To think that you shouldn't buy presents for all of your children?

[Aqua2468]

I've seen this quite a lot on Facebook, it's a child's birthday and they're sitting there with a pile of presents and next to them their siblings sit with 1-3 presents each.

I've seen this from younger siblings and also seen it in households with older siblings.

I don't understand the problem with just allowing whoever's birthday it is to get presents and why do they have to buy for the other DC when it's not their birthday?

We did it when the DC were very little, but there's only 22 months between mine, so when DS2 turned 1, DS1 was still only 2, so we got him a toy car. It cost next to nothing and he was so pleased with it that he was unbothered by his brother receiving gifts. They're 9 and 7 now and we stopped a few years ago once they were old enough to understand. Now they look forward to the cake/party tea.

Mine were always happy for each other and generally shared the gifts anyway. Funnily neither are really too fussed about birthdays and gifts as young adults. DS2 will be 19 at the weekend and says he doesn't need anything for his birthday, he's happy we are all getting out for a nice meal :)

they still go oh it's so and sos birthday great mum will buy me a bottle of whatever
It's really ok for other families to celebrate birthdays and events differently to how you do them. Not every choice that's different from yours results in grabby arsehole adults.

The post I commented on defined grabby arsehole adult to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

@mellicauli

I don't really like presents. I don't like buying them and would be happier not to receive them. They take a lot of time to buy, I find the pressure to buy the right thing is huge and more often than not, although intentions are good, they fail to hit the right spot and just create a lot of waste.. Every year, the number of obligatory present buying occasion seems to rise. There's no polite way out of the vortex of pain. I often wonder if I spend more money on buying presents for others than I do on myself. The thought that you'd voluntarily buy even more presents than you need to is totally alien to me.

Just stick a tenner in a card ...

@BluebellsGreenbells

DS2 knows that one of his best mates, Z, doesn't celebrate christmas, but still gives him a gift and Z loves it

No respect for that families choices then? Just foist your own ideas on another family.

What a reach, are you Mr Tickle?

Z's family are friends of ours - there's no foisting, no resentment, no bulldozing, our DC love one another and they're more than happy to receive a gift for their child from his best friend. When they celebrate festivals that we don't, Z gives my son a gift and it's equally lovely.

That you'd interpret it so negatively speaks volumes.

We always had one 'unbirthday' present - mostly something we needed like a school bag or stationary for school

On the other hand, I have certainly met people who, even as adults, were 'birthday princes' or more often 'birthday princesses', who would make everyone else's life miserable if they didn't have their own way in everything on their birthday, and often for a few days before and afterwards

I had a birthday week when I was 40

I think it’s pretty mean and unnecessary to passive aggressively me-rail a general discussion on an enormous chat forum because people disagreeing with you don’t have psychic knowledge of how your specific relationship issues make celebrations of other people’s birthdays an endurance. But there you go

No she didn’t. She just posted a post that blended in. You then started picking at it derailing it yourself

That post did not blend in. Otherwise she wouldn't have been asked to explain in the first place.

@GlennRheeismyfavourite

We always had one 'unbirthday' present - mostly something we needed like a school bag or stationary for school

Almost as bad as my step mother buying me an Argos alarm clock for school on my 14th birthday

Well, I've heard it all now! People buying their kids an 'unbirthday' present so they don't have a tantrum or feel left out on their siblings birthday...wow. How about just teaching them to not be self centred and entitled but to be happy for their sibling and take pleasure in the general birthday celebrations? It's not like they aren't having a birthday themselves.

I do it for my nephews and nieces, there are a few of them and they are very close in age. Two have birthdays within a week so often get presents around the same time, and therefore not to leave the younger ones out they get something small to entertain them and feel they had something to unwrap/play with. I do think however when they get older I will probably stop as it’s harder to get smaller/cheaper gifts.

Growing up in my own family it was only the birthday child that got a gift. I think it’s each to their own, if you want to get gifts for all then do it, and if you don’t then that’s fine too.

It is something they have to learn and I don't think it does children any favours to give them a small gift when it is their sibling's birthday. They will kick off when they are older than is acceptable because they were spoilt when younger.

I agree, Aqua. If they all receive presents, what is special about their birthday.

Giving kids presents and parties and cakes just because another 365 days has passed since they were born? Well, I've heard it all now! Wow. How about just teaching them to not be self centred and entitled but to be happy for another day of life?

I do it... but mine are twins

I get my non birthday child a small gift under £10 so they don’t feel left out. It’s each to their own, but what I was will say is my children are best friends and have never had any jealousy I do what I think is best in my opinion.

@BluebellsGreenbells

It teaches kid a nothing. Surely the treat is the party, or balloons or cake? That’s the part we all get to join in?

It does smack of parents unwilling to teach children manners.

Yep, completely agree with this.

My grandma used to get me and my brother 1 small gift on the others birthday. We opened presents on the morning of our birthday in my parents bed (birthday kid got to snuggle in the middle 😊) and none birthday kid got to open their present once birthday kid had finished and gone to get ready for the day so attention wasn't taken away from birthday kid but other kid didn't feel left out. This only happened till we were each 10, after that we were old enough to understand

This only happened till we were each 10, after that we were old enough to understand
You should have been old enough to understand long before ten!

@OhioOhioOhio

I can't say without outing myself.

You could explain the principal of why giving siblings presents on the other child's birthday has anything to do with them having a shit Dad.

That's not outing.

And your original post is very confusing

@nettytree

My sons birthday is Christmas day, so we always save some of his gifts to open on his sister birthday 2 weeks later. But wouldn't have expected gifts for me on my sisters birthday when we were young. Bizarre.

Oh. I'm sure you have the best if intention, but I wouldn't do this.

IMO Your DD should be able to have 'her' day, without DS muscling in on it. It might come across to her when she's old enough that HE has to 'share' his birthday - so they make me too

Why not give him his own special day if it's compromised by Christmas (hard to see how it wouldn't be really!

My niece chose 25th of Nov When she was old enough (when she was little we used to have her birthday the first Sat in Dec. And my friend chose 25 June for her DD.

Still just my opinion... 🤷🏻‍♀️