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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that you shouldn't buy presents for all of your children?

252 replies

Aqua2468 · 03/08/2020 16:24

I've seen this quite a lot on Facebook, it's a child's birthday and they're sitting there with a pile of presents and next to them their siblings sit with 1-3 presents each.

I've seen this from younger siblings and also seen it in households with older siblings.

I don't understand the problem with just allowing whoever's birthday it is to get presents and why do they have to buy for the other DC when it's not their birthday?

OP posts:

Grandmi · 03/08/2020 18:05

I always got a very small cheap gift for the siblings.

WaxOnFeckOff · 03/08/2020 18:06

I'm with you OP, the siblings obviously get to join in with a special meal or party or trip out but not presents.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 03/08/2020 18:07

I always get a little something for the other child but I don't give a toss what anyone else does - why should you?

girlicorne · 03/08/2020 18:07

We have always done this, just part of our birthday traditions, the other child gets a few token gifts book, stationery, sweets etc. I don’t see the harm but if you don’t agree with it that’s totally your choice!

YgritteSnow · 03/08/2020 18:07

If this becomes the norm I will be doing less than expected, people will ask/wonder why I don't get my other DC a present on birthdays. They may compare with other families.

Unlikely given how many people agree with you on this thread and that families make multiple, different, far more important choices for their children all over the world and they don't spread like some sort of social contagion, and why would you care so much what other people think anyway if you're sure your way is The Right Way?

aprilanne · 03/08/2020 18:12

Oh dear I have always gave the non birthday child a small gift .never wrapped in birthday paper or anything like that .as teenagers they got ten pounds and as adults I buy them a bottle of there favourite tipple .no one was ever jealous it worked great they still go oh it's so and sos birthday great mum will buy me a bottle of whatever .its just horses for courses

FudgeBrownie2019 · 03/08/2020 18:12

I've done it since mine were tiny - their gift has always been something very small, and always comes after the birthday child has opened all their gifts. Neither is the type to expect or demand gifts, and neither is badly behaved or spoiled.

Every family does birthdays and christmases differently. It's fine for DC to learn that - DS2 knows that one of his best mates, Z, doesn't celebrate christmas, but still gives him a gift and Z loves it. It's all about teaching them that everyone's living their lives how they feel is right.

OhioOhioOhio · 03/08/2020 18:13

I can't say without outing myself.

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 03/08/2020 18:14

My mum always did this when we were young. Hasn’t affected me. It stopped when we were teens.

Up until teens? I'd assumed people who did this were trying to appease toddlers

Soubriquet · 03/08/2020 18:18

@OhioOhioOhio

I can't say without outing myself.

namechangenumber204 · 03/08/2020 18:18

And people wonder how the entitled generation came about... never heard anything so bloody ridiculous. The one day of the year that you are 'special' is your birthday (unless you are a twin etc) and the day should revolve around you and your siblings also get a gift? [very large eye rolling emoji] (yes I know that isn't a MN thing).

ddl1 · 03/08/2020 18:21

I don't think it's a big deal one way or another. I think it's fine to give a sibling a small gift (nothing extravagant). But I don't think it's necessary to do. With a sibling under 3, the paper and boxes from the older child's presents may be a good gift in itself!

Thisismytimetoshine · 03/08/2020 18:21

Why would you pass a comment that you can't explain without "outing yourself"? Why say it at all?!

upsidedownwavylegs · 03/08/2020 18:22

@OhioOhioOhio

I can't say without outing myself.

Wonder where your kids learned to struggle with things that aren’t about them

HowFastIsTooFast · 03/08/2020 18:23

Christ and to think that back in my day only the middle of pass the parcel had a prize in it, if you didn't get the last layer you got nothing, and there was no sneaky parental side-eyeing to make sure everyone got a turn either.

How any of us survived the trauma is a wonder

Ohfredcomeon · 03/08/2020 18:23

Any excuse to have a celebration in this house! Sibling gets a one present too. And sibling is allowed to bring one friend to siblings birthday party

We celebrate Valentine’s Day as a whole family too 🥳

sammylady37 · 03/08/2020 18:24

18 months between my DC and both sets of grandparents started the 'tradition' of buying a gift for the non- birthday child as they thought the child wouldn't understand why they weren't getting presents too.
I'm ashamed to admit I joined in with this too.
DC are now 9&10 and this has carried on- and escalated as presents become more expensive. It's really out of hand

You say this as if it’s something entirely out of your control, instead of it being something you can put a stop to immediately. The children are old enough to be told that from now on, only the birthday child gets a gift on their birthday, and that the only reason it was done differently was because when they were very young they might not have understood it.

Hubstar · 03/08/2020 18:25

I do not understand this at all

You’re teaching your child that they get anything even if it’s someone else’s day.

I mean I don’t get w gift when it’s my husbands birthday. Or his mothers. Or fathers. Or grandmothers (though what an idea!!!!)

I think you’re setting yourself up for failure. But hey. That’s just my opinion.

Sorberret · 03/08/2020 18:28

YANBU
I hate this! Just let the child whose birthday it is have their own special day. Children have to learn there are times when its not all about them.

sammylady37 · 03/08/2020 18:28

Jesus Christ, that’s actually pathetic. To be carrying on that way with teenagers and adults, and worse, that the adults look forward to their siblings’ birthdays because they’ll be getting a gift too?

I suppose now we know why so many adults have massive senses of entitlement. They must be a joy to work with 🙄

Ohfredcomeon · 03/08/2020 18:29

upsidedownwavylegs

Wonder where your kids learned to struggle with things that aren’t about them

That’s actually really mean and unnecessary. It’s pretty clear there may be a underlying factor why she might want to treat all the kids. And bloody good on her.

BluebellsGreenbells · 03/08/2020 18:30

they still go oh it's so and sos birthday great mum will buy me a bottle of whatever .its just horses for courses

No expectations or entitlement there then!

Lelophants · 03/08/2020 18:31

Agreed. People in rl actually do this? wow

Thisismytimetoshine · 03/08/2020 18:32

@Ohfredcomeon

upsidedownwavylegs

Wonder where your kids learned to struggle with things that aren’t about them

That’s actually really mean and unnecessary. It’s pretty clear there may be a underlying factor why she might want to treat all the kids. And bloody good on her.

You can treat your kids any day of the week if you feel the need. No need to make a showy festival of it on their sibling's birthday.

Lelophants · 03/08/2020 18:33

I mean when they go to other kid's parties, they dont expect gifts too right?

I dont get why youd ever start it.

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