To be in a bad mood because of food?!

[MoiraRoseIsMyQueen]

So, staying with the in-laws (a bit of a trial in itself), and I’m feeling really grumpy this morning (although smiling and being happy outwardly). I always feel this way when I’m here, and having thought about it a lot, I think it’s to do with not being able to eat what and when I want. Which I know sounds ridiculous, but I really struggle with having to eat the food I’m given by MIL - which is okay, not always delicious, and not what I’d choose to eat, but fine - and not being able to control what I’m eating. I’m finding myself getting anxious already about lunch and dinner, what we’ll eat, what it will be, etched I don’t have food issues otherwise, so AIBU to let this get to me?!

I take secret snacks on the rare occasions I visit. I just don't like, or want, to eat anything my MIL cooks.

As a MIL I find this sad, when my lot (3 kids and partners and 2 grandchildren) come to stay we discuss beforehand what meals will be including approx times to suit the children. They all know they are welcome to help themselves at any time to fruit, toast, snacks, whatever they want from the fridge. Breakfast encouraged to help themselves to fruit, cereal, toast, yoghurt but there will be some sort of cooked option for those that want it, Bacon sandwiches etc. Hot meals are served in warmed dishes in the middle of the table (usually 3 of us get the food out) but as soon as the first bowls out told to start helping themselves save it going cold. I do not comment or even notice how much people eat. I always cook plenty and any leftovers are fair game for anyone or I freeze if appropriate. One is coeliac, one vegan, I try to cater for both in a way that others can also eat so they don't feel singled out (obv have to make sure no cross contamination with gluten free. My grandma and mum were very similar, I'd hate anyone to feel uncomfortable in my house. Equally I don't find entertaining people stressful, I really enjoy it. Same if we all stay at my daughters we will also discuss meal plans and at Christmas we all contribute dishes.

dotty you sound like a very lovely host. It should be such a pleasurable thing.

What really gets me is when people serve tiny portions to those they deem overweight to "help" them lose weight...It hasn't been done to me but my poor father (who could do with losing a few pounds, to be fair ) was given no breakfast and a tiny bowl of chicken and lentil stew when he and DM visited one of our aunts (who always comments on things like this!). Why would you deliberately make your guests uncomfortable in your house just because you disapprove of their lifestyle choices? It's not as if two days is going to slim them down significantly or change their ways ... It just means they won't come back any time soon !

[quote Hardbackwriter]*They're weird about that too. hmm "Again?!" It's not unusual to poo every day is it? And when there are 5 of you and one loo it can take a while. grin"I don't know how you people ever GO anywhere!. Such a waste of the day." >jangles car keys, taps foot, sighs

@Justjoshin22 it’s not that the food she makes is awful, or even that different to what I cook - much blander, and more ‘traditional’, but it’s generally pretty good food. My anxiety definitely stems from having no control over what I eat and when whilst we’re staying with her, rather than what is actually being served.

@dotty12345 you sound very much like my Mum, but my MIL (and step-MIL) have much more rigid attitudes to foods, and snacks are non-existent!

It wasn't quite a food issue, but I had a badly timed dose of PMT during my last 4 day visit to MiL's and I was frozen to the core as she kept turning the heating off and keeping rooms down to about 16oC plus my body always ends up hurting from the ancient suite and soggy mattress (I have been known to give up and sleep on the floor at warmer times of the year). Anyway, we went out and got some brunch at McDonalds and I was so, so looking forwards to warming myself up with a hot chocolate and horror, of horrors, Irish McDonalds don't do hot chocolate! I was so gutted I actually cried then felt instantly stupid

The trouble is I can't stand tea or coffee and have poor lactose tolerance so a McDonalds hot chocolate is one of the few hot drinks I can actually enjoy, and boy I needed it to warm myself up.

How MiL isn't getting hypothermia I don't know as she's quite elderly and doesn't move much anymore.

@Sexnotgender thank you for feeling my pain about the duck curry!

@HoppingPavlova compared to school camps?!! I’m not a child!

Yes, neither am I. Far from it, tail end of middle age but I still go on certain camps/trips as a supervisor/logistics manager with older teens and young adults. In general it’s much easier to have mass food at prescribed times, it’s not something individuals have control over. It’s never stuff you would choose yourself or look forward to yet everyone sucks it up and copes.

What is baffling is how... passive so many are. Squirrelling away snacks, being starving because 10 hour gaps between meals or feeling like too much food being thrust on them.

Assert yourself. Politely, thoughtfully and articulately!

I posted about a trip to MIL’s where there would be no food between 10am and 11pm.

The reason we went for secret snacks and didn’t ask for more food “politely and assertively” is because there wouldn’t be any and offence would be taken. MIL is on a permanent diet and step FIL is a drinker not an eater! They could both start a fight in an empty room.

DH is as assertive as they come and had learnt from bitter experience what happens if you ask.

Anyway problem solved. They went NC with the whole family so we don’t have to visit any more.

You've made me realise this is an issue I have. I've never been able to put my finger on it though.

MIL lives in India so we normally go once a year for 2 weeks. Whilst it's great not having to cook, it gets really tedious not being able to choose what I can have for any of the meals. Indian breakfasts are quite different to what I'm used to(she tries to stuff me full of rotis and paranthas dripping in butter first thing in the morning), plus at home we wouldn't eat Indian food every night for 2 weeks. While I'm there I start missing my western comfort foods.

I now take stuff to snack on and just keep it in my room (breakfast bars, chocolates, biscuits, crisps etc. Brands I can't get there)

I offer to cook a few times, but kitchen set ups in India are very different (MIL doesn't have an oven just a hob, makes doing a pizza or a pasta bake quite difficult). We end up eating out/ordering in quite a bit as DH also misses the comfort/junk food.

She also eats at odd times, dinner won't be eaten until around 11 most nights so I've started using DS as an excuse to eat when I feel like it. Me and him will generally eat at 7ish.

It's not that I don't like what she makes, it just takes you out of your comfort zone and can make you grumpy. Plus food is linked to the reward zone in your brain, so if you don't get any pleasure from the eating this will leave you moody too.