To send my 6 year old into the shop?

[whenwewereyoung]

My DD is 6 - 7 in October. Quite often I will drive her to the spar and send her in for things while I stay in the car.

I send her in with a little list and also sometimes she has to get electricity on the key which means she has to speak to the person behind the counter.

She enjoys this and feels very grown up and proud of herself doing this, I think it's teaching her a bit of independence and she knows I am just outside if she needs me.

However, my friend has suggested this is too young and is pretty "horrified".

AIBU?

Sensible and teaches independence and is great for their self esteem
Your outside,it’s fine
Children need to have age appropriate independence and learn skills
My dc go in shop, I’m out side they chose an item,and pay

Yes, life skills are so important. My ds was allowed to walk to the local shop unaccompanied at 7. It was about a minutes walk away, no roads to cross. Walked to school at nearly 11. From 12/13 he could get a train into our local city 15 minutes away, buy items related to his hobby and travel home again. Now at 15, he's very independent. Teaching life skills is vital and it builds confidence and trust in kids. Because we helped our son develop his independence skills gradually he is really responsible and reliable on times to be home etc. How can you release a pre teen/teen into the world with no skills required for the outside world? Op, I think you're doing a good thing for your dd. She's also learning that you have to pay for things like electricity which is a good life lesson. A lot of kids just take light and heating for granted. A pp said she may look like a young carer - ffs! She's popping into a local cornershop not doing the weekly shop at Sainsbury's!! I actually think it takes more effort for op to let dd go into the shop alone. She has to teach her what to do, give her the list, key and money. It's a valuable learning experience. Above all, op doesn't force her child to do this. Her dd enjoys it and sometimes does it, not all the time.

You're making the other people in the shop responsible for your child

Isn't looking out for one another what society is all about ?

My kids are 3 and 4 I let them take what they want to buy to the counter and practise saying thankyou and have a nice day. At 8 or 9 I think I would allow them to do the same as your dd but I think 6-7 is too young and it is too much responsibility for them. Fostering independence in kids is good but this sounds more for your benefit than hers.

My mum works in a supermarket and sometimes quite young children will come in without a parent to buy things. Staff are often in high alert and basically keeping an eye on the child when a parent should be doing so instead of standing outside the shop or sitting in the car. Quite frankly this isn't part of their job.

Pandemics aside, its a good thing to do, builds their confidence and their maths skills.

Oh and I still remember how proud I felt the first time my mum sent me to the corner shop - children love to feel independent and that they're doing a important job.

WorraLiberty has it spot on. Lazy parenting?? Surely it's involved parenting!

My DC knew how to make their own breakfast or small lunch from 4/5. By 10 they all knew their way around the kitchen and how to use the washer. My now 10yo has all kinds of skills under her belt, my young adult DC moved into their own homes just before lockdown and are handling everything fine because they had these kinds of skills taught to them - including how to budget for bills and food shopping. The results speak for themselves.

Sceptre86 .........

I think 6-7 is too young and it is too much responsibility for them. Fostering independence in kids is good but this sounds more for your benefit than hers.

And yet the OP has clearly said ........

She enjoys this and feels very grown up and proud of herself doing this, I think it's teaching her a bit of independence and she knows I am just outside if she needs me.

How is it more for the OP's benefit?

I think for each DC it can be a different age that their parent knows they are ready for this. You know your DD and that she is mature enough. My DS started going to the shop up the road on his own at 8. My DD is 8 but I don't tkink she is ready yet but she has been with her brother.

@whenwewereyoung

My friend has said she is far too young and what if there was a fire, a robbery etc 🙄 very dramatic

it's a wonder your friend isn't shaking and crying with horror on your parenting decisions, as for fires and robberies while your dd is in there . sounds like your friend needs a to have a word with herself that dc do not need to be wrapped in so much cotton wall and it is good for them to learn things for themselves [with guidance] from a young age. good for your dd !

One of 7yos asked to walk past the bakery so we could get her favourite pastries. When we got there, I realised I only had a child's mask in my bag (hadn't intended to buy anything), so she got the job of going in and buying her treat.
I could see her the whole time and she was delighted with herself at having achieved such grown-upness.
Was that horrifying, do we think?

