To think that you shouldn't buy presents for all of your children?

[Aqua2468]

I've seen this quite a lot on Facebook, it's a child's birthday and they're sitting there with a pile of presents and next to them their siblings sit with 1-3 presents each.

I've seen this from younger siblings and also seen it in households with older siblings.

I don't understand the problem with just allowing whoever's birthday it is to get presents and why do they have to buy for the other DC when it's not their birthday?

So weird. Have never had DS take issue with it being someone else's birthday. He is looking forward to his little sisters birthday coming up because he knows we all get cake etc and he will enjoy the celebration generally

I've never seen this in real life, but I do always make sure some of the gifts are shareable, so sibling have something to be excited about aswell. Eg. Garden play equipment, multi player games. And give everyone cake just after the presents. So it's a good day for all the DC.

In famillies - like mine growing up and my children's, no one feels left out on the other's birthday. They just enjoy the extra buzz of giving presents, special meals, cake and treats and parties for their sibling. They don't need presents.

My kids are grown up - 20 and 18. They enjoy giving each other a good day and would never dream of not being there on the other's special day (unlike their Dad - my XH - but that's another story). Its good to enjoy giving someone else a great day without needing to get anything back. Because you know the other sibling will do it for you on your day. Christmas is for everyone. Birthday's you make a fuss of the one person whose day it is. Everyone likes to be made to feel like they're the special one for a day. Hey we can all enjoy giving without needing to receive. In life its probably one of the nicest and most precious feelings to enjoy giving pleasure to others.

@Tunnocks34

Oh we do this tbh. Nothing we wouldn’t normally buy, it my middle son and youngest son have their birthday on the same day. They both get the newest football kit for the team they support, and so we also buy it and wrap it up for our eldest son so he doesn’t feel too left out. We would be buying if for him anyway, but we wrap it up so he has something to open.

So they'd all be getting one anyway? Why pass two of them off as birthday presents?

If you don't like it, don't do it.

My parents did this, my sister has ADHD (we now know, we didn't at the time).. she really could NOT cope with me getting loads of gifts, her getting nothing.

So she'd have a token gift to open after I'd opened my presents (and same on her birthday), something small and cute, nothing expensive and we weren't able to write a list or ask for anything in particular - that was reserved for the person whose birthday it actually was.

If it means EVERYONE has a nice day, why on earth is it ridiculous?

Would you genuinely prefer that one kid has a shit time and a meltdown, ruining the other kids day, just to prove a point?

PatriciaPerch

I didn't mean it as a way of spoiling my kids. I meant it as a way of re-settibg the tone. As in, you are home and you can relax. My xh is a nasty piece of work. Shuts them in their room in the dark, gives them spicy food they don't like, eats sweets in front of them but doesn't share. I can't fix that with a gift. I can make it obvious that they are home and they can expect joy and to be relaxed.

Also, I'm sorry about your sister.

The only time in our family when a non-birthday child gets a present is when they're really little so dont fully understand why they arent getting presents and we need something as a distraction to stop them from opening the birthday child's gifts before they have a chance to.

Even then its usually something small and cheap like a colouring or sticker book from the pound shop or a kids magazine and obligatory 700 "free" cheap plastic tat toys that gets brought out by a designated older cousin/sibling to keep the small non birthday child occupied. It is not meant as a gift but as a distraction so the birthday child can open their gifts without having their little sibling/cousin rip things open first.

When the birthday person is older and there is a small non birthday child instead of a distraction item we usually just have them "help" the birthday person open their gifts, because they mostly just want to rip the paper and have zero interest in the actual items if they arent toys there is no issue with them getting upset that the gifts arent for them.

Do not get this at all! Children need to learn that they don't always get something just because someone else has.

Would you genuinely prefer that one kid has a shit time and a meltdown, ruining the other kids day, just to prove a point?
To be fair, that really wouldn't be the case for the vast majority of people.

@Thisismytimetoshine because they are kids and like opening presents 🤷🏻‍♀️ Doesn’t impact the ‘real’ presents they get so what different does it make.

