To send my 6 year old into the shop?

[whenwewereyoung]

My DD is 6 - 7 in October. Quite often I will drive her to the spar and send her in for things while I stay in the car.

I send her in with a little list and also sometimes she has to get electricity on the key which means she has to speak to the person behind the counter.

She enjoys this and feels very grown up and proud of herself doing this, I think it's teaching her a bit of independence and she knows I am just outside if she needs me.

However, my friend has suggested this is too young and is pretty "horrified".

AIBU?

At soft play you are in the room - child would not be let in alone, and by taking them in you will have agreed to be responsible for them. There is a contract. Venue has been risk assessed accordingly. The staffing probably factors in a level of sorting out lost kids.

You can't expect shop workers to somehow know you are just in the car and happy to take responsibility if your child knocks over the wine rack. You can't expect them to just turn off their common decency looking out for an apparently lone kid. So you are creating work for them. Stand just inside the door. What harm does that do? Kid is still learning to do stuff.

@Bananabread8 your mother NEVER sent you into a shop alone?

I've said what I'm trying to achieve, that is independence and confidence, she enjoys going in and asks to do it. If she were to knock over a wine shelf then she would say "my mums outside" and I would be there. Do you think she would just stand there mute and say nothing? Also being sexually assaulted? This is a tiny shop we are speaking about with two aisles in it, in a very safe town, I highly doubt that would happen. Yes there is a risk but there is a risk with every single thing in life, allowing them to play with cousins older than them is a risk...allowing them to go to sleepovers at friends houses is a risk...allowing them to do after school clubs is a risk...allowing them to ride a bike is a risk...allowing them to travel on a bus is a risk...there is a risk in literally EVERYTHING we do and I don't want my daughter growing up fearful and always imagining the worst like you.

@Bananabread8 and no I'm not suggesting this is the only life skill I've to teach my daughter, that would be ridiculous and incredibly naive, it's one of many.

Sorry,I think you are being lazy and should get out of the car.
If a drunk person/thief turned violent your child could get hurt.don't say it will never happen,it very well could.take responsibility for your child and be a mum.play shops at home or go in with her.

@KarmaStar "take responsibility and be a mum" 😂 fuck off

Yeah @KarmaStar and

The place could catch fire
Could be an armed robbery
Could be struck by lightning
Could be flooded
A shelving unit could fall on the child
OPs car could catch fire and she won't be able to save her from all of the above
A sink hole could appear between OPs car and the shop

Or..... as is 99.99999999999999% likely, fuck all could happen!

Another what's the most OTT answer you've read on a thread classic!

Have a 🏅 @KarmaStar!

I'm surprised actually. My DC are 10 and 14 and even now hate asking for things in shops. Very occassionally the oldest will pick something up for me if shes out shopping with friends but the 10yo has never been in a shop on their own. I've tried for years to encourage them to go and buy things at a campsite shop for example and they are too shy. I was the same at their age.my dad used to make me go into the bakery and ask for a cake if I wanted one.most of the time i just went without rather than speaking to someone!

OP don’t start a thread and start getting arsey because I don’t agree with your motive. No my mother didn’t and I turned out perfectly well in life and I’m sure others did too.

Get on with it OP you clearly have made your mind up crack on! Miss know it all

@whenwewereyoung there's some really strange opinions on this thread! Hope they don't sway your decision to let your DD do her thing. You both sound fab tbh.

I would add my 14 yo is fairly independent in other ways, she obviously walks to and from school on her own, goes on the train with friends to the next town to go shopping, cooks meals, looks after neighbours pets when they are on holiday etc so I dont wrap her in cotton wool, she is just very shy.

[quote whenwewereyoung]@Bananabread8 your mother NEVER sent you into a shop alone?

I've said what I'm trying to achieve, that is independence and confidence, she enjoys going in and asks to do it. If she were to knock over a wine shelf then she would say "my mums outside" and I would be there. Do you think she would just stand there mute and say nothing? Also being sexually assaulted? This is a tiny shop we are speaking about with two aisles in it, in a very safe town, I highly doubt that would happen. Yes there is a risk but there is a risk with every single thing in life, allowing them to play with cousins older than them is a risk...allowing them to go to sleepovers at friends houses is a risk...allowing them to do after school clubs is a risk...allowing them to ride a bike is a risk...allowing them to travel on a bus is a risk...there is a risk in literally EVERYTHING we do and I don't want my daughter growing up fearful and always imagining the worst like you. [/quote]
No she did not. Not at the age of 6.......

@Mothermorph fair enough, everyone has different personalities, I'm pretty shy myself but my daughter is quite confident and outgoing I would say.

@DarkHelmet thank you 😊 it won't sway me at all!

