For not wanting to see this child ever again?

[justchecking80]

Today son (6yo) and I met acquaintance mum and her child (4yo) for lunch and play in the park. We are both in a larger group due to go on holiday with kids later in August and mum approached me asking for a playdate so the kids "can get to know each other".
This child is "difficult" and prone to aggressive behaviour and tantrums. We've been out with them a couple of time and child has been very physical, in one instance even wrapping his arm around my son's neck.

Anyway, we met for lunch and things went ok, although towards the end child decided he wanted to lay down on his and son's chair so my son had to stand up while his mum was finishing her meal. Also, at one point the child started screaming extremely loudly with people staring at us.
We then went to the park where child has been:

• throwing sand on my son, aiming to his face
• being disobedient and totally disregarding what his mum was asking him to do/not to do
• invited my son to a race with their scooters, resulting in me and mum losing sight of them for a good 10 minutes, I've never once lost my son before. During this time my son got slightly injured falling from the swing while child was pushing.
• throwing gravel stones at me and my son, and carrying on after his mum asked him to stop
• at the end of the playdate, we were due to leave and by now I was looking forward to it to catch the train home and after I asked the child to return my son's scooter because we needed to run for the train he decided to run away with it while his mum chasing him for a good 10 minute, resulting in us actually missing the train
• when we finally got hold of them (mum was still trying to take the scooter out of child' hands) I told the child he was being naughty and he replied I am a stinky poop
• we then left mum and child behind to try to get the train child was having a meltdown anyway but after realising that was too late we slowed down our pace, resulting in mum and child catching up with us and having to walk together while child kept calling me stinky poop for several times ignoring him mum's plea to stop.

AIBU for not wanting to meet this child ever again and now dreading to have to spend a week with them in August?

Nobody on here can say if this child has sen or not... We know just a snippet of info.. It takes ages for professionals to diagnose a child with sen!
I also think it was quite cruel and unnecessary to message the Mum, it can't be an easy situation for her, she apologised to you.... I feel sorry for how she must feel about the situation and she probably feels embarrassed and helpless about what to do!
You either go on the holiday, try and keep your distance or just accept your child is always going to encounter other children that you don't like... Let's hope your child doesn't show you up in the future... Get ready for the age 7 testosterone peak!!

I'm going to hide this thread too. Just emphasises how little understanding or empathy there is for chikdren like my dd. We don't know this child has SEND, but he could. 4 is young to be diagnosed.

But I do know that people make shitty comments and judge a lot when they see my dd.

My DD1 has always been angelic in school. Then within minutes after leaving she would be hitting and kicking me. One of her TAs witnessed one of these scenes and told the class teacher. It was embarrassing at the time but just as well really.

She was a complete Jeckyll and Hyde. She has improved a lot over the years but she's still completely different at school from at home. Better than the other way around, I suppose.

"No one’s employed just to do that, @Spikeyball. A TA, especially these days, will likely have worked directly with SEN kids. I expect Timekeeper was office or kitchen-based."

I don't believe Timekeeper has any recent experience working with children in schools. If she was in a classroom recently it was as a parent helper not a LSA/TA. She would not get past an interview with her attitude.

I can ask her to sit still at the table until I am blue in the face for example or tell her that she needs to complete work while offering a trip to the park as a reward and she still wouldn't be able to do those things sometimes. My daughter has a very mild case, there are children out there far, far worse with parents who work their arse off to teach their kids right from wrong while seemingly achieving nothing

Same with my DS with SEN. It's exhausting, I already have to put in so much more effort into managing his behaviour than an NT child would need (comparision based on my NT child) and still people judge. I am doing my best with the hand I've been dealt.

Why are we assuming this child has SEN or ADHD ? when was he diagnosed ? I don't see this in OP's posts 🤔

Children are very rarely diagnosed at 4 years old. And how would the OP know anyway?

How does anyone on here know ????

@BumbleBeee69 those of us with kids who do have diagnosis can often find the behaviour described as being very relatable to how our own children are. I know my DD can behave exactly like described the child in the OP when she's well on the way to overload meltdown. Her warning signs are that she turns into a terror then she goes boom.