@AhNowTed

Ridiculous. How do kids learn anything about taking turns, patience and basically not having it all their own way.

This.

@Thisismytimetoshine I imagine as they get older, we’ll just buy all the kits on the day they come out, rather than waiting a week, but whilst they are under 5 I’ll wrap them.

Ridiculous. How do kids learn anything about taking turns, patience and basically not having it all their own way

If birthdays are your only way of teaching your kids about taking turns, patience and basically not having it all their own way, then you're probably f**ked anyway.

@DeathOrGlory

Ridiculous. How do kids learn anything about taking turns, patience and basically not having it all their own way

If birthdays are your only way of teaching your kids about taking turns, patience and basically not having it all their own way, then you're probably f**ked anyway.

It's probably more that someone who won't even let the birthday child celebrate by themselves in case the others feel left out isn't really going to insist on turn taking in less extreme circumstances.

We always get 2-3 'unbirthday' presents for one other son, when it's the other one's birthday, but only little things like a DVD, book, T shirt, chocolate etc. We did it when they were tiny and it's a bit of a tradition now.

My 3
Are all really close in age and I always bought a
Little something for the other 2 so they didn’t feel left out and the other 2 didn’t Mither the birthday child. Worked for us and still does always buy them a little something
It’s nice to be nice x x

All of you on here who get a present for the none birthday child, do you notice that your child is now self centred, unable to take turns, ill mannered, unable to comprehend that they are not always The Special One and given to tantrums when involved in special occasions outside of the immediate family? These are all assertions that have made on this thread . For myself I have never noticed such behaviours in my children, I have often been told what beautiful manners they have and when my mum insisted on sending them both something in her regular cheer up lockdown parcels because she is worried one will be jealous, I reassure her, that absolutely will not happen because they just don't think that way, because they genuinely don't.

Don't get presents for your other kids if you don't want to but don't insist that those who do are ruining and spoiling their kids because it isn't true. I know you feel like you're making the right, moral parenting choice but you're not, you're just making a different one.

when my mum insisted on sending them both something in her regular cheer up lockdown parcels because she is worried one will be jealous, I reassure her, that absolutely will not happen because they just don't think that way, because they genuinely don't.
But there'd be no reason to send one a spontaneous, cheer up present and not the other? That's a different scenario entirely to giving both a present on one of their birthdays? 🤷🏻‍♀️

But there'd be no reason to send one a spontaneous, cheer up present and not the other? That's a different scenario entirely to giving both a present on one of their birthdays?

Really? You can't imagine that a grandparent might see something one child would like or need but not see something for the other at that time but still want to send it ? Are there rules around parcel sending I am not aware of? And it isn't different at all. We've had it said repeatedly on this thread that children will never learn not to receive at the same time as their siblings if small gifts are given on birthdays for the none birthday child, but for my kids that's not true at all as I have described. I'm genuinely quite confused by your post tbh. You seem like you can't imagine how anyone could ever think differently or do anything except exactly how you would especially how and when to send parcels to grand children.

You seem like you can't imagine how anyone could ever think differently or do anything except exactly how you would especially how and when to send parcels to grand children.
What ridiculous hyperbole 😂
I think the two situations are polar opposites but you may think what you like

I don't really get it either and have tried to resist it but my two daughters are very close and each year when asking them what they want for their birthday they mention one or two things and then always ask for something for their sister. If it didn't happen the one who did not have a birthday wouldn't mind one bit but the birthday girl would odly enough. They always say they will have one gift less so their sister can have something too. I always make sure it's a low cost token gift though and that the birthday girl has all the focus on their special day. They are both under 12 at the moment so this may change as they move in to teenage years!

Well yes, it's true we can all think what we want and thank goodness for that! Your arbitrary rules around how and when cheer up parcels should be sent by grandparents are not something I'd like to see implemented wholesale that's for sure

Do you ever give just one of your kids a surprise present, Ygritte? Just curious.