at my wedding, so that was even cheaper. Not everyone wants the same wedding or wants to be dictated to.

JorisBonson · 04/08/2020 11:34

Are you trying to tell us you are Kate Moss, OP? 🙄

frazzledasarock · 04/08/2020 11:35

Hah you’d hate my wedding.

All my sisters in law have been invited to be bridesmaids plus my girls and their friends and my best friend since I was four is my best woman and her dd also a bridesmaid.

Couldn’t care less what anyone thinks. So long all involved are happy and those I love are there to celebrate the day with us.

My best woman will also be doing a speech, she is my family as I’m NC with them.

JBizz · 04/08/2020 11:38

Yabu

Why do you care? I haven't been to one wedding where there are young bridesmaids.

Pukkatea · 04/08/2020 11:38

For me it would be a real shame to not celebrate my closest friends and have them with me getting ready etc and in the pictures.

Also I don't know any children, but even if I did, I'd much prefer hanging out with my best friends as opposed to wrestling little kids to sit still, walk nicely in front of people and not spill diet coke on their dress (as I did when I was a child bridesmaid) on what is already a stressful morning.

Original poster
LaureBerthaud · 04/08/2020 11:40

Little bridesmaids are a pain in the arse not compulsory. They just look better IMVHO than assorted grown women who are different sizes, suit different hairstyles, make-up. That's why it worked for the Queen - all her BMs were of a similar size and style. Plus HM didn't have to worry about the cost. Or Stella wanting her hair up whilst Maeve wanted sausage curls and fake tan.

OP posts:
GreytExpectations · 04/08/2020 11:40

@LaureBerthaud

Here ...
I wouldn't say this is a "gorgeous" wedding photo at all, looks quite chaotic.
FraughtwithGin · 04/08/2020 11:41

This is exactly what we had 20 years ago.
My sister was matron of honour (chief bridesmaid if you are already married) and her daughters, my nieces, were bridesmaids.
I was the only bridesmaid, aged 4 nearly 5, at the one wedding where I was a bridesmaid. When I got married, my sister had never been a bridesmaid.
I think it is far more charming and appropriate for the bride to have younger attendants, although, historically, this was not the case.
I went to the wedding of a close relative a couple of years ago, where all the bridesmaids were adult. I think 2 of them were already married. It was "odd". With small attendants, you have the charm (and unpredictability), with adult ones, nobody actually notices IMHO.

GreytExpectations · 04/08/2020 11:42

They just look better IMVHO than assorted grown women who are different sizes, suit different hairstyles, make-up

So little kids, not able to pose properly for a photo look better? I'm not sure if you are aware but kids come in different shapes and sizes too and they often have different hairstyles too. Personally I think grown bridesmaids look far more elegant and little girls as flower girls add a cute touch. But I wouldn't try to dictate other people's weddings as I understand its a personal choice.

Leaannb · 04/08/2020 11:44

Young children don't belong at weddings

DigOutThoseLemonHandWipes · 04/08/2020 11:48

@LaureBerthaud

My adult bridesmaids were gasp male

Then they weren't actually bride's maids
Just like a woman can't be the best man

Yes I know they weren't magical transformed into female virgins (maid in the sense of bridesmaids mean unmarried and therefore in the expectations of yore virginal). Married female attendants are traditionally matron's of honour (a matron being a married woman). They were my bridesmaids in terms of the role they performed on the day. Although they both said they would if I wanted them to they didn't wear dresses (given that are rugby players it would have been quite a sight). As a PP has said we used the term "bridesmates". If one of them ever gets married he wants me to be his best woman but so far he shows no sign of settling down. My wedding photos are beautiful because they are full of the people we love rather than of strangers chosen for their photogenic appeal. Nearly 20 years on and if I did it again tomorrow I would still have my boys with me. (The best man was a little worried about the tradition of the best man getting it on with the bridesmaid but not as worries as his wife!)
MrsToothyBitch · 04/08/2020 11:48

It's up to the bride, surely? I personally think small children are a nuisance on the day and I'd rather have adult support around for me to deal with my judgemental wedding hating mother. My best friend picked adult bridesmaids for support - to my surprise, it was somewhat needed. She's an only child herself & loathes kids, too!

