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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think weddings should have one maid of honour and the bridesmaids should be young children

197 replies

LaureBerthaud · 04/08/2020 10:18

Like Kate Middleton and I did for our weddings.

Less cost, fuss and stress and the photographs look better.

And I know it's their wedding, their choice...

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 04/08/2020 10:47

the photographs look better

As that’s the most important thing Hmm here was me thinking it was about the vows and lifetime commitment.

Sparklesocks · 04/08/2020 10:50

Nah. People pay a fuck load for weddings so should be able to do whatever they want re bridesmaids and groomsmen etc.

Thehorrorthehorror · 04/08/2020 10:53

I've said you can only actually have one best friend - otherwise they're not best

Are you this dogmatic and programmatic about everything, or only bridesmaids and best friends?

Littlemeadow123 · 04/08/2020 10:54

It's up to each individual bride. There isn't a wrong way or a right way. If you want one maid of honour and then just children then that's fair enough. Other people might want something different and that is fair enough too.

SionnachRua · 04/08/2020 10:56

Nah, I think adult bridesmaids is nicer and leave the kids as flowergirls. Let people do what they like.

RedCatBlueCat · 04/08/2020 10:57

We had 2 babies, 2 10 year old boys and an 8 yr old boy. Everyone we invited had their kids invited. Where were these bridesmaids meant to come from?? Should I have hired in small girls to make the photos look good?
Crazy suggestion. Not all families are made the same.

User50000999788887876655 · 04/08/2020 10:59

You lost me at like kate Middleton. Who gives a crap!?

Justmuddlingalong · 04/08/2020 11:02

I only had a maid of honour. That must be why my marriage went tits up. I'll keep your advice in mind in case of any future nuptials, OP.

GreytExpectations · 04/08/2020 11:09

And I know it's their wedding, their choice...

Well, if you know this than why make you silly suggestions? A wedding should be what the couple wants it to be. If they want 1 made of honour and only children bridesmaids then great! If they want a bunch of adult bridesmaids then also great! You do you.

GreytExpectations · 04/08/2020 11:16

I've said you can only actually have one best friend - otherwise they're not best

What utter bull shit. Who are you to decide how someone else's friendship dynamics work?

Also, young girls are traditionally flower girls.

honeylulu · 04/08/2020 11:16

The tradition of having bridesmaids was to confuse evil spirits as to who was the bride and avoid a thwarting. All would be similarly dressed and veiled. So if tradition is what you're banging on about, all bridesmaids should be adults of a similar age to the bride. Ha!

I had five adult/teen bridesmaids. Not for the above reason but because I didn't want any annoying whinging children. I wanted people who could be of practical help and could drink bucks fizz and have a giggle with me/ keep me calm whilst getting ready that morning.

They look very nice in the photos thank you very much. No one had a tantrum or picked their nose or refused to walk down the aisle because they spotted their mummy and burst into tears. The colour I chose (old gold) wouldn't have looked right on small children anyway.

HTH

Original poster
LaureBerthaud · 04/08/2020 11:19

My adult bridesmaids were gasp male

Then they weren't actually bride's maids
Just like a woman can't be the best man

OP posts:
ShellsAndSunrises · 04/08/2020 11:19

My niece is angsting because she has 4 "besties" so can't choose but can't afford 4 plus her little sisters. I've said you can only actually have one best friend - otherwise they're not best - choose that one and let the other 3 relax and enjoy the wedding.

I mean, that might be true for you...

I didn't really want any bridesmaids, but I have two equally close friends who were keen to be involved, would have been disappointed if they weren't, and I wouldn't dream of choosing between them. I also don't know any young children to be bridesmaids.

For me, 8 bridesmaids sounds like A LOT, but it's your niece's wedding and not mine. It does sound like the more helpful advice may be that she needs to pick the four that she wants the most, though.

Orchidsindoors · 04/08/2020 11:19

I know what you mean about the word best. They cant all be best. But perhaps for her it's all of them or none, so as not to upset them by picking only one.

CareBear50 · 04/08/2020 11:20

Is that you Kate?

Bibijayne · 04/08/2020 11:22

You do you. Let others do them. YABU to dictate to others.

RaraRachael · 04/08/2020 11:25

I always understood that a matron of honour (as we called them back in the day) was a married "bridesmaid". Where I live it's the norm to have adult bridesmaids and little girls as flower girls. I had no little ones at all who could have been flower girls.

I ended up having to have 2 bridesmaids as the one close friend I'd chosen is 5.10 and the idiot of an XH chose a best man who was 5.2.
Cue quick scramble about to find a short friend Grin

starfishmummy · 04/08/2020 11:25

Young children are Flower Girls surely

Showing my age here but thats an "Americanism" imho

JorisBonson · 04/08/2020 11:26

I had no children at all at my (first) wedding.

I will have no children at all at my (second) wedding.

What should I do then OP? Invite some grubby kids along just so my wedding can be as good as yours?

CardsforKittens · 04/08/2020 11:26

My friend had one bridesmate (male). The man she married had a best woman. It was a lovely wedding and the photos looked great, if a little less traditional than usual (and this was a couple of decades ago). I don’t think there’s any reason to be prescriptive about who does what at a wedding, as long as it’s legal.

Ponoka7 · 04/08/2020 11:27

There's the Queen and her Bridesmaids. Small children were added in later, but traditionally were flower girls and page boys. By rights children aren't Bridesmaids at all.

It's up to the Bride. You can call the oldest either Chief Bridesmaid or maid of honor.

To think weddings should have one maid of honour and the bridesmaids should be young children
lyralalala · 04/08/2020 11:27

She could have mostly adult bridesmaids and only a couple of kids. Like the Queen did.

honeylulu · 04/08/2020 11:27

Just like a woman can't be the bestman

I have been Best Woman at a close friend's wedding and I loved it! My friend decided she didn't want grown up bridesmaids - just a couple of small children as attendants but it dawned on her nearer the time that she needed someone who actually assist with various practical things. Her dad was not coming and mum was very shy so she wanted me to walk up the aisle with her and do the speech from her side of the family. I also drove her to church.

lyralalala · 04/08/2020 11:29

@starfishmummy

Young children are Flower Girls surely

Showing my age here but thats an "Americanism" imho

It's really not. Flower girls have symboised fertility at weddings since Roman times.
Original poster
LaureBerthaud · 04/08/2020 11:30

Kate Moss got it right. Ok the marriage didn't work but the wedding photos were gorgeous.

OP posts:
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