Asked to put preferred pronouns on email signature

[Ermokthen]

Just had an email from team leader following a diversity workshop that she’d like us all to put our preferred pronouns on our email signatures, as this was a suggested take home action.

Other members of team already responded, some enthusiastically, others clearly not bothered and just going along with team leader.

I really don’t want to do this and have no idea how to respond without being targeted as any number of negative things. Help please...

But just so I can sense check - aibu not to want to put she/her etc after my (very feminine and not to be confused otherwise) name on my email signature?

What are your concerns about adding it?

I wouldn't. I always find it really odd when I get an email from a name such as Sharon with she/her at the bottom. IMO unless your pro nouns are different to the "norm" it shouldn't be required to state them. You can always tell it's being forced on them by a company attempting to be diverse.

This is why I want to get a doctorate...

There’s a thread about this over on the feminism board, may be worth seeing if that helps you work out how you want to approach it. Many posters on there saying they were uncomfortable with it too, and came up with good reasons for declining to participate.

I wouldn't do it either.

My customers wouldn't realise it's a corporate policy and would assume it was something I'd insisted on.

I wouldn't do it - I have no desire to dictate to other people what language they should use about me.

I've had enough of people telling me how I should speak and think, I will not contribute to that conversation.

I will use people's chosen names and preferred pronouns, I just don't feel the need to join in with it, and will resist anything which broadcasts/highlights my sex, when it is irrelevant and perhaps even disadvantageous to me.

I've been asked for this before and just ignored it. Nothing happened.

The long answer, should anyone have insisted, would have been that I feel on matters of gender I am the equivalent of an agnostic and, as an unbeliever, my feelings/lack of belief are as worthy of respect as a believer's.

@Timeforabiscuit

This is why I want to get a doctorate...

Er, that won’t help you, I’m afraid. Universities are full of people with doctorates announcing their pronouns.

I am confused , do you mean you have been asked to put
name . name she / he or

mrs / miss/ms / Mr - name . name ? the former I would tell them to sod off as it looks and would sound very odd .
The later is a bit out dated with most company's that I deal with dont use any prefixes although I could understand people using their qualified title ( doc / professor etc ) if it had a relevance in the role

Just ignore and if management follow it up just say 'I'm not entirely decided yet on my preferred pronouns any discussion about it is triggering'. Guaranteed they will leave you alone.

I would be genuinely tempted to put ‘he, him’ and see if I got treated better.

Either ignore it or say “I identify exactly as my current email signature suggests.”

They can’t deny your identity.

Plus the mere fact that someone now brings up the word bigotry as soon as someone simply queries the mere notion of adding pronouns to an email signature absolutely boils my piss.

Accusing women of being hateful bigots when they are simply expressing an opinion is the lowest of the absolute low. This is what 'preferred pronouns' leads to - women being outed, shamed and abused for speaking their mind. Fucking fucks me off.

@Ihaventgottimeforthis you're my heroine. Thank you!

It normalises it for the benefit of those people who ... or who are trans and don’t pass and are singled out by having to correct people on a regular basis.
How does somebody not pass as trans on email? I would assume most would take a gendered name and then people would use the pronouns applicable to the name.

Ask if they have assessed the impact of this action on stereotype threat and sex discrimination. As a PP said, there are studies showing that people perform less well in gender stereotypes activities if they are asked their sex before they perform those activities - this is stereotype threat. In addition, many women use gender neutral names to avoid sex discrimination (e.g. loads of studies showing John Smith's CV is preferred to Jane Smith's identical one).

If you are concerned about doing that you could just play the innocent and put 'you, yours, yourself'. Because those are the pronouns people will use when talking to you.

I would reply saying that I would prefer to accept the risk of being misgendered, thank you.

Surely its about your preferred pronouns - not necessarily about the ones that someone else would assume?

The more people that do it, the more it is normalised, so that trans people feel less stigmatised.

I don't come across it often, only my hairdressers really
(where TBH I can't see why my hairdresser needs to use anything other than "you", especially as no one will be making me a cup of tea )

@Poppinjay

Perfect!

I once worked with a (cisgender) woman called Jamie.

Did she identify as cisgender or have you assumed that?

I'm not bothered by pronouns and will respect what my friends and family choose to be called.

But I don't think you should have to do it in you don't want to.

I have a devil in me and would probably put: it/ that (or something)

Pronouns are fine but I don't believe I'm forcing people to shout about it, whether they use she/ her or they/ them. Or it/ that.

So just don't put anything.

@BowlerHatPowerHat

It normalises it for the benefit of those people who ... or who are trans and don’t pass and are singled out by having to correct people on a regular basis. How does somebody not pass as trans on email? I would assume most would take a gendered name and then people would use the pronouns applicable to the name.

They might be gender non-binary and their pronouns might be they/them.

I would ignore. It pressed, I would respond that “my gender identity is private and I am uncomfortable being asked to make a declaration in the workplace”.

Yes I would raise both the issue of unconscious bias. But also that it might force transpeople to either "out" themselves when they may not want to do this or put themselves in a position where they are forced to ask people to refer to them using the "incorrect" gender.

I don't think forcing this works for either women or trans people. It shouldn't be compulsory.