To send my 6 year old into the shop?

[whenwewereyoung]

My DD is 6 - 7 in October. Quite often I will drive her to the spar and send her in for things while I stay in the car.

I send her in with a little list and also sometimes she has to get electricity on the key which means she has to speak to the person behind the counter.

She enjoys this and feels very grown up and proud of herself doing this, I think it's teaching her a bit of independence and she knows I am just outside if she needs me.

However, my friend has suggested this is too young and is pretty "horrified".

AIBU?

Even if Mum was visible outside?

How visible?

Face pressed against door looking in?
Sat in car in car park or on road?

It really isn’t the norm for small children to come in shops with a list and would have raised concern. Mostly I think that maybe the mother is sick at home and the children are caring for her/ themselves or that the mother was drunk/on drugs incapacitated and the kids were fending by themselves. Which I’ll add was not unusual. The corner shop sold single cigarettes to kids if they had a note of their mother when I was growing up

In The Tesco metro near me ( in a much nicer area) the police had followed a man that was hiding out in the area, he was miles away from his home town. The police officers were in plain clothes actually stood behind him in the queue. When he went to leave the shop the police outside the shop and the ones inside jumped on him and pinned him to the ground and arrested him. The police out side the shop were not in normal police wear so obviously he was a dangerous man. How frightening would that have been if a six year old was wondering round on their own?

I know this is quite extreme and it’s probably very rare but there is just too many variables. If anything went wrong you really wouldn’t have a leg to stand on.

It’s a nice idea though I get it but I just think they are too young

@Beautiful3

When I was around 10/ 11, I was in a shop by myself. I was groped by an older man. I was shocked and didn't know what to do, as it happened so quickly. I just got what I needed from the shop and left. I never even mentioned it to my parents. So I think your child is too young to be alone, because there are weridos everywhere!!

Beautiful I had a similar experience when I was 11 but I was at a bus stop, he said something really really horrible. I was going to say this was one of my reasons but you normally get called paranoid.

I’m really sorry that happened to you.

I still disagree, there are risks in all aspects of life. Hell sending our kids to school is a risk.

Hmm, I think my parents would have been deemed extremely laissez-faire by a lot of those on here.

I used to get sent at age 5/6 across the campsite in France to the campsite shop to order pastries for breakfast in French and then pay the right amount in French money. It was obviously not a shop open to the public, but nonetheless.

By 7 I was allowed to walk down the street, cross the quiet road and buy myself a packet of wheat crunchies or a fudge and a beano with my pocket money.

I would worry about something like an electric key but that's because I've never had one myself so I would be worried it might not top up correctly or something. If they're reliable then less of an issue.

I can see some six/seven year olds may need supervising not to snatch or queue jump or to say their pleases and thank yous but I know plenty who wouldn't need that supervision and I expect most parents know whether or not that's the case. Possibly a little harder at the moment with masks and keeping out people's way, so I think at the moment I would go in if the shop had other customers in it, unless it has a clear one way system or something.

When you send kids to school there is another adult in loco parentis. You are not allowed to leave your 6 yr old in the school playground alone until handed over appropriately to a teacher, even if they are perfectly safe and there are lots of other parents around. You can't just assume someone will keep an eye out. If teachers suspected a child had been left they would be obliged to supervise them for safeguarding reasons. You can't expect your child be exempted from their safeguarding because you think your child is sensible or you're waiting in the car - how would they know?

Similarly if shop staff have reason to think a young child may have been left alone or is unsafe, they will be asking themselves if they need to intervene, find parent, make a safeguarding call. You're giving them an extra headache, to make sure the child is okay, whether you like it or not. People who work in shops have posted here to tell you that.

YANBU

I used to be sent to the shop down the road on my own at that age, for small purchases, to be helpful to my parents
It was one of many tasks that taught me useful life skills and gave me confidence

Your updated 2020 version (given the different rules nowadays) sounds very sensible

One big difference though:

Maybe wait until SD rules are no longer needed !

I think it's unusually young for this generation, but I'd say that it sounds like you're doing a great job of teaching her independence and life skills. Keep on sending her in!

Normally I'd think it was great, and she probably lobes it but would she know to socially distance and not touch anything?

My grandmother is fast approaching 102 years old

At the age of 7 her mother was taken to hospital leaving her with 4 younger brothers and sisters to take care of in the day.

