To send my 6 year old into the shop?

[whenwewereyoung]

My DD is 6 - 7 in October. Quite often I will drive her to the spar and send her in for things while I stay in the car.

I send her in with a little list and also sometimes she has to get electricity on the key which means she has to speak to the person behind the counter.

She enjoys this and feels very grown up and proud of herself doing this, I think it's teaching her a bit of independence and she knows I am just outside if she needs me.

However, my friend has suggested this is too young and is pretty "horrified".

AIBU?

@YgritteSnow

Indeed. As I said in my original post.

"I think some children that age might be fine with it but many won't and I would worry that they were doing it to please me or I had made them do it before they felt ready to."

Surely you know your own child though?

Most kids who want to do these things independently from an early age, keep asking/begging their parents to let them do it.

When I was 5, the highlight of my day was my Mam letting me go into Woolworths with my £2 off my Grandad and pick whatever I wanted. By the time I was 10, I was regularly going to the Sainsburys Local to pick up milk or bread. I loved it! I felt so so grown up. I acted more sensible on my own too, it gave me so much confidence to speak to adults. I think you are 100% doing the right thing, nothing in life is risk free. But I hardly doubt your child will be held at gunpoint in the local Spar, or be kidnapped by the kiddie catcher if you're sat outside.

Wow most parents I know keep their kids away from the shops altogether. Not send them in for them.

I was ridiculously proud of DS1 a year or so ago. I was queuing for train tickets and had promised him a drink for the train. The queue was huge so I asked how he would feel about going into WH Smith’s opposite and buying the drinks. He was 6. I could see he throughout as I stood there in the queue. He was beside himself with delight at his success. He’d even found an alternative drink for me as what I had asked for wasn’t available. He paid cash and proudly gave me the change. Complete win all round.

OP, you know your DC. Now perhaps I might reconsider due to COVID (although at our local shop this morning I was the only customer...). But in principle YANBU.

Most kids who want to do these things independently from an early age, keep asking/begging their parents to let them do it.

Well yes. I didn't say otherwise did I?

YgritteSnow you said "and I would worry that they were doing it to please me or I had made them do it before they felt ready to."

No such worry if the kids are actually asking to do it.

Part of the trouble is that people have different ideas and standards, and if you’re a parent who wants to foster independence, other people who have different parenting styles insist on interfering.

When my daughter was six she asked to walk to school alone, I explained that wasn’t safe yet and we compromised that I would walk her to the point where there were no roads to cross but she could walk the last bit on her own and I would stand and watch her. She was six, it was only a few hundred yards down a straight piece of pavement with no driveways. I was clearly standing watching her and there was an adult on the school gate watching them in. It’s a small village primary where everybody knows each other and yet the first time I did it FOUR separate adults spoke to her as she walked past and then made comments to me like ‘gosh, you’re brave’ really, Carefully watching my very sensible year 2 child walk a few seconds down a pavement. People have lost the ability to sensibly risk assess things and their judgement makes other parents fear allowing their children any freedom because they’re made to feel like they’re wrong by people who are just more fearful than they are.

@WorraLiberty

But how would you know?

I expressed that this is what would cross my mind if I heard a six year old was doing this. I'm allowed to offer an alternative viewpoint you know and you're not going to badger me into changing it, as is your habit on these boards. Because what I think is that what I said isn't particularly controversial or worth this length of discussion, and what you're actually irritated about is me essentially calling you a pedant when I addressed your sneery "well six year olds don't tend to post on MN" comment in way that made you feel silly...

Please turn your attentions elsewhere. This circular discussion is utterly pointless. I think what I think and don't care what you think, about well, anything really. I usually skim past your posts but you addressed me directly so with a deep sigh I engaged with you out of politeness.

Enjoy the rest of your day

[quote YgritteSnow]@WorraLiberty

But how would you know?

I expressed that this is what would cross my mind if I heard a six year old was doing this. I'm allowed to offer an alternative viewpoint you know and you're not going to badger me into changing it, as is your habit on these boards. Because what I think is that what I said isn't particularly controversial or worth this length of discussion, and what you're actually irritated about is me essentially calling you a pedant when I addressed your sneery "well six year olds don't tend to post on MN" comment in way that made you feel silly...

Please turn your attentions elsewhere. This circular discussion is utterly pointless. I think what I think and don't care what you think, about well, anything really. I usually skim past your posts but you addressed me directly so with a deep sigh I engaged with you out of politeness.

Enjoy the rest of your day [/quote]
Ahh bless you YgritteSnow

I didn't mean to make you feel as though you're not allowed to offer an alternative viewpoint. That's what chat forums are all about.

