To think that you shouldn't buy presents for all of your children?

[Aqua2468]

I've seen this quite a lot on Facebook, it's a child's birthday and they're sitting there with a pile of presents and next to them their siblings sit with 1-3 presents each.

I've seen this from younger siblings and also seen it in households with older siblings.

I don't understand the problem with just allowing whoever's birthday it is to get presents and why do they have to buy for the other DC when it's not their birthday?

I don’t want to do this with my children, sometimes it’s just not your birthday, oh well. But don’t care what other families do, it’s like monopoly, ever family plays it differently.

they still go oh it's so and sos birthday great mum will buy me a bottle of whatever
And you're happy to have encouraged that level of grabbiness? I wouldn't be.

I do not understand this at all

You’re teaching your child that they get anything even if it’s someone else’s day

None of my kids have ever gone to someone else’s birthday party and expected a present. They know the difference at 4 and 7. Birthdays are a fun occasion in our house. Every one has a good day. Birthday kid gets by far the most presents and gets to sit in the birthday chair ( yes we a birthday chair) and there is never any confusion who sits in it

It’s just a bit of fun. Nothing to get all screwed up over...

I don't really like presents. I don't like buying them and would be happier not to receive them. They take a lot of time to buy, I find the pressure to buy the right thing is huge and more often than not, although intentions are good, they fail to hit the right spot and just create a lot of waste.. Every year, the number of obligatory present buying occasion seems to rise. There's no polite way out of the vortex of pain. I often wonder if I spend more money on buying presents for others than I do on myself. The thought that you'd voluntarily buy even more presents than you need to is totally alien to me.

I've not done it with my own kids - but my parents did with my brother and I (and I'm not sure why or when it started, or when it stopped TBH) - I tended to get a book and he got a toy car/transformer

And people wonder how the entitled generation came about

Do people really wonder that?

Well if they do, at least now they can all rest easy knowing it's because some parents buy their kids presents on siblings' birthdays!

I probably wont do this s my kids birthdays are only 2 weeks apart. So I can say "you'll have your birthday in 13 days" or "you just had your birthday, remember you got XYZ".
If I had children with birthdays months apart I might feel differently.

No definitely no presents for the other children, it would take away the special meaning of the occasion for the birthday child. Also, one present is enough - it’s not Christmas!

 @DeathOrGlory

Or maybe it's because they didn't get a small gift and so became resentful and grabby because their parents were so mean and uptight? Who knows really 🤷🏼‍♀️

😱 @iolaus are you entitled and grabby because of it? Did your annual book ruin you forever?

If everyone had the same parenting style then there would be no threads to read, it's called Mumsnet. People will agree and people will disagree so I feel no guilt expressing my opinion on this matter.

Thank you for your responses, it has been an interesting read.

I don’t do this for my DC but my parents do it for my children. I always say to my DCthat they get to enjoy the birthday treats even if it’s not their birthday eg the day out and McDonald’s etc and that’s enough

My sons birthday is Christmas day, so we always save some of his gifts to open on his sister birthday 2 weeks later. But wouldn't have expected gifts for me on my sisters birthday when we were young. Bizarre.

I agree. The treats the non-birthday siblings gets are balloons, treat breakfast, cake, takeaway etc.....

I don't know anyone who actually does this

I’ve always done that and none of them
Expect it now or act spoilt or entitled. I just love presents and enjoy giving gifts and having a lovely day. And as I pushed the little (and two of them were NOT little at nearly 10 and nearly 11lb!!) feckers out of my vagina I can jolly well do as I please on the anniversary of those days!!!

I agree.

When I was a kid, we used to be excited for siblings birthdays, excited to see what they got etc and just very happy to have a slice of the birthday cake!

My mother does this, Gifts for the sibling of the birthday child. She feels that the other child would feel left out. I've given up fighting her on it.

@Thisismytimetoshine

they still go oh it's so and sos birthday great mum will buy me a bottle of whatever And you're happy to have encouraged that level of grabbiness? I wouldn't be.

It's really ok for other families to celebrate birthdays and events differently to how you do them. Not every choice that's different from yours results in grabby arsehole adults.

I'm surprised some of the posters on here even buy gifts for their DC given how competitive the frugality is.

I have never heard of this , I probably couldn’t have afforded it when mine was young. Quite often we buy little gifts out of the blue for each other nowadays ,

Each to their own but in our house it's only the birthday child that gets the presents. The siblings are always excited to watch the birthday sibling open their presents. They are teenagers now. My SIL has two little ones and does the opposite. Birthdays always turn into a huge meltdown from one of them. It's not a joyful day! It obviously works ok for some families but not in this instance.

We did this on ds's birthday. We got dd a small present ( we set the limit at £10) and ds gave it to her. She was super happy her brother gave her a present and he was happy with his own. As a child my parents did not do this and only the birthday child got presents. I do not allow anyone apart from birthday child to blow the candles on the cake either. One kids spittle on it is more than enough! My sil always buys her son a present when it is my kid's birthdays and does the same when it is his friend's birthdays, I think that is ridiculous and as a result dn is bratty but they can afford it and he is an only child

@Ohfredcomeon

upsidedownwavylegs

Wonder where your kids learned to struggle with things that aren’t about them

That’s actually really mean and unnecessary. It’s pretty clear there may be a underlying factor why she might want to treat all the kids. And bloody good on her.

I think it’s pretty mean and unnecessary to passive aggressively me-rail a general discussion on an enormous chat forum because people disagreeing with you don’t have psychic knowledge of how your specific relationship issues make celebrations of other people’s birthdays an endurance. But there you go.

DS2 knows that one of his best mates, Z, doesn't celebrate christmas, but still gives him a gift and Z loves it

No respect for that families choices then? Just foist your own ideas on another family.

I have never met a child or adult who appeared to be spoilt, grabby, or unable to delay gratification just because they were given something on someone else's birthday. I can see that this could be the result if they were given the present just to prevent or stop a tantrum; but in most cases, it's just a custom in that particular family.

On the other hand, I have certainly met people who, even as adults, were 'birthday princes' or more often 'birthday princesses', who would make everyone else's life miserable if they didn't have their own way in everything on their birthday, and often for a few days before and afterwards. While in some cases, they were probably just rather selfish people who were using the birthday as the current excuse, I do think that too much emphasis on a birthday, not as a fun occasion, but as The One Day When You're Special, can encourage the development of such an attitude.

I don't regard giving presents to siblings as the cure for this attitude, and in fact I mostly don't do so. Just saying that in my own observations, I've seen more spoilt-brattish behaviour resulting from overemphasis on Your Birthday as Your Big Special Day than from receiving small gifts on other people's birthdays. Admittedly, it's possible that I'm a bit of a 'birthday grinch', as I really dislike celebrating my own - but I don't think it's just that.