For not wanting to see this child ever again?

[justchecking80]

Today son (6yo) and I met acquaintance mum and her child (4yo) for lunch and play in the park. We are both in a larger group due to go on holiday with kids later in August and mum approached me asking for a playdate so the kids "can get to know each other".
This child is "difficult" and prone to aggressive behaviour and tantrums. We've been out with them a couple of time and child has been very physical, in one instance even wrapping his arm around my son's neck.

Anyway, we met for lunch and things went ok, although towards the end child decided he wanted to lay down on his and son's chair so my son had to stand up while his mum was finishing her meal. Also, at one point the child started screaming extremely loudly with people staring at us.
We then went to the park where child has been:

• throwing sand on my son, aiming to his face
• being disobedient and totally disregarding what his mum was asking him to do/not to do
• invited my son to a race with their scooters, resulting in me and mum losing sight of them for a good 10 minutes, I've never once lost my son before. During this time my son got slightly injured falling from the swing while child was pushing.
• throwing gravel stones at me and my son, and carrying on after his mum asked him to stop
• at the end of the playdate, we were due to leave and by now I was looking forward to it to catch the train home and after I asked the child to return my son's scooter because we needed to run for the train he decided to run away with it while his mum chasing him for a good 10 minute, resulting in us actually missing the train
• when we finally got hold of them (mum was still trying to take the scooter out of child' hands) I told the child he was being naughty and he replied I am a stinky poop
• we then left mum and child behind to try to get the train child was having a meltdown anyway but after realising that was too late we slowed down our pace, resulting in mum and child catching up with us and having to walk together while child kept calling me stinky poop for several times ignoring him mum's plea to stop.

AIBU for not wanting to meet this child ever again and now dreading to have to spend a week with them in August?

YANBU. Sounds like hard work rather than a fun day out.

Do you have to stay with her and her child all day? Can you go off and do your own thing?

What were you doing OP that your six year old went out of your sight in a park and you didn't notice?
Younger children often show off to older ones and act inappropriately I think a two year age gap is too much at this age. Hopefully there are more age appropriate friends on the holiday.

Deary me, I can't believe you sent her that message. That poor mother. That was totally unnecessary.

I bet she'd be pretty happy not to have to go on a holiday with you, too!

Sending that message was a deeply unkind thing for you to do.
Undoubtedly the mother knows full well what he is like, and she needs support, not nastiness.

I have also sent a message to the mum telling her I was concerned about my son's behaviour today and I don't want the children to play together unsupervised during the holiday

You're basically telling her that your son was only naughty because her son was, so it's all the 4 year old's fault.

Please don't be 'that' mother because believe me, I've met many of them over the years, although it's normally when they can't handle the behaviour of their PFB.

Your 6yr old son disappeared with this boy for 10 minutes, racing him on his scooter and stopping off to play on the swings, knowing he was well out of sight of you and that you'd be worried.

You seem to accept that in one breath, yet continue to blame the 4 year old in another.

You should have left after the stone/gravel throwing incident. How is the child going to learn that ‘bad behaviour = play time stops’ if you just carry on.

Why on earth are you going on holiday with people you’ve not met before ?

You sent her that text mesage? What a unkind thing to do! She was probably feeling shit about her son's behaviour and you've made it ten times worse now.

Your child is your responsibility so if he scooted off that’s your lookout,not a 4yo.
Clearly the play date didn’t go well. You need to politely decline future meet up
Don’t be ambiguous to be polite,if you genuinely don’t want them to play you should be explicit . No flimflam about unsupervised play.
You shouldn’t have sent the mum that text it was harsh. I expected she felt utterly deflated, probably cried.

@MyChemicalMummy

You sent her that text mesage? What a unkind thing to do! She was probably feeling shit about her son's behaviour and you've made it ten times worse now.

How was she unkind to the mother? She told the mother that she was disappointed in her own child's behavior

This is the first time I've ever said/thought this but I really hope the mother is a Mumsnetter and spots this.

At least she might feel as though she has some support/understanding.

She sounds like she tried her best with a difficult child. That's not easy in itself but when you're up against a mum who refuses to see her child's behaviour isn't perfect, it must be even harder.

If only she was a perfect parent like you eh OP?

Its laughable that you took offence at a four year old calling you a stinky poop.
It is shocking and deeply hurtful that you sent the mother that text. What an extremely, unnecessarily nasty thing to do.

This is the message I sent, I didn't want to dig the knife or being mean to mum but wanted to set expectations for the holiday.

"Hi Mum, it was nice seeing you today. I have to be honest, I am a bit concerned about my Son's behaviour today. I never lost him before and it was extremely frightening. I have noticed him being a bit disobedient also last time he was playing with Child. Obviously, I am not implying it's Child fault, but I think the combination of 2 of them playing together that could lead them to do more daring things. I am just giving you a heads up because we are due to go on holiday together and I think it would be much safer if they don't get to play alone unsupervised."

To which she apologised saying her child can be naughty and when kids are together can copy behaviour.

How was she unkind to the mother? She told the mother that she was disappointed in her own child's behavior

She's blaming her own 6 year old child's behaviour on the 4 year old's influence.

That's very unkind, not to mention ridiculous.

Hi Mum, it was nice seeing you today. I have to be honest, I am a bit concerned about my Son's behaviour today. I never lost him before and it was extremely frightening. I have noticed him being a bit disobedient also last time he was playing with Child. Obviously, I am not implying it's Child fault

Good because it was YOUR fucking fault!

Leaving the issue of Covid aside, how are you expecting to have a nice relaxing holiday if you go with that rude child? Honestly I would pull out and go alone with your child. If that child did all that in 1 day I can only imagine what he will be like for 7.

I am not blaming a 4yo for my 6yo behaviour at all, I think my son has the tendency to copycat other children's attitudes and he has been clearly warned running away is not acceptable.

I think that text was fine given what happened, and I don’t blame you if you’re not relishing chance of a holiday with him. Make sure they’re properly supervised and have plenty of your own plans if it becoming to much hard work on the holiday.

I think you’re being pretty unreasonable in blaming a 4year old for leading astray your older child. Is your child an only? My two would never get away with blaming each other for their own wrong choice.

As far as behaviour goes, it may be he is misbehaving because mum has been working like crazy during lockdown and not been able to give him attention, he might have SEN, he might just be a little immature at only 4. Mum sounds like she was doing her best.
I think your text was really nasty. I would think less of a friend if they sent that to someone.

SEN mum here. It seems glaringly obvious that the child has special needs, adhd perhaps. I feel very sad for the mum.

I have lost friends who can't understand my sons' behaviour. I've had my son (10) tell me how lonely he is ( he has autism so just behaves differently, not uncontrollable behaviour) My 9 year old has ADHD and this boy sounds just like him.

The poor mum needs friends. The child will grow up probably never noticing the horrid looks.

Here we are 3 weeks into the school holidays and not one invite to play. I can't even begin to tell you how heartbreaking it is.

Out interest how have you & acquaintance mum ended up in the same holiday group?
Will you be expected to socialise together? Will it not be obviously strained given you have concerns regarding her son behaviour