To send my 6 year old into the shop?

[whenwewereyoung]

My DD is 6 - 7 in October. Quite often I will drive her to the spar and send her in for things while I stay in the car.

I send her in with a little list and also sometimes she has to get electricity on the key which means she has to speak to the person behind the counter.

She enjoys this and feels very grown up and proud of herself doing this, I think it's teaching her a bit of independence and she knows I am just outside if she needs me.

However, my friend has suggested this is too young and is pretty "horrified".

AIBU?

I wouldn't send a 6 year old to get leccy or because it does me a favour but I would let them 'pay' with me stood next to them or go in for something like a treat for themselves quickly.

As some have suggested already this ready depends a lot on the (1) circumstances, (2) socio economic environment (ie whether it is say a safe leafy quiet village where after repeat visits you and child are known and on friendly terms or a inner city rough crime ridden metropolitan setting) and (3) your six/seven year old’s confidence and how advance he/she is for her age.

Sounds like given the little description you provided - it would appear fine as this is repeated and carried out successfully without any issues and you are nearby ready in case of issues.

I used to go out to buy toys at probably that age from the corner shop but that was olde times when we did not have these hideous child related criminality etc and people had a bit more general politeness and mutual respect. Those were the days - playing outdoors going to parks with other fiends and no adult required! How times have changed! The safety landscape is unrecognisable these days but that said I still have good faith in people to allow children to be children and not unnecessarily cocooned in an adult supervised 24/7 environment. Children ideally should be allowed independence to explore, carry out and test their initiatives dealing with others including adults or than parents and teachers. But I am mindful that is wishful thinking given general crime rates and of course Covid these days.

Well done six year old but be careful!

It's fine. I used to do it when I was her age.

My mum would wait outside and I'd go in the corner shop and get a few things, pay and come back out. It was nothing to do with laziness on her part, just letting me get some independence and I always used to be allowed to pick a treat for myself too

I think it’s great, and would be considered perfectly normal where we live. We’re also about a ten minute walk from a local supermarket, and since about age 8/9 ds has been able to walk down and pick something up. I think it’s a vital life skill.

Normally I think this would be fine. But with current social distancing etc I wouldn't do it. It can be hard enough as an adult to avoid people in shops who don't seem to understand there's a pandemic going on. I wouldn't put that responsibility onto a child. I'm also surprised the shop allows her to use your card. That would be refused in my local shop.
Like I said though, normally I think a six year old shopping for a few bits (using cash), while you wait outside is fine if she's happy with that.

Your friend needs to mind their business OP. You are teaching your child life skills and independence. You are sitting outside the entrance in a car so being watchful and keeping your child safe. Well done! I think more parents need to do this. Your child will thank you when older.

@vanillandhoney

It's fine. I used to do it when I was her age.

My mum would wait outside and I'd go in the corner shop and get a few things, pay and come back out. It was nothing to do with laziness on her part, just letting me get some independence and I always used to be allowed to pick a treat for myself too

Exactly. If anything it's the opposite of lazy as it'd be much quicker to just nip in yourself and shoot off home, rather than have to hang around longer waiting for a child who's slower at it because they're learning.

It’s absolutely fine, we started doing similar when the dc were @ 5/6. I think it’s really good for their confidence to allow them do things for themselves and it’s quite different to sending them off to do the weekly shop! Children who aren’t allowed some age appropriate independence don’t wake up at 12 suddenly able and confident about interacting with shop assistants, bus drivers, waiting staff and so on.

The accusations of laziness are laughable - the truth is it’s often quicker and easier for the parent to do these things themselves which is why a lot of parents in my experience don’t make the time to teach their dc life skills.

It is useful for children to practise talking to adults in a safe situation like this. It makes it more likely they’ll be able to clearly articulate themselves in an emergency. I have always let my children practise asking for things politely in shops and restaurants ~ it has meant that on a couple of rare occasions when they’ve had to get help in an emergency they’re not afraid to talk to an unknown adult.

Thank you to all the posters that have contributed, both agreeing and disagreeing with me. I find it very interesting how there are such differing opinions, such is life.

I won't be changing what we do, I will still allow DD in the shop alone and using my card to pay as she really does enjoy it and as others have said, I believe it is teaching her a valuable life skill.

I have also decided to start to encourage her to order for herself in restaurants as I hadn't given that much thought and just naturally order for us both, so thanks to the posters of mumsnet for bringing that to my attention

I'm not sure of the legalities of allowing her to use my contactless to pay but it's much safer than cash at the moment, that is for sure.