I think it’s vital that our DC get age appropriate opportunities to gain independence. If it was a small corner shop and I was outside I would let my son go in and watch through the window.
However we also have to remember our kids are being brought up in a different era: I regularly walked 15 minutes to town for shopping errands from the age of 9, and we ‘played out’ all day in the summer, miles away, only coming back for tea! Not sure I would let my DC do that. From the age of 11 my mum and her friends waited on a corner for a van to pick them up and take them tattie picking, no way I would have been allowed to do that!

When my DS was 5 I did let him go buy an ice cream whilst we were at a farm park, I sat on the bench where I could see all of the kiosk and gave him the cash. They refused to save him as he was too young and waved me over. I wasn’t impressed and he was a bit gutted as he didn’t get to be ‘grown up’.

Personally I like the concept but at age 6 would not feel happy not being in the shop door to see all is going well. I wouldn't be happy myself doing as op until child was 7-8, at which point crack on merrily. But I appreciate that would totally undermine the whole point of what op has already done and in her place, if child and shop staff have no problem with it, then think she should continue. Braver than me, but that's no bad thing.

But it does depend on so many things. What is the child like? Does mum have a clear line of sight on child when parked? How big is the shop? How busy? How bustling is the area generally? Do the staff know any children entering alone? Are they friendly? How many items? How often? Presumably op has risk assessed all these things and is happy.

I would also say that (in normal, non-Covid circumstances!) you should send child with cash rather than a card - handling money is a huge life skill. Rehearse that bit with them the first few times so they know which coins to give and whether to expect change.

It's before the accident happens that the adults in the shop are doing your job keeping an eye on her, because they don't know you're hovering outside and they don't know you're taking responsibility. You're still achieving the independence standing just inside the door, without adding worry to the poor shop workers lives.

It's not the OP's risk assessment to do. At home it's OP's risk assessment. In someone else's premises she's foisting the risk assessment onto strangers who know nothing about the child or about OP's responsibility-taking. Not to mention foisting the pressure to accept a payment on a card they really shouldn't accept and could get in trouble over.

@thirdfiddle okay so what age do you deem appropriate then? Because even a 14 year old is still considered a minor therefore, if they went in to a shop alone, would the shopkeepers still feel so overwhelmed with responsibility as from what you're saying, the shopkeepers are responsible for anyone under the age of 16 in the shop without an adult? So at what age do you think the shopkeeper would feel most comfortable with that happening? Or do you suggest no one should be allowed in shops alone under the age of 16?

"Poor shop workers lives"

The sort of age you'd leave them home alone for a short period, or schools let them arrive and leave alone, so 10ish I'd say. There's no rush. There's no skills to learn they can't learn with you supervising discreetly.

Even aside from their age, if you're having to give someone else your debit card to do something, it's a fair bet you ought to be doing it a different way. Teach your kids good banking security.

Just think about it eh? It's not usual at that age, I've literally never seen a child that small wandering around a shop alone. It's bound to worry people. Plus the debit card problem too. I know it seems cool for them to be so grown up but just give it a few more years.

I'd expect to see children come into the supermarket I work in unaccompanied for something like a drink or sweets from about 10ish as that's the age I let my DD walk to/from school alone. Anyone younger or doing a more complicated shop and I'd be wondering where their parents are.

DD will occasionally pop into the co-op opposite our house on her way home from school to get some sweets/drink so if she finishes the milk for breakfast, I might give her £1 and and ask her to pick up a pint on the way home from school which I think is normal, or I might ask her to nip over and buy an odd recipe ingredient if I realise I'm missing something while cooking. What wouldn't be normal is to give her a shopping list of more than a couple of items and expect her to do that on the way home from school.

I would be very concerned about seeing a child this young in a shop unaccompanied . These days though many people would be reluctant to say anything to her because of the very thing they would be worried about happening to her !

DD wanted to go to a shop alone when she was 5. At 6 she understood money well enough so one day when I needed to be in the house for a caller I asked if she wanted to pop to the chemist (100 yards away, no roads to cross).

I wrote her a note with the name of the shampoo we needed, more to prove that an adult knew where she was. Returned in two minutes flat, very happy and now gets very excited when we run out of toothpaste so she can go buy more.

Now she's 8 and I'd just started trusting her to cross the roads between home and the corner shop, but then with lockdown queues and potential aggro, I wouldn't let her unless big brother went too. He's always been reluctant to speak to strangers but willing to with her, so it works quite well. I suspect she bribes him with sweets to accompany her.

Round here shopkeepers would just be glad someone had money for their electric, not worry about the age of kid paying for it.

People are so dramatic on here, "wandering around a shop", "giving her a shopping list of more than a couple of items".

I give her a list to help her remember so she doesn't get stressed out trying to remember, so something along the lines of

Bread
Butter
Sweetie

I'm hardly giving her my weekly shopping list and having her get that for god sake. As I've said also, this small corner shop has two aisles, not sure how much "wandering" she can get up to in such a small shop.

I feel that the ridiculous comments I am getting on here stems from other parents who are perhaps insecure about their children's maturity levels or mollycoddle them.