It’s a trip to shop not a dereliction of duty .The shop aren’t responsible for the child welfare/safety
Shop is responsible for assisting with queries, help get an item, serve the child
That’s all

*wool

@WorraLiberty

So for all the 'lazy' posters...

Teaching your kids to iron = Lazy parent?

Teaching your kids to work a washing machine = Lazy?

Teaching your kids to make their own packed lunch = Lazy?

Teaching your kids to polish/hoover = Lazy?

No wonder so many kids have no clue when they get older, if life skills has been renamed lazy parenting.

"Oh give it here, I'll do it" is a lot lazier than taking the time to teach your children to do these things.

Indeed Worra and it’s no exaggeration to say that I’ve seen every one of those examples decried as parental laziness on MN over the years, whether applied to a 6 or a 16 year old!

I wonder sometimes whether there’s a connection between this type of upbringing and the I can’t cope with a shop assistant making polite conversation or an old person patted my toddler on the head and various other ordinary human interactions some posters struggle so much to cope with.

I used to be friendly with another school mum who never ever made her daughter go pay for things or take any steps towards being independent. Things like letting her go up to the counter in a play centre to buy her own drink etc. This was in years 4-6 too so not super young.

By year 8 her daughter couldn’t handle school or any situation where she wasn’t molly coddled. It was a true shame but she raised her to be incapable.

Your 6 year old sounds as if she’s learning good skills.

And as for lazy parenting - it's more lazy not to teach them these skills. My eldest (13) does his own laundrey and makes dinner a couple of times a week. He can sort the dishwasher, cook breakfast, clean the bathroom etc. My youngest (8) can make herself breakfast/lunch, empties the dishwasher, can tidy and clean. We run the house as a team.

I think writing off a year 8 child as incapable and not able to cope in any situation is the true shame, @RonnieBob

Taking aside her going in the shop on her own, that is entirely your call as her parent none of us know the shop your area or your child so can't judge.
But what I would say is what if a error occurs with the payment that you discover down the line, you will have no coverage with your bank as a complaint starting "my 6 year old used the card in a shop and I wasn't with her" is not going to achieve very good results and bear in mind the call centres also keep notes on calls, it may well be bought up in any future fraud claims if you are unlucky enough to get targeted.
So by all means encourage her to do the little bit of shopping but I personally would accompany and supervise payment

That Huge extrapolation to make, escalated calls to bank,fraud all arising from child making a small transaction

what about the 5 year olds in germany and switzerland etc who walk to school and back without helicopters, unadulterated..
just like i did. in london burbs. it was the norm.
what good does it really do to treat children as if they are all helpless, disabled, needing a constant carer to direct the simplest action.
or does it make a role for the oh so important parent.
in whose interests, really, is all this over-protectiveness/ enforced passivity. look at the lack of common sense in so many young people.

And as for lazy parenting - it's more lazy not to teach them these skills

I agree with this completely, however op isn't actually teaching the skills, she sitting in the car whilst the shop staff do it for her.

There is a book on raising children to be successful adults (I haven’t read it) but I read an article by the author who gave doing this sort of thing as an example of fostering early self confidence.

She has three daughters, two are CEOs at major companies and one is an academic.

In the 80's I'd regularly get sent to the shop along the road to get bread, milk or a sweetie if I was good. I must've started this about 6 or 7.

My dc has been helping me cook since about 3, and folded laundry without me asking by 5. Now at 12, he hoovers his own room, can cook meal for us if he feels like it, and do laundry sometimes himself. But first time I sent to the shop on his own was about 9/10. Not because of the danger for him, but because I couldn't be 100% sure if he won't be a nuisance, like by knocking something over the shelf or bumping into elderly people for not paying attention to the environment. Though we don't have a small corner shop nearby to get just milk etc. If there was, I might have sent him earlier.

She's learning an essential life skill. I had to start sending my DS into the chemist & shop when he was 5 and my youngest was a newborn (asleep in the car) I'd give him a note for the chemist and he'd get the bits. Small village, I'd be parked outside the door. He loved it, and would go to the shop next door to buy a treat for him and his brother.

My friend is a counselor and works with teenagers who suffer with anxiety, she's always saying how important this kind of things is.