To send my 6 year old into the shop?

[whenwewereyoung]

My DD is 6 - 7 in October. Quite often I will drive her to the spar and send her in for things while I stay in the car.

I send her in with a little list and also sometimes she has to get electricity on the key which means she has to speak to the person behind the counter.

She enjoys this and feels very grown up and proud of herself doing this, I think it's teaching her a bit of independence and she knows I am just outside if she needs me.

However, my friend has suggested this is too young and is pretty "horrified".

AIBU?

@ChristmasinJune

And as for lazy parenting - it's more lazy not to teach them these skills

I agree with this completely, however op isn't actually teaching the skills, she sitting in the car whilst the shop staff do it for her.

She's already taught her the skills, that's why she can go independently into a shop and put them into practice

Some of the responses are astonishing.

Parent waits outside or in car while child of six goes into shop with a little list.
What on earth is wrong with that?

People from other countries must wonder about us if they read this stuff.

@Notredamn I agree and her mum raised her to be incapable. I didn’t write her if that’s what you’re saying. Just saying what never allowing independence caused for the poor girl. She’s 15 now and still the same sadly.

Too young. If I was in a shop and witnessed a little child purchasing electric via key.... in would honestly wonder what the actual fuck... where is the mother. I think it looks quite bad tbh.

Why?

Some people can't distinguish between neglectful parenting and teaching children to be independent and capable, which is good parenting.

Fortunately if you paid attention you would see her then go to her mother who was right outside waiting. Phew, no drama.

My just 6 year old would probably be capable. I sent her to the kiosk at soft play last year to buy her own snacks, supervising from nearby, but her speech isn't always clear enough to be understood so I do need to loiter. She loved the independence.

It is really good to do it. I would have been about six when I was allowed to do the same including a short walk to the shop. I loved it and it taught me independence.

I don't understand the competitive independence for kids on MN. As always loads of adults staying how great this kind of thing is for kids and upbringing etc but but no six year olds saying what they think.

Well that's because 6 year olds don't tend to post on mumsnet.

However, this thread is full of people saying they were sent to the shop as a child and that they loved doing it.

The OP has also said her 6 year old loves doing it...

my niece hasnt even been in a shop since the lockdown started-not really aneed at the moment to let her mingle with god knows who

apart from that its nice shes learning

Well that's because 6 year olds don't tend to post on mumsnet.

Do you know, I genuinely didn't realise I would have to explain that yes of course I know six years olds don't post on MN but that I meant that you might get a very different answer on how they felt about it from a six year old than from a load of adults, long past childhood. I should have clarified it beyond doubt though shouldn't I? Because there's always one

“mingle with god knows who” would that be your local community
Folk who shop also go on bus,go cafe,walk,shop. They’re your god knows who

Mumsnet is such a funny place. There are loads of comments on threads about how mollycoddled and useless teenagers "these days" are. How they can't go anywhere or do anything... Yet any thread about giving a child under 16 any sort of independence has at least one comment of "I'd call social services for that tbh".

in a pandemic yes god knows who-lots of people arent practising sd its not hard to grasp thati thin its not the right time

Yet any thread about giving a child under 16 any sort of independence

But thread isn't about any child under 16 is it? It's about a six year old in the middle of a pandemic. That's the difference!

@ChristmasinJune you didn't answer my question...

@ChristmasinJune

Yet any thread about giving a child under 16 any sort of independence

But thread isn't about any child under 16 is it? It's about a six year old in the middle of a pandemic. That's the difference!

It's a child going into a small, local shop that she's been going into for years with her mother outside. Some of the replies, in particular the social services ones, are ridiculous.

lyralalala

You're absolutely right.

@YgritteSnow

Well that's because 6 year olds don't tend to post on mumsnet.

Do you know, I genuinely didn't realise I would have to explain that yes of course I know six years olds don't post on MN but that I meant that you might get a very different answer on how they felt about it from a six year old than from a load of adults, long past childhood. I should have clarified it beyond doubt though shouldn't I? Because there's always one

Honestly?

Can you imagine forcing a 6 year old to do that if they really didn't want to?

It just wouldn't work.

We went camping as a child and being allowed to go to the shop on site to get fresh bread each morning was one of the highlights! Made me feel very grown up.

Can you imagine forcing a 6 year old to do that if they really didn't want to?

I can yes. Me. I was frightened of my Mum and did a lot of things I wasn't ready for at her behest. I also saw my own six year old cry and get very stressed out but still try until I stepped in. Also loads of kids want to "help" and please their Mums. I know certain MNetters don't like it when you don't toe the MN party line but that's what I think and that's my experience 🤷🏼‍♀️

Well yes YgritteSnow I suppose there will always be exceptions to the rule for any family.

It depends on whether it is for her benefit, or yours.
My late DM had me do all sorts of things like this as a very young age, the responsibility was too much for me TBH. Recently I came across the concept of the parentified child and I recognised it far too well.
My own children do chores, usually about keeping their own room tidy and pitching in with mealtime jobs but nothing more.

I think it's far too young. I encourage (in non Covid times) my four year old to choose her own sweets and take them to the counter to pay, but sending a six year old into a shop alone to top up the electricity card just reeks of lazy parenting.

You can parrot the 'independence' line all you like, but to me it just screams 'Mum just couldn't be arsed to get out of the car.'

Indeed. As I said in my original post.

"I think some children that age might be fine with it but many won't and I would worry that they were doing it to please me or I had made them do it before they felt ready to."