To send my 6 year old into the shop?

[whenwewereyoung]

My DD is 6 - 7 in October. Quite often I will drive her to the spar and send her in for things while I stay in the car.

I send her in with a little list and also sometimes she has to get electricity on the key which means she has to speak to the person behind the counter.

She enjoys this and feels very grown up and proud of herself doing this, I think it's teaching her a bit of independence and she knows I am just outside if she needs me.

However, my friend has suggested this is too young and is pretty "horrified".

AIBU?

This happened at 4pm by the way, not late at night, and as I'm sure most shop staff will tell you, it's a regular occurrence.

@ChristmasinJune I'm not getting stroppy because people don't agree with me, I appreciate all different opinions whether I agree or not. However, you are like an itch I cannot scratch. Jumping in and answering questions that were not directed to you.

It's a public thread

@ChristmasinJune but you never answered my question put to you?

In normal times yes but with covid and masks , social distancing in place not sure its right time for a 6 year old to be going in

[quote whenwewereyoung]**@ChristmasinJune my daughter knows how to do a simple transaction in a shop, she has seen me do it thousands of times, no need for me to be there to supervise and the shop keepers do not have to do anything other than serve her, fill up the elec key and fill up her slushie which they would be doing regardless of who is there.

She is also told that if they don't have the item or she can't find it to just leave it, I wouldn't want her to get stressed out.

I'm unsure of what you suggest I do in order to teach her the skills? How can I make her independent without allowing her to be independent? Have I to stand and say to her "okay DD now tap the card on the card machine"? Why would I do that when she knows perfectly well how to do it as she has seen me do the same thousands of times. Are you suggesting that I teach her what bread is? Or what butter is? Done ✅

What is it you suggest I do please @ChristmasinJune ?[/quote]
Oh ok, hadn't seen it that's why

What else would you teach her? Well for me it's not just about getting the shopping and leaving.
There's following all the current rules for a start, masks, hand gel, distancing, one way systems.
Then there's manners, saying please and thank you, waiting your turn, not snatching etc.
Then there's handling difficult situations Eg a scary aggressive customer in the shop, a shop assistant who refuses to serve a six year old, an adult who stands too close and makes her uncomfortable for example.

She might be able to physically go in, get bread, pay and leave but at six I just feel like she needs you at a distance to guide her through the social side of the process.

As a retail employee it always makes me uncomfortable to see such small children torally unaccompanied. It's one thing to come into the store and let them take the lead with a transaction or hang back and let them shop "independently" for their own things (sweets, magazine etc) where you can see them the entire time and can step in if there is an issue but I would never have let my DD in a shop alone by herself at such a young age.

You might be just outside but the staff dont know that - for all they know you have sent your DD by herself or may not even know where she is - and you are putting the store staff in the position of having to supervise her and be responsible if anything happens.

Is your DD prepared for every eventuality? What if the card declines? Does she know the PIN? Does she know how much money is available and how to calculate her total? Does she have a way to contact you if something happens and she can't get to you? What if there are rude/shouty/angry customers that unsettle or harass her? What if people keep cutting her off in queues because they assume she is with someone else Etc etc

All of these things and more are things I have personally seen happen.

We have a 10yr old whose single mum sends him in with a list to do small top up shops with her card. They literally live round the corner from our store and hes the oldest, so if she is busy with the babies then he will help with shopping. We all got used to seeing him but he was very competent and confident so we would just keep an eye on him and let him get on with it. Everything went fine till the day that he tapped the card, it made the beep that means "please confirm your pin" and he didnt realise he hadn't paid. He heard a beep, assumed it had processed as always and started to try and leave with his shopping. A colleague then had to stop him and explain he hadn't paid so he couldn't take the shopping yet, he got upset because he thought he was in trouble for stealing. We then had to calm him down, tell him he wasnt in trouble but that he hadn't paid and he just had to put the card in the reader and put the number in. He then got upset again because he didnt know the number so we had to talk him through that he needed to go home and get the PIN and then come back and we would sort everything out. It worked out in the end but he was totally unprepared for there to be an issue with his transaction and therefore panicked because he didnt know what to do a d because he was unaccompanied it became the staff's responsibility to deal with it.

If we all lived life by what ifs you’d never leave your house,live in perpetual fear
Regard the PIN issue, ideally he should have had a phone to call mum
Smashing that staff assisted, and next time he should call mum

It's not about the child being competent to deal with it if everything goes right.

