To send my 6 year old into the shop?

[whenwewereyoung]

My DD is 6 - 7 in October. Quite often I will drive her to the spar and send her in for things while I stay in the car.

I send her in with a little list and also sometimes she has to get electricity on the key which means she has to speak to the person behind the counter.

She enjoys this and feels very grown up and proud of herself doing this, I think it's teaching her a bit of independence and she knows I am just outside if she needs me.

However, my friend has suggested this is too young and is pretty "horrified".

AIBU?

Sounds like an excuse for lazy parenting to be honest. Is there any other actual need for her to go in alone now, rather than laziness of the parent? Are you not able to teach independence when she's say, 8? Why the rush?

I have a just six year old and she is nowhere near mature enough to do this. Generally I think it's a great thing to do but at the moment with social distancing, masks and people on edge I wouldn't

It's fine under normal circumstances. I wouldn't do it at the moment because of coronavirus and social distancing, but under normal circumstances I would, and have done the same. I think it's good for kids to build their skills and independence.

Can't you wait until the pandemic is over? Christ sake.

I bet when she was a toddler you were holding everybody up in the self service queue letting her scan your shopping, weren't you

In usual times, it's fine although I think it's a bit lazy if it happens every time you go to the shops. However, in the middle of a pandemic, I wouldn't do it. It's not fair on other people in the shop who have to wonder if the 6-yr-old will social distance or touch everything. It's also not fair on your DD because she may not notice other people breaching social distancing, coughing on her, etc.

@PineappleUpsideDownCake I think my DD is genuinely pretty mature for her age then.

@ineedaholidaynow she pays using contactless on my card

@KorkMum

6 year old sent to do the shopping on their own I'd probably report this to social services if I'm honest.

Hahaha

Your friend is being silly. My DS used to love doing things like going to the shop or to the post box at the corner of the street (he thought he went by himself, but I used to follow at a distance to keep an eye on him!😆) at 5 and 6.

When my older DC were 5/6 I'd give them a few items off the main shopping list on a small list just for them. Then when we got to the little Co-Op they had their own basket and list and off they went with me following on at a distance so I could keep them in sight. My DS also thought he was a dinosaur but he knew that wasn't appropriate behaviour in the supermarket as he had a 'very important job to do'. DD1 and DS are early 20s now and are navigating life with a whole set of skills they learned as kids. I also made sure they could both cook from a young age.

My youngest is 10 now, and I did the same with her from that age. Now she'll happily order food, choose the right loaf, use a contactless card.. etc. Very confident, no issue speaking to cashiers, and she's learning skills she'll need all her life.

Carry on OP, even during a pandemic this isn't unreasonable. What would be unreasonable is if your friend or anyone on this thread managed to make you doubt this perfectly reasonable bit of independent learning you've allowed your DD. She knows you trust her, and that is huge for most kids.

I think in a middle of a pandemic now is not the time to do this, and technically you shouldn’t let anyone else use your card.

However, if it is categorically confirmed that under 10s can’t transmit the virus this may be the way forward!

A little bit of independence is good. It sounds like you have a safe shop to do this. Ours would happily go and pay our bill in a cafe for example. But they couldn't do their shopping alone. But I'd happily give them their pocket money and they could chose a book in The Works (with my help for high shelves). When we lived in Germany it was common for a shopper or assistant to ask a child to fetch something if someone had forgotten something in a relatively small supermarket.

My eldest won't talk to people which can make things difficult, but people are very understanding (she had selective mutism when younger and sometimes remnants show through)

I’ve been doing this since about 6/7 too. For me, it’s so so important to teach my kids independence like this. Even as a young teen I wouldn’t say boo to a goose, wouldn’t ask where something was in a shop or order my own food from the waitress because I was just so painfully shy but already my kids can do these things that I couldn’t.

I’d only let them go in for 2/3 things, not a full weeks shop or anything and only cash payment not card. They love it.

Yes, I've stood in the doorway of our village shop and let my four year old do the shopping before. She always loved the independence of it. Although there was the time she wanted to go by herself to choose her Daddy's birthday present. I spotted her in the queue clutching a bottle of beer! It was cute seeing her plonk it on the counter and push her money towards the cashier. She wasn't even asked for ID! (But that might be because the cashier knew her from preschool and had seen me watching!)

I think that's too young.

Kids can learn by helping even if you're in the shop with them. It doesn't have to be all or nothing

Exactly. She’s done it before so doesn’t need to do it again.

I usually find when it’s claimed a task is being given to “learn independence” it usually means I can get someone else to do it for me.

6 year old sent to do the shopping on their own I'd probably report this to social services if I'm honest.

For what? Doing the shopping on their own? Or doing it in the midst of a pandemic. Because whilst the second scenario might well be a problem, the first one certainly isn't. Not all 6 year olds are the same, and some are more capable earlier than others. Under normal circumstances social services would not be interested unless it was part of a much bigger picture.

To add I’ve not being letting them in the shop alone during the pandemic. The opposite actually, they wait outside together for me.

I think she is too young for a variety of reasons . However I can't stand the parents who allow their kids to waste time at tills while they patiently coach their children in "life skills" at such young ages .

My daughter ASKS to go in to the shop for me, some days I say yes you can, other days I say no I'm going to come in as well. It completely depends. But it is not a case of being too lazy and making her do things I don't want to do and she always gets a slushie or sweetie out of it Tbh I'm very proud of her. She is a very sensible and confident 6 year old.

I’d encourage her to do it while I am watching her at a distance.
However now is not the time, mask or no mask. Btw, a Mask is not an immunity shield.

I think some of the more harsh YABU posts on here are missing the point that you are outside the Spar.

I think at 6 this is fine as long are you are outside.

My just turned 7 year old would be absolutely sensible and capable enough to do this. I think it’s vital we teach children independence skills, we seem to have a generation of utterly helpless teenagers who cannot do anything for themselves and are completely unprepared for adult life and I don’t see that as good parenting.

@whenwewereyoung

My daughter ASKS to go in to the shop for me, some days I say yes you can, other days I say no I'm going to come in as well. It completely depends. But it is not a case of being too lazy and making her do things I don't want to do and she always gets a slushie or sweetie out of it Tbh I'm very proud of her. She is a very sensible and confident 6 year old.

Of course it's nothing to do with being 'lazy'.

To be honest, a lot of parents can feel a bit uncomfortable if their child isn't at the same level of maturity as some other kids at certain ages.

They should never feel uncomfortable, as kids all mature differently.

But I found over the years (and my 'kids' are now 28, 21 and 17), that a lot of parents would call "Lazy" at other parents if their kids were mature enough to start learning tasks like ironing, laundry, cooking, making their own packed lunch.

It says far more about those parents than the parents of the slightly more mature for their age kids.

Whenwewereyoung - ignore the haters

A saying comes to mind - “don’t make your children handicapped by doing everything for them”

You’re not doing anything wrong, people on here acting like you sit at home with your feet up while your 6yo drags shopping around

I used to do this at her age, at a local shop ( where basically most people knew you/ your parents) used to walk there.
Are you hoovering outside in the car because you can't park properly or are you parked and able to get out quickly?
Im torn because I did this at her age but my dc didnt ( but we live rurally) i think it depends how small and local the shop is and if she is going to buy one or two things mainly for herself or if you are sending her in with a bigger list for yourself whilst double parked!
It is good to encourage some independence , we do overprotect dc now and its not always to their benefit.