To think that you shouldn't buy presents for all of your children?

[Aqua2468]

I've seen this quite a lot on Facebook, it's a child's birthday and they're sitting there with a pile of presents and next to them their siblings sit with 1-3 presents each.

I've seen this from younger siblings and also seen it in households with older siblings.

I don't understand the problem with just allowing whoever's birthday it is to get presents and why do they have to buy for the other DC when it's not their birthday?

They have to face this feeling that not everything is about them all the time, other people get to be in the spotlight sometimes. It's a bit painful, but it's healthy

Totally agree.

It's a parenting strategy for young children with small age gaps - on par with getting the firstborn child a token "gift" from the new baby sibling so they don't get upset about something they don't understand. If it's happening with much older children, I guess some families just don't outgrow the habit?

No big deal...my birthday is December 25th so I've had to "share" my birthday every year.

The non birthday sibling always gets a book in this house.

Mainly due to my inability to control myself in Waterstones. But also because it guarantees me a quiet evening from both dc's after a busy birthday.

I did when my children were younger because they couldn’t understand.

But it all stopped when the youngest hit 4.

My grandma used to do this. A proper present for the birthday person, then a box of chocolates or something small for the rest.

Never done it myself though.

I've only seen this once before when I was a child and was quite puzzled about it at the time.

I was at the party of two girls (twins) and their older brother had a new toy as a gift as well.

Looking back on it, I suppose maybe his sisters got lots of girly gifts that he might not have been interested in sharing with and he was the only child in the family with no gifts on that day.

The three children were all so so polite and well behaved I can't imagine it was necessary but I suppose their parents were just being thoughtful.

I won't be bothering with that with my children though!

I’ve never heard of this happening before! My brother and I are close in age and although we had plenty of rivalry at other times, birthdays weren’t one of those times. We both got to join in with cake, games etc for each other but neither of us received gifts on the others birthday.

laudete

Exactly that.

I agree it’s absolutely ridiculous, and in families where I’ve seen it done, the children have all been spoiled brats. Birthdays are a special day for the birthday child, and the party should be enough of a treat for the other siblings, who will know they have their own special day too.

One thing my parents always did, which I think was a lovely thing to do, was ensure that each of us gave the birthday child a gift and at Christmas we all gave each other gifts, and gave gifts to our parents. Now as young kids, our parents clearly paid for the gifts, but we were involved in choosing them and wrapping them etc. At Christmas I remember being given ‘shopping money’ and getting gifts from that, as well as using pocket money. It taught us that everything didn’t revolve around us, that there was pleasure in giving too, and that sometimes you make sacrifices for others (eg spending some pocket money on a gift instead of spending it all on yourself). Often the gifts were a bad of chocolate, or pound shop tat, but it was the principle of it that was important.

My mum always did this when we were young. Hasn’t affected me. It stopped when we were teens.

I also buy the non Birthday child something small on birthdays. I didn’t really plan to but it’s because they have autism and struggle with sharing and both quite possessive over their belongings so buying the other child a small gift makes things a little easier! I have 2 so much more affordable! Also with a lot of things I have to buy two of anyway!

My mum always did this with us and I’m not a spoilt brat 🤣

My parents used to get me and my sister a present on each other's birthday. But the non birthday dc only got a small gift. I think it's sweet. Obviously it stopped once we were mature enough to deal with it.
One year my parents got a beautiful massive helium balloon and the birthday dc got a big present. Oh how we fought over that balloon haha.
Doesn't always work out the ways it's planned so it wouldn't really bother me whatsoever.

Meh. My parents used to do this when we were very little, just a little token thing. I don’t think it left us utterly spoiled and impatient, but maybe I just haven’t noticed. We don’t do it, but then our children’s birthdays are a week (and some years, obviously) apart so they can suck up the week’s wait!

It's like every time one kid has a new pair of the shoes the other has to too. Silly.

I don’t know why people assume this is always to stop the non-birthday child having a tantrum?

My grandparents always got the non birthday child a token gift and tbh I often forgot I was going to get it because why would I? It was my sister’s day, but it was appreciated all the same. It was a thoughtful gesture but it was never done with the intention of preventing a sulk.

Likewise though my parents operated a policy that we didn’t always get something just because the other did ie of my mum went out and saw something she knew my sister would like she would pick it up and didn’t have to also get something for me. I would get something another day. We didn’t have to always both get something but overall should get equal time and attention.

I agree. Only the birthday child got presents on their birthday and the other one got to eat birthday cake and play with balloons as did birthday child. How on earth do children learn to wait for treats if they are treated every time someone else has a birthday. However I cannot be too upset about what others do with their children but I cant help thinking that they are raising a generation of kids who learn nothing about delayed gratification and these are often the ones who end up in enormous debt as adults.

Only person I've ever known to do this is my DB. 3 children all with birthdays in the same month - 2 on consecutive days the 3rd 2 weeks later. 3rd birthday child got a present at the time of 2 siblings birthday so she wasn't left out. I never asked if the other 2 got gifts on 3rd child's birthday. I found it odd - it's the birthday child's special day, the others get to share in cake/party/balloons/treat. Never been done in this house - and my DS with ASD was more than able to understand that his sister got gifts on her birthday and he got them on his.

I dont do this but my mil does. Goes down well. It's something like a book or small crafting pack.

I think you shouldn’t if you don’t want to. I think other parents should do whatever they want to do.

But how old are your kids and what is the age difference? Honestly if you are buying for a first birthday and the other siblings are younger than 4 it is bliidy easier to get them all something.

Imagine making a thread just to bitch about other people's choices.

Congratulations- you've just invented Mumsnet!

My mother in law tried her best to instigate this.

I am very much in the ‘birthday child gets all the gifts’ camp, and that is that.

My MIL has been doing this since the kids were little (now 12 and 9) and it really gets on my tits. She does it because she can't bear one of them to be put out in any way, but it really annoys me. They need to learn that sometimes it's not about them.
But MIL is a bit weird and a bit obsessed with not upsetting them in any way.