To think that you shouldn't buy presents for all of your children?

[Aqua2468]

I've seen this quite a lot on Facebook, it's a child's birthday and they're sitting there with a pile of presents and next to them their siblings sit with 1-3 presents each.

I've seen this from younger siblings and also seen it in households with older siblings.

I don't understand the problem with just allowing whoever's birthday it is to get presents and why do they have to buy for the other DC when it's not their birthday?

Okay. If this helps. My xh gets a kick out of sabotaging special occasions. Each year 2 of my 3 kids have their birthday with him. He does weird shit like give the non birthday kid a massive gift and the birthday kids something tiny. I know that when it was Christmas or my birthday I used to stressed wondering what I'd have to cope with. Like him getting me a new sewing box, except I don't sew. Or perfume he knew I hated. If you are a pig it's clever because you burden an uncomfortable situation onto someone and because it's a gift you force them to be grateful. Like buying me silver earrings when he knows I wear gold and font like wearing earrings. So when they come home I give the birthday kids treats, usually about 6 gifts, all under £80, nothing mental. And the non birthday kid something too, because, as I said, I figure they've coped with enough. They are all close in age and still very little. My apologies for being cryptic.

IMO Your DD should be able to have 'her' day, without DS muscling in on it. It might come across to her when she's old enough that HE has to 'share' his birthday - so they make me too

I think you may have very low opinions of other people’s kids.

@Ohfredcomeon

IMO Your DD should be able to have 'her' day, without DS muscling in on it. It might come across to her when she's old enough that HE has to 'share' his birthday - so they make me too

I think you may have very low opinions of other people’s kids.

Nope. Not at all

I just don't think it's a good idea to make HER birthday THEIR birthday because his birthday is CD.

Plenty of other days in the year for him to have a birthday of his own too.

🤷🏻‍♀️

@PatriciaPerch

the people who had this happen or whose family do it seem less hung up on the aggression about it tbh :o what does it matter? I suspect my Mum's family did it because my sister was ill and I suspect my Mum carried it on because one of my children was disabled and the siblings had less as a result. Not everything is about people being spoilt and precious and over indulged for heavens sake. I've never thought anything is all about me and neither have my children

This.

Nah, I've got twins, I'm still not getting the third child a present on their birthday

It teaches kid a nothing. Surely the treat is the party, or balloons or cake? That’s the part we all get to join in?

It does smack of parents unwilling to teach children manners

Eh? My kids have got lovely manners and why does everything need to be a bloody lesson in hard knocks?

@OhioOhioOhio

Okay. If this helps. My xh gets a kick out of sabotaging special occasions. Each year 2 of my 3 kids have their birthday with him. He does weird shit like give the non birthday kid a massive gift and the birthday kids something tiny. I know that when it was Christmas or my birthday I used to stressed wondering what I'd have to cope with. Like him getting me a new sewing box, except I don't sew. Or perfume he knew I hated. If you are a pig it's clever because you burden an uncomfortable situation onto someone and because it's a gift you force them to be grateful. Like buying me silver earrings when he knows I wear gold and font like wearing earrings. So when they come home I give the birthday kids treats, usually about 6 gifts, all under £80, nothing mental. And the non birthday kid something too, because, as I said, I figure they've coped with enough. They are all close in age and still very little. My apologies for being cryptic.

I can't think why he's you Ex?!

Thank you for being less cryptic. 🌷

I don't want to derail the OP's thread any further so I'll park my million questions...

But I still wouldn't buy the non birthday child presents anyway, but having got a big non birthday present off their Dad I really cant see Your logic as to why they need yet another one from you 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm glad you left the twat!!

One of my grandchildren kicked off when, aged 2 1/2, it was his older sibling's birthday. He had a massive tantrum but had to understand it wasn't his birthday and he could enjoy the party but wouldn't be getting a present . It didn't happen again.

Totally ridiculous imo. It takes away the joy of the birthday child if a sibling also receives a present. My ex mil did this when me and my exH got married. Had to buy DD and Bil a present in case they felt 'left out' cos they hadn't got a present. Kind of took the specialness of it away. Don't recall her doing the same for us though when it was the other round.

Oh we do this tbh. Nothing we wouldn’t normally buy, it my middle son and youngest son have their birthday on the same day. They both get the newest football kit for the team they support, and so we also buy it and wrap it up for our eldest son so he doesn’t feel too left out. We would be buying if for him anyway, but we wrap it up so he has something to open.