@Mittens030869 Mine started going at school and lashing out just as badly there. As much as I am relieved it opened the door to getting the support She needed every single day it's still mortifying picking her up

Why did you stay until the end? After the stone throwing and and throwing I would have left,

which is your personal experience ... not OP's

OP I have read all of your posts And you still have not explained why you are going on holiday with them?????????

Also in the first post you said you didn’t know them but later said she has a habit of dumping the child with you when you are out - so which is it?

He's 4 years old, what an over reaction. Your son is 6 and old enough to know better, maybe you should focus on your own parenting and not everyone else's.

I am a parent of children with SEN who were quite challenging at times.
I wouldnt have told anyone to fuck off for that message, but it would have totally knocked my confidence.

Sometimes you see parents of kids this age look like theyre not parenting strictly enough, but you may not understand the strategies of not escalating a situation in public. That child is really little still so shes possibly not quite come to terms with sticking to the low stress situations her child needs, and still thinking that playdates and coffee shops will turn out ok. Shes reaching out for friends. She should possibly look for different friends who get it more, but if that child does have SEN, he could easily still be years away from getting a diagnosis and proper support.
I wouldnt go back to this stage of life for all the tea in china.

I think the mum did well to show you the truth before the holiday. I get that there might be problems, but they are her problems and you are not being unreasonable to want a holiday without them. I'd cancel the plans for the big holiday together anyway if it was me as that's a time of year I like it to just be me and mine. If she wants other children's company to help her own child progress I'd do that in very small doses as it sounds like that's all he can cope with and putting him into a group holiday situation isn't going to work.

And remember he is a 4 yo who has likely not had the opportunity for social interaction with his peer group or probably anyone else for many months. Is he just 4 and only in preschool or nearly 5?

The OP's child sounds quite mild and passive and its possible that they've never had to deal with more energetic children, with naughty behaviour. So there's a life lesson there I guess.

However, what really stood out was that the OP lost her son for 10 minutes and is blaming other people, including a child! If my partner came home and told me that my focus would not be the other child's behaviour but wtf they were doing to lose our child for that length of time.

If this is the first time the OP's child has run off she's had a very sheltered parenting experience tbh.

@BKCRMP That sounds really tough. My DSis has had this to cope with over the years with my DNephew (now 9). She found it really hard, and has been fighting to get a diagnosis for him for years. (This is where it's easier with adopted children actually, as there's support from Post Adoption Support, who provide funding for therapy.)

4 yr olds can be very difficult and determined from what I view and notice as mines about to turn 4
Sometimes children play up with changes and push boundaries
Being out of view so what, majority of the time when this happens they turn to find us and throwing shit is all part of misbehaviour maybe attention seeking
Mine threw a spade instead of putting it down today he's no usually like and it seems a new thing throw and go.
Just remember some play up when mums just don't need it or to show us up
kids will be kids and it's a noticeable age gap given one is pre school & ones a year into it don't forget.
One day it maybe your child!
4 is still so young to be judgmental about isn't it.

Since it isn’t a family or good friends child I wouldn’t bother. I’m realising if someone brings you more stress In life they aren’t worth it

I sympathize with you OP. I had friend who was either so laid back or chose to turn a blind eye to everything her ds did, taking other kids toys, pushing, extremely rough play not doing what he was asked (and no there were no behavioural issues or conditions just he could do whatever the feck he liked). I found his exhausting as it impacted on my own kids and was embarrassing when out as sometimes other parents would comment and I hated it.

thanks to the posters who made the time for useful and polite observations/comments as opposite to the ones who were obviously foaming at the mouth while typing, how ironic I am the nasty one, have you ever looked at your writing style?

I won't be providing any more details or reply.

You mean, thank you to those who agree with you, not those who disagreed. It's not 'foaming' to disagree strongly and tell you so. It's what AIBU is for; I've posted threads when I've genuinely wanted answers not an echo chamber.

Whether this is the result of poor parenting or the child has additional needs, I'd be withdrawing. I'm afraid I couldn't be putting myself through the stress of it.