One person states their viewpoint, another person states theirs and so the conversation beings - to and fro.

If that concept makes you feel as though attention has been 'turned on you' or you feel in any way that you should engage with anyone out of sheer politeness, you're quite right to disengage and let the conversation continue around you.

I personally think 6 is far too young to going into a shop alone unsupervised, 9/10 years old no problem, but 6 is too young imo, and tbh I would judge someone sending a young child into a petrol station while they sat in the car, it looks very lazy.

Would he feel confident to carry on with the transaction if another customer was drunk or aggressive in the queue next to him, or an elderly customer with dementia was getting a bit overly friendly?

I work in a spar and unaccompanied small children make me quite nervous. I wouldn't feel comfortable with a young child buying gas or electricity either as it would make me think they perhaps had too much responsibility at home and I would worry that if the key didn't top up properly (which is surprisingly common) he wouldn't have kept the receipt or anything necessary to refund it.

I don't mind kids coming in for a pack of sweets with mum/dad waiting outside but I don't think anything else is fair on the staff, we're not babysitters or here to teach kids independance.

I don't mind kids coming in for a pack of sweets with mum/dad waiting outside but I don't think anything else is fair on the staff, we're not babysitters or here to teach kids independance.

Isn't that the point though? The OP has taught her child enough independence for her to be able to do it and enjoy it too.

I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at a 7yo going into a small shop alone.

I don’t agree with you leaving her in the car alone though, at that age. I know it’s such a small chance, but there’s no need to take it... I wouldn’t want mine locked in a car on her own, and I certainly wouldn’t want her alone in an un -locked car. Moreso as there’s just nothing to be gained by it, whereas with her going into the shop I can see the independence and confidence angle.

@KorkMum

6 year old sent to do the shopping on their own I'd probably report this to social services if I'm honest.

You're kidding?

The mother is right outside!

They'd probably laugh (I hope!)

[quote YgritteSnow]@WorraLiberty

But how would you know?

I expressed that this is what would cross my mind if I heard a six year old was doing this. I'm allowed to offer an alternative viewpoint you know and you're not going to badger me into changing it, as is your habit on these boards. Because what I think is that what I said isn't particularly controversial or worth this length of discussion, and what you're actually irritated about is me essentially calling you a pedant when I addressed your sneery "well six year olds don't tend to post on MN" comment in way that made you feel silly...

Please turn your attentions elsewhere. This circular discussion is utterly pointless. I think what I think and don't care what you think, about well, anything really. I usually skim past your posts but you addressed me directly so with a deep sigh I engaged with you out of politeness.

Enjoy the rest of your day [/quote]
That wasn't polite!!

I just don't understand why you wouldn't go in with her though, even if she is the one doing the talking.

@eatsleepread because that defeats the purpose? Isn't that obvious?

I'm amazed at some of the answers on here. From the age of 6 I was walking to school on my own a mile away, as were all my school friends.
The mother is waiting outside for her, she hasn't sent her up a chimney or down the mines.

Yet @Howgreenwasmyvalley

[quote whenwewereyoung]@eatsleepread because that defeats the purpose? Isn't that obvious? [/quote]
Not obvious at all, I do similar with my ds but the difference is that I'm always in a place where I can see and hear him even if I step back and encourage him to have a go himself. It's not just about getting the items and getting in and out of the shop safely. It's also about how they go about it. For example how do you know she says please and thank you? How do you know she's waiting her turn and not snatching things?

Getting out of the car and standing discretely in a corner would achieve the same end but she'd be safer and you'd be able to guide her and praise her.

Nobody's saying it's a bad idea, just get out of the car with her.

@ChristmasinJune no

@ChristmasinJune I wasn't talking to you. You're annoying, you state your (ignorant) opinion and then can't answer when challenged. You then proceed to insert yourself in my question to someone else. Annoying.

[quote whenwewereyoung]@ChristmasinJune I wasn't talking to you. You're annoying, you state your (ignorant) opinion and then can't answer when challenged. You then proceed to insert yourself in my question to someone else. Annoying. [/quote]
I'm not ignorant, I just hold an opinion that's different to yours. You started this discussion so don't get stroppy when people don't agree with you.

Isn't that the point though? The OP has taught her child enough independence for her to be able to do it and enjoy it too.

So the daughter is independant enough to not be phased by an aggressive or confused customer? Yesterday a drunk man told me he'd 'wait outside and fuck me up' because I'd refused to sell him more alcohol. Is the daughter confident enough to deal with this situation or would I be expected to comfort her and find her mum whilst dealing with the threat myself?

Yanbu