I just see it as them both celebrating each other's birthdays so both get two nice days a year. The non birthday child gets one small present while the birthday child gets made a big fuss of with a few presents and a birthday banner and balloons etc. I genuinely DGAF what anyone thinks about it. The fury on MN over it makes me though.

IncrediblySadToo

Because I don't know what crazy shit he will have made them endure by the time I see them. I want them to know they've 'landed' at home and can relax. One year he only recognised one of their birthdays. Another year he gave one of them a birthday gift but they were only allowed to play with it the next day. One year only one of them got a cake. Another year he gave one of them a gift and the other 2 had to sit in a different room whilst the birthday child played alone. It's weird shit you couldn't dream of making up.

I agree birthday child should get gifts not siblings. Rather like winner of race should get ribbon at sports day not whole class.

Totally ridiculous imo. It takes away the joy of the birthday child if a sibling also receives a present

Not in my house it doesn’t. The birthday girl knows it’s her day.

My ex mil did this when me and my exH got married. Had to buy DD and Bil a present in case they felt 'left out' cos they hadn't got a present. Kind of took the specialness of it away

Adults and kids don’t think the same. They are not bogged down with insecurities.

My sister and I used to share our birthday money. We had birthdays a month apart and our parents always tried to be fair with us so one never got more than the other.

@YgritteSnow

I just see it as them both celebrating each other's birthdays so both get two nice days a year. The non birthday child gets one small present while the birthday child gets made a big fuss of with a few presents and a birthday banner and balloons etc. I genuinely DGAF what anyone thinks about it. The fury on MN over it makes me though.

Same year. Bonkers it can cause so much deep seated resentment

We love a good birthday here!

It boggles my mind that posters envision our birthday kids to be seething with resentment that non birthday kid got a small present and the lime light was taken away from them and that non birthday kid is an entitled brat that tantrums so they get presents.

Couldn’t be further than the truth. My kids love each other dearly and both look forward to each other’s birthdays because they know they are going to get a small surprise too! They also spend a lot of time planning what birthday kid can have of them as a gift. Birthdays are a fun day for every one in our house.

But only birthday kid gets to sit in birthday chair 👑 ‘it’s the law

@SleepingStandingUp

Nah, I've got twins, I'm still not getting the third child a present on their birthday

That’s even worse!

Worse than what?

Each to their own but I don't buy for mine when it's the others birthday. It's their sibling's day to shine, they'll get their turn soon enough

Exactly, 'each to their own.'

@GlennRheeismyfavourite

We always had one 'unbirthday' present - mostly something we needed like a school bag or stationary for school

See school stuff on birthdays really annoys me. But that's because my birthday is at the end of August. So I'd get a pile of presents and 95% of it would be new school stuff all wrapped up. New bag, pens etc. My brother would get much the same stuff at some point around that time just because he needed it. When I was about 15 I asked my mother about it, explaining that it wasn't particularly special to me. But she's in the 'its nice to have lots to open' camp and couldn't understand why I wasn't happy. Because it was lazy and I can't recall one standout birthday gift. She thought that because I had a pile of presents, I should be happy. But they weren't real presents really.

Mind you, this is the same woman that one year wrapped a plastic tub (from a jumble sale) that she'd stuffed with cotton wool as a Christmas present for me aged 13. When I asked her what I was supposed to do with it, she replied 'take off your make up?'. I didn't own any make up. Her reply to that was 'well it's nice to have things to open'. Not if it's crap inside it isn't!

It takes away the joy of the birthday child if a sibling also receives a present.

In all the years I have done it I have never seen this. Never seen one of my children enjoy their day less because their sibling unwrapped a toy car or small plush toy. Is this actually something you've seen yourself or just how you know you would feel? I'd be worried if I had raised a child whose enjoyment was so diminished by their sibling receiving a small gift too. I'd wonder why they were so "it's all about ME!" and felt their joy was lesser because their sibling got a little something too when they're were getting so much.

It’s just another example of modern narcissism. Teaches children they are always important even if it’s someone else’s special day and to always think about their own happiness first

It’s not something I do (kids birthdays are within a few weeks of each other anyway) but if others want to, why would anyone else care? I don’t get that.