As an only child, my bridesmaids would be my friends. Possibly DPs sister although I think she'd want to be an usher - her family is all male and this way she's included with her "side". As a socially awkward teen I always imagined going it alone but I've now got 4 dear friends I'd find it hard to choose between.

So indulging in hypotheticals, op, by your definition and assuming this was THE most important thing:
-I'd have to wait for DPs niece (due next month) to be old enough to take part.
-To be fair, I'd then have to have my cousins little Dd. I don't want her. I don't like her mother and don't want to have to involve her.
-My dearest friend, for whom I was a bridesmaid and would like to be my MoH because she's amazing would be unsuitable as my one adult helper to deal with the DC because she hates children and I wouldn't put that on her. She means more to me.
-I'd be having kids involved under duress and I wouldn't be best pleased. I'm not a bridezilla but I think I should get to choose and be happy on the day.

Orchidsindoors · 04/08/2020 11:48

Of course young children belong at weddings. Weddings are all about family and children are a massive part of that.

Honeyroar · 04/08/2020 11:51

People can have whatever they like. I didn’t have any! I think that trails of tiny children that don’t want to be there and that wander about picking their noses aren’t remotely cute and (imo) often drag out the boring ceremony!

averythinline · 04/08/2020 11:52

why doesnt she have no bridesmaids or flower girls.... no need for any of it...cheaper and a lot less stress - everyone gets to focus on the main event... and just enjoy the day/party
no much better to drama llama over 'besties' not sure anyone that says that is old enough to get married really...

Blobby10 · 04/08/2020 11:54

I always thought that traditionally, the bridesmaids were supposed to look similar to the bride so that the Devil couldn't work out who the bride was and whisk her to the dark side before she was married. That superstition would fit in quite nicely with the Queen having adult bridesmaids in white dresses. Grin

Snaketime · 04/08/2020 11:55

What is this obsession about the photos looking 'goregous' ffs. I picked my bridesmaids based on who I wanted to be stood with me on the day I married my best friend, not what would make the pictures look better.
For a lot of people like you OP my pictures would have been ruined anyway because my disabled brother was in them Angry

FreezerBird · 04/08/2020 11:55

Kate Moss got it right. Ok the marriage didn't work but the wedding photos were gorgeous.

Absolutely sound priorities there OP. Bang on.

Orchidsindoors · 04/08/2020 11:56

People seem to distinguish between bridesmaids and flowergurls, but they are pretty much the same thing arent they? They dont become a flower girl because they are younger, it's just a different name.

JorisBonson · 04/08/2020 11:57

@Orchidsindoors

Of course young children belong at weddings. Weddings are all about family and children are a massive part of that.
No children at all at either of my weddings. And the wedding is about me and DP, noone else.
PatriciaPerch · 04/08/2020 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PatriciaHolm · 04/08/2020 11:58

I didn't have any of either, and no one gave me away either! Much easier 😀

Thislittlelady · 04/08/2020 11:58

Why do people make so much fuss?! It’s your own individual wedding to have what YOU WANT the people YOU WANT the dress YOU WANT. The venue YOU WANT..... like myself, how many others felt unduly pressured and guilt tripped and coerced into things that weren’t quite what they wanted due to overbearing selfish childish family members who caused so much stress and discomfort that you tweaked things for a quiet easy life?? I TOTALLY REGRET THIS. wish I could go back and fix some things. It was OUR day and others
Made sure they had their say. My advice to anyone getting married HAVE YOUR DAY. BE YOU. if you don’t follow tradition or superstition etc, allow your family to have a say in other areas of your life Normally, then don’t let it happen on YOUR big day.

cologne4711 · 04/08/2020 11:59

I agree with you OP but only because I had one adult bridesmaid (friend) and then my cousin and my husband's niece, who were 9 and 11 and at the time.

no much better to drama llama over 'besties' not sure anyone that says that is old enough to get married really totally agree with this.