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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be in a bad mood because of food?!

187 replies

MoiraRoseIsMyQueen · 01/08/2020 10:11

So, staying with the in-laws (a bit of a trial in itself), and I’m feeling really grumpy this morning (although smiling and being happy outwardly). I always feel this way when I’m here, and having thought about it a lot, I think it’s to do with not being able to eat what and when I want. Which I know sounds ridiculous, but I really struggle with having to eat the food I’m given by MIL - which is okay, not always delicious, and not what I’d choose to eat, but fine - and not being able to control what I’m eating. I’m finding myself getting anxious already about lunch and dinner, what we’ll eat, what it will be, etched Confused I don’t have food issues otherwise, so AIBU to let this get to me?!

OP posts:
adriennewillfly · 01/08/2020 10:12

DH feels exactly like this when he stays with my parents. No real solution, just that you aren't alone.

Bluegeode · 01/08/2020 10:13

I get the same tbh!

Original poster
MoiraRoseIsMyQueen · 01/08/2020 10:16

Oh I’m really glad (selfishly) that it’s not just me! I’ve literally only just realised what it is that’s making me grumpy, it’s this constant creeping anxiety about the next meal. What to do about it though?!

OP posts:
Lyricallie · 01/08/2020 10:17

I feel the same when I visit the in laws. It stresses me out. I think they think I have an eating disorder (I don't) because I always refuse some of their food as they are constantly eating. Like we will have lunch and they will have dessert and then maybe an hour later it's tea and biscuits and so on.

I think it's also just different types of family. In my house we were quite independent we had different working shifts, my mum would ask if I wanted xyz that she was cooking. If I wasn't in I would make something else. Or I would cook for my family.

However in MiL house she is the cook. Noone is allowed in her kitchen and she will never say what we are having in advance and it drives me mad as it's always heavy heavy food.

I'm usually fairly polite, except one time she was adamant I had to finish whatever it was and was like it'll be wasted if you don't eat it. I was like no I'm fine very polite, she asked me 4 time until I eventually had to just go "No. Thank you." Quite sternly.

Reader1984 · 01/08/2020 10:19

Yes I get this. Also not knowing what time we are eating. Or being served a huge portion. Or being served something you really don't like but you have to be polite and eat it anyway.

NurseButtercup · 01/08/2020 10:21

Life is too short to be unhappy about food choices. Can you go and buy the food that you want to eat?

Original poster
MoiraRoseIsMyQueen · 01/08/2020 10:21

@Lyricallie god that sounds so stressful. Well done for being stern though, I’m not quite brave enough for that!

I think it’s having to eat what I don’t really want that’s stressing me out - last night’s dinner was fine, but it didn’t make me think mmm just what I fancy! And having to sit and eat it makes me feel a bit like I could boak. But there’s no alternative, and then when I am hungry, there’s nothing to eat!

OP posts:
Hotwaterbottlelove · 01/08/2020 10:21

My sister experiences this at her in laws. She takes a bag of snacks with her. Nuts and fruit etc. So that she has some feeling of control. Often she doesn't end up needing the snacks, it's just the having them there that helps. Because it isn't that the in-laws don't give enough, it's just that she never knows what or when it will be.

Bluegeode · 01/08/2020 10:22

I think it’s maybe to do with having something quite fundamental in your daily life being controlled by someone else? Anything like that makes me feel a bit anxious. For example
I really hate going somewhere in someone else’s car if it’s a way away, I feel really trapped! Which is a bit irrational perhaps but I always prefer to drive myself.

Original poster
MoiraRoseIsMyQueen · 01/08/2020 10:22

@Reader1984 oh yes, all of that!

OP posts:
Original poster
MoiraRoseIsMyQueen · 01/08/2020 10:23

Honestly - and I know this is ridiculous - but I’m sitting here feeling quite emotional! Knowing it’s not just me, and that is an actual thing that’s making me anxious, and I’m not just being weird or unreasonable, is such a relief. Thanks lovely women.

OP posts:
OhioOhioOhio · 01/08/2020 10:24

Omg yes about the trapped car and the food. Omg. Totally.

BobbieDraper · 01/08/2020 10:24

These people are your family. Cant you just ask what's for dinner, or suggest something?

It really seems like no one on mumsnet ever actually talks to their in-laws. You have a voice. Use it.

Clevererthanyou · 01/08/2020 10:24

First rule of going to any house that isn’t yours: take.food. Is there not a shop you can nip to op? Stuff yourself with junk/whatever in your room and then declare bellyache or stomach bug for the duration of your stay.

Original poster
MoiraRoseIsMyQueen · 01/08/2020 10:24

@Bluegeode definitely a control thing. I’m pretty much 100% in control of food at home as well - menu planning, shopping, and cooking - so to not be able to do any of that is quite stressing!

OP posts:
Original poster
MoiraRoseIsMyQueen · 01/08/2020 10:25

@Clevererthanyou please can you come with me next time Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
MoiraRoseIsMyQueen · 01/08/2020 10:26

@BobbieDraper we just don’t have that kind of relationship. We’re not massively close, and don’t see each other that often, so by the time we arrive the shopping has been done and meals all planned.

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blubberball · 01/08/2020 10:26

I have felt this feeling. I would have to keep visits short and sweet. I have had this visiting relatives. I am so happy in my house with my food.

Emotionalfuckwit · 01/08/2020 10:27

Oh god, I'm in exactly the same position right now 😳 I'm buying and eating loads of snacks in our room to compensate because the food is so bland and uninteresting

vikingwife · 01/08/2020 10:30

It’s not just that you have to eat food you know you likely won’t enjoy, it’s having to pretend you love it too.

I would bring along some snacks in my bag to nibble on, eat in the bathroom if you have to in secret.

mylittlesandwich · 01/08/2020 10:30

I have a friend that eats at weird times and in laws that don't eat much. I take snacks.

Original poster
MoiraRoseIsMyQueen · 01/08/2020 10:30

@Emotionalfuckwit let’s sneak out and go and get cake together Grin

OP posts:
lazylinguist · 01/08/2020 10:32

You say you don't have food issues, but isn't it perhaps a bit unusual to 'feel like you could boak' just from being served a meal that's not quite what you fancy? Are you generally a bit of a fussy eater at home or do you eat most things?

rosiethehen · 01/08/2020 10:34

We used to do a small shop when we visited PIL's. Their kitchen was full of out of date tinned fish, post war baked beans, sauce that had been opened six years previously and fluffy, sticky jams etc. The freezer contained unidentifiable containers of goo and ancient ice cream, which was mainly ice crystals.

I used to live on toast - with crumby margarine or rancid butter. It was awful and I used to dread visiting. Once we started buying our own milk, snacks and basics for meals, it was a bit better - and the stomach upsets stopped as a bonus.

I think having a secret stash is the way forward.

Emotionalfuckwit · 01/08/2020 10:35

@MoiraRoseIsMyQueen I'm in Grin meet you by the sea in 20! I wonder if I can buy 10 cakes and keep them hidden with a multi pack of crisps 🤔