It's a member of staff having to keep an eye because they have no way to know if the child is okay or lost, or if like most 6 yr olds they can be a little clumsy with a basket and might be passing the wine shelf and need an adult to remind them to look. It's if something unexpected happens expecting a 6 yr old to deal sensibly on their own - and even if they are able to do that, the adults in the shop can't assume they can. And even the most sensible 6 yr old occasionally does completely off the wall unexpected how can you be so daft things.

Your child is very little still. I know they seem very grown up and independent. It's just a few more years of hovering just inside the door, if only to reassure the staff. Hovering just inside doesn't make them any less independent, it just means you're there to scoop them up quickly if something goes wrong, and the staff can see that they are supervised.

I would not be OK with a child using a card and pin machine. That had not occurred to me. I thought you weren’t meant to hand over your card, and certainly not the Pin, to anybody. I assumed the child was handing over cash.

@SentientAndCognisant the point was that you cant prepare for every "what if" but of you are going to sent your child unaccompanied into a situation then you should have put something in place for if it doesn't run 100% smoothly 100% of the time and they should be prepared for the most common issues (card declining/needing a PIN etc) before letting them go unaccompanied.

Ideally he would have had a phone, but he didnt and because he didnt have a way to contact his mum to get the PIN, nor was he in any way prepared for the transaction to have any issue it required staff to step in and take responsibility.

We shouldnt be put in that position in the first place, so as a bare minimum a child should be taught what to do if the transaction goes wrong, even if that's just "tell the shop assistant that their mum is outside and they will go and get her"

I partially agree, the mum should have preempted this or been available to him by phone
I don’t think it means in itself that he shouldn’t continue to shop alone

I assumed the child was handing over cash.

Cash is worse, because there are more issues than just not knowing the PIN if contactless doesnt work. What if they lose it? What if they have added up wrong and dont have the right money? What if they dont know the value of the money they have vs what they have bought? What if they have picked up X brand instead of Y brand and it is £1 more expensive and they only have the money to cover the cost of X? How do you explain that they dont have enough money and so they have to either give you more money or put items back?

All of those are issues again I have experienced as a retail employee.

I can see the possible issues with cash but it is legal tender. Handing over a card and PIN number will invalidate all sets of agreements the card holder has with the bank.

So mum should get a GoHenry type card and top it up. That way it’s the boy card, her funds

Sentient I dont disagree that he should (and does) continue to shop alone, but now he does so in the knowledge that he now knows the PIN to his mums card and he knows what to do if there is a problem.

These are things that he should have known before he shopped alone, and should have been taught by his mother, not by shop staff. Anyone shopping independently should have enough life skills to be able to deal with any issues that come up (even if that consists of "let me call my parents to ask them what to do "), and most 6yr olds dont have the maturity to do that.

Yes, as I said I agree with you.Mum should have preempted this and discussed the what ifs

I grew up on a poor council estate and worked in a chemist that was attached to a spar. If a six year old cane in the shop with a lost we absolutely would have thought that something was going wrong at home. Maybe MN don’t know what it’s like on the other side of the tracks.

Also we had lots of dickheads in the shop I wouldn’t want my 7 year old to be around that

@Ohfredcomeon actually it never occurred to me that the shop staff would have thought that, but they probably were thinking that about me and they would have been right

I think that is a valid argument. Much depends on the locality, the type of shop and customers.

@Ohfredcomeon

I grew up on a poor council estate and worked in a chemist that was attached to a spar. If a six year old cane in the shop with a lost we absolutely would have thought that something was going wrong at home. Maybe MN don’t know what it’s like on the other side of the tracks.

Also we had lots of dickheads in the shop I wouldn’t want my 7 year old to be around that

It’s true especially the last part. Anything could happen in the shop. Mean while OP is just sat in the car waiting for her child to come back...

I was that kid with the list,and I can reassure you everything at home was ok

@Ohfredcomeon

I grew up on a poor council estate and worked in a chemist that was attached to a spar. If a six year old cane in the shop with a lost we absolutely would have thought that something was going wrong at home. Maybe MN don’t know what it’s like on the other side of the tracks.

Also we had lots of dickheads in the shop I wouldn’t want my 7 year old to be around that

Even if Mum was visible outside?

tbh it comes across as a bit lazy. If I saw your child, I would be wondering where their parent was. I am all for life skills but these things can be achieved with you beside her.

When I was around 10/ 11, I was in a shop by myself. I was groped by an older man. I was shocked and didn't know what to do, as it happened so quickly. I just got what I needed from the shop and left. I never even mentioned it to my parents. So I think your child is too young to be alone, because there are weridos everywhere!!