To think that you shouldn't buy presents for all of your children?

[Aqua2468]

I've seen this quite a lot on Facebook, it's a child's birthday and they're sitting there with a pile of presents and next to them their siblings sit with 1-3 presents each.

I've seen this from younger siblings and also seen it in households with older siblings.

I don't understand the problem with just allowing whoever's birthday it is to get presents and why do they have to buy for the other DC when it's not their birthday?

No way will I be doing that.

Can't imagine my mum buying me a present because it was my brother's birthday. Bloody ridiculous.

I don’t understand why it being someone else’s birthday is something to be ‘coped with’ or needs ‘goodwill’ from the other child. Surely the non-birthday child is already getting a treat - other people’s birthdays are fun for everyone else too. Choosing and giving someone a present they hope is fun, having a special tea/cake is fun. Teaching the other kid to tolerate it/giving them a consolation prize seems a sad way of looking at it.

I think this is more confusing for little children 'they've got loads of presents, why have I only got one?' Much easier to understand 'it's my sisters day so she's got all the presents'.

I don't see why it's easier to understand, if they are old enough to understand the concept of presents and birthdays then it's no harder to think "yay it's my sister's birthday and I get a gift to".

Really can't get worked up about this. Unless you are complaining about plastic throwaway toys, if so how do you not know the gifts aren't Grimm's Rainbows and other eco toys?

My friend did this. If her dd lost a tooth , her ds got a pound also.
Her dc hate each other as adults. Her dd was never allowed any special treatment...
Totally resented her db.

We all get excited for family birthdays in our house. There’s no need for a ‘consolation prize’ the other kids are excited to enjoy the special breakfast/cake/sharing some new stuff/gift giving regardless of if it’s a kid or adult birthday.

I agree with you. But I know that my grandparents used to buy presents for my dad who was 16 years older than his sister when it was her birthday. They would buy presents for her when it was my dad's birthday too. But I find it very funny and also quite sweet that they worried their great hulking teenage son would feel left out.

I agree with you OP but I have twins so this isn't something I have to deal with

However, on a serious note, I'm trying to teach one of my twins that it's okay for her sister to have attention and she can't demand it just because her sister is getting some attention. The birthday gift thing would be an excellent teachable moment hut unfortunately they have the same birthday!!

@OwlinaTree

I think this is more confusing for little children 'they've got loads of presents, why have I only got one?'

Much easier to understand 'it's my sisters day so she's got all the presents'.

I agree.

Me and my sister have always received an ‘unbirthday’ present from our parents and 40 years later still do! Never took the shine away from the birthday girl though

Children have to learn.... me and a friend had this discussion and I think it’s best who Evers birthday it is gets a gift. Other wise it makes it awkward I remember giving my child’s friend a gift and she commented that’s the problem though. Well you can’t have everything in life.

I've never heard of anyone doing this.

Totally agree op - my mum used to do this and even as a kid I felt quite about it. I haven't done it with my kids and managed to stop my mum doing it too!

Never heard of this. Birthday child only gets presents. But sibling would be included in birthday party or trip out.

It's not something I ever did, but equally can't bring myself to care that others do it differently to me.

Just do your own thing and don't worry about what other families choose to do

Nope Christmas is a shared experience but birthdays are a special day just for that person. What did/do you all do when they go to other peoples/children's birthdays or is it just a sibling thing?

I grew up in family of eight children I don't think my parents would have been able to afford even if they thought it was a good idea which I am certain they wouldn't have.

Never did it with DSS and DS either. Neither kicked off or felt left out when it was the others birthday because like most people they knew when it comes time for their day then they would be treated special.

One day to celebrate someone else’s achievement

Being born’s an achievement?!

I agree, especially because my spoiled brat younger brother always got a present on my birthday but I didn't get one on his.

Knowing MN the birthday child should only get a book and an Oxfam goat anyway.

We don’t give gifts to the non-birthday sibling.
We want them to learn to be happy for each other’s celebrations rather than be interested what they’re getting themselves.

If you don't get why it needs 'coped' with then you've clearly not got children with a father who treats your kids like shit.

Since becoming a grandmother my mum insists on this- but she never did when we were children. It doesn't bother me, her choice to be as generous as she pleases, but neither do I feel any need to emulate. If she wants to give the other dc a gift every time she buys one of her grandchildren a birthday or Xmas present that's her choice.

I am just thankful that my children had birthdays close . We usually held a joint party on the Saturday nearest. That worked well. Both single and adults now and past couple of years we paid for them to go on holiday which they enjoyed .
Never have heard much of the non birthday presents, most tend to be happy with the party, but depends on the children and ages.

I understand why people may do that, but I believe it's a terrible idea.
Birthdays are a good way for each child to feel special. And a sibling's birthday, for the non-birthday children to understand, other people are special too.

Of course it will cause jealousy, but trying to prevent jealousy actually prevents children from growing up. They have to face this feeling that not everything is about them all the time, other people get to be in the spotlight sometimes. It's a bit painful, but it's healthy.
Just like learning about sharing, this one is about leaning that some things can't and shouldn't be shared.

Ridiculous. How do kids learn anything about taking turns, patience and basically not having it all their own way.

Exactly. Probably why there are so many spoilt brats around these days.

This is one of my pet hates! One of my stepchildren gets bought gifts on the siblings birthdays by other family members(nan and aunts) and it has made them in to a spoilt brat. None of the other kids get the same treatment, in fact one year 'special child' was bought stuff and the birthday child was made to wait 2 weeks for some cash in a card! It beggars belief, honestly.