Sorry, no.
You're making the other people in the shop responsible for your child. You're asking them to either say no to an unaccompanied 6 yr old or do something illegal and accept a payment from someone who obviously doesn't own the card.
It's not fair. Leave it till an age where you'd leave her home alone. If she isn't old enough to be left unsupervised, you're effectively foisting her on passers by.

Maybe not just yet but I think learning to use cash is a much more important lesson than learning how to tap a card.

I live in a village with greengrocers/butchers/bakers etc Lovely but shops are small so when ds2 was tiny and in the buggy ds1 would often go in alone as too awkward with buggy. He was 4ish when started, in sight and known to shop keepers. If the shop keeper didn't have what I wanted they'd nip to the door and ask me. buggy
It was that it leave them outside, which I did do occasionally if needed to look myself. They were never more than about a metre and a half away anyway so within sight and sound (shops are small!)
Definitely area dependent.

Ignore your batshit 'friend'. (And some of the daft posters here - saying you're lazy is such a cop out)

If you can genuinely trust her to not touch things she's not buying or sneeze/cough without covering her nose/mouth etc then crack on! I wouldn't risk her upsetting anyone in the shop as lots of people in small shops (avoiding large ones) could be quite vulnerable & scared.

I'm all for dc being sent to the counter, asking for things, getting things from the shelves etc.... all great life skills and good for giving confidence.

However, I'm at a loss to understand why you would sit in the car whilst she does that.... I mean I'm pretty lazy and even I wouldn't go that far

Get out of the car, supervise her, help her solve and problems that occur. Otherwise as pp said, you're expecting the shop staff to supervise her and that's really not fair!

I think it’s a ridiculous thing to ask a child of that age to do and Screams laziness on your part quite frankly

My 8 almost 9 year old hasn’t even been in a shop since March let alone sent in with a list

I don’t know anyone who would do it

I agree with @ChristmasinJune , its just so odd that you drive to a shop to then send a 6yo in

I think it's good. We were discouraged from answering or using the phone as children and I have phone phobia now. I find some calls really difficult to make. I'm sure if I'd been loved to get used to the phone from a much younger age, I'd have felt more confident as an adult.

*allowed not loved

Ignoring covid issues, I think that's sensible. I don't think it's too young; I'm sure I wasn't much older when I was regularly despatched to the corner shop to get chocolate!

I'd say make sure you know the shop though. Especially be aware if there's another exit.

Get out of the car, supervise her, help her solve and problems that occur

Well first of all “supervising” her defeats the purpose of what OP is trying to achieve ie allowing a tiny amount of independence in a safe environment while knowing mum is right outside. Secondly, what “problem” is she going to need to solve buying a loaf of bread, an ice cream and asking for £10 to be put on the meter card ? What’s the worst that can happen? Bearing in mind her mum is right outside??

Some MNers really live in constant fear of ordinary, daily interactions and see danger lurking everywhere .

We've being doing it since my dc was even younger, but me behind him.I wouldn't send my dc into a shop alone, at 6.

This is good and teaches independence. It isn't too young, at the same age I regularly went down to the village shop from home, with a list and money from my mother.

A child that grows up with independence is more likely to know what to do if there is a crisis/fire/robbery or whatever because they are used to thinking for themselves....and obviously, a parent would also go over such scenarios in an age-appropriate way.

I sent my 7 year old round the marina to the local shop to buy a cucumber and some mayonnaise. He was fine and very proud of himself. An acquaintance saw him and tried to bring him home though. It all depends on the child, the distance, the shop and parental judgement.

Last night my younger son, now 7, left the restaurant in the hotel village, went to the show arena, found us a table and watched the show until we arrived. He did turn down a diet coke front he waiter though, as he wasn’t sure if he’s allowed one that late.

They are learning skills, independence and self esteem. As parents we are allowing them to extend their boundaries and their responsibilities at an age and in environments we judge to be ok. That will be different for everyone.

So for all the 'lazy' posters...

Teaching your kids to iron = Lazy parent?

Teaching your kids to work a washing machine = Lazy?

Teaching your kids to make their own packed lunch = Lazy?

Teaching your kids to polish/hoover = Lazy?

No wonder so many kids have no clue when they get older, if life skills has been renamed lazy parenting.

"Oh give it here, I'll do it" is a lot lazier than taking the time to teach your children to do these things.