She fed and changed as necessary and lube to tell the tail.

A six year old in a shop? Seriously. Lots of adults to help it if necessary. Staff would remind in manners if needed. Jumping the queue? Who cares most adults wouldn’t bat an eyelid if a child made this mistake or faffed!

Please give the child, OP, staff and general public a little bit more credit!

How does she pay?

It's an essential skill and she's happy and confident doing it. I don't see what the issue is if I'm honest.

Seriously. Lots of adults to help it if necessary. Staff would remind in manners if needed.

I am not reminding an unaccompanied child of anything. It's not my job to parent unattended children in my store @BluebellsGreenbells nor do I have an interest in being responsible for them.

If there is an unaccompanied child I'm not about to actively put them into harms way or ignore them if they ask me for help, but equally it is not my responsibility to constantly keep them under supervision and ensure they are safe. I have too many other jobs that actually are my job to have time to be in loco parents.

Also, you have clearly never worked in a supermarket if you think adults dont tutt, sigh, eye roll and generally get huffy if anyone - young child, 90yr old lady or otherwise - takes too long faffing around or making mistakes or doing anything to hold up the queue, especially during peak hours.

From the ages of 5&9 DB and I would be sent every morning to the bakery on holiday in France. Told what to ask for in french and given the money to count out. We loved it.

My 4yo orders for himself in restaurants and I'd definitely be happy sending him inside our village keystore by himself in a couple of years.

6 year old sent to do the shopping on their own I'd probably report this to social services if I'm honest.

Another one for the most extreme mumsnet post thread!

I wait outside our local shop with the dog while dd who’s 8 pops in for a few bits. Seems safer to me than the other way around. Social distancing for under 11s ends in wales today as she’s far less likely to pass Covid into anyone than me.

I used to go with a note to get my mum's cigarettes before I was old enough to go to school - that was definitely too young.

If your child is mature enough and wants to do it I don't see a problem.

Pre covid my Chinese food was sometimes 'delivered' by the grand daughter of the owner, dad was by the car, the little girl used to like walking down th..e path and knocking on the door.

@Ohfredcomeon

I grew up on a poor council estate and worked in a chemist that was attached to a spar. If a six year old cane in the shop with a lost we absolutely would have thought that something was going wrong at home. Maybe MN don’t know what it’s like on the other side of the tracks.

Also we had lots of dickheads in the shop I wouldn’t want my 7 year old to be around that

I had said I sent my child into the chemist with a note. My chemist staff know me and the medicine was for reflux medicine for the baby. The note would say on it "Can DS get reflux medicine because I am outside in the car with the newborn and toddler, from my name and number".

I live in a rural area in Ireland , we all know each other so it's just not even an issue

I know which DCs I want to see in my university classroom in the future, that's all I can say!

I think it’s fine. My parents have done this. I personally loved the independence and i remember at 8 years being able to go on my own to buy bread or milk.

However, I appreciate that not all children would be able, or comfortable with this.

You know her best, Op

Wow some of the responses here are a bit . Neglectful??

I don't think there's anything wrong with building a bit of confidence and independence in a controlled environment OP. I have an acquaintance with a 19 year old DD that she's molly-coddled to the point she's still booking Dr's appointments for her and takes her car to put petrol in. God forbid the girl ever leaves home and has to try and fend for herself.

@moresugarpls

I think it’s fine. My parents have done this. I personally loved the independence and i remember at 8 years being able to go on my own to buy bread or milk.

However, I appreciate that not all children would be able, or comfortable with this.

You know her best, Op

Was that back in the days though? If anything happened to OPs child she would be responsible. There’s plenty of time for her to learn independence and she could still let her buy things in the shop whilst been present in the shop with her.

By being outside in my car I am actually closer to her then than we are at a soft play. Who is responsible for her then?

@whenwewereyoung

By being outside in my car I am actually closer to her then than we are at a soft play. Who is responsible for her then?

I’m just giving you my opinion. Sat in your car you probably are close I’m not denying. I am saying I don’t quite understand what you are trying to achieved Im independent and my mother never sent me in a shop alone are you suggesting this is the only thing that can teach you life skills. Also it takes seconds for someone to sexually assault your child. In my line of work..... in soft play it’s mainly kids in the ball pools..... if anything was to kick off parents would gather round pronto!