AIBU or are grandparents being ridiculous?

[Thesaltandthesea]

First world issue. I am very hot and very pregnant and have been feeling very unreasonable all day.

DD8 has a wetsuit she bought with her own pocket money. She keeps it at my mum's house because they’ve taken her sea swimming a few times recently. She wants to go sea swimming tonight with her two best friends (and adults, all competent swimmers). She phoned my mum to check they were in so we could go pick it up along with her bodyboard. My mum was like “yeah that’s fine” and then her husband shouted in the background “no it’s not fine she needs to keep it here”. Cue floods of tears from DD and my mum hanging up and refusing to answer the phone.

1. I’m having to deal with the fallout of an upset DD who has been looking forward to seeing her friends for the first time in months all day
2. I need to explain to DD's friend's mums that her grandparents won't let her have her wetsuit
3. We cannot find anywhere locally with a wetsuit in stock (not that I feel we should be replacing it - no 8 year old needs 2 wetsuits ffs!)
4. I’m convinced my mums husband is very controlling. Not saying my mum is in anyway blameless but this isn’t the first time something like this has happened.

So, am I being unreasonable to be really pissed off about this or are they being hideously unfair?

OP that's a very good message ... clear and concise... 🌺

I do wish people would at least read the OP’s posts

Ha, the irony! Cross posted and my iPad hadn’t refreshed the page, sorry! 🤗

Really good message, OP. I hope things improve for you all soon

That’s a great message and lovingly written.
Good luck OP!

Very good message OP. Will be so interesting to see if she feels able to respond with any understanding/insight into what's going on.

Protecting your children from her husband is part of your job OP. You are doing the right thing.

Wtf. I would go around and knock until they answered. That is your daughters property, not theirs.

Also do they realise it's not you they're hurting? It's your daughter and if they're obviously okay in doing so then they don't need to have a relationship with her. I can't believe this..

That is a fab message.

Wish I had the guts to send something like that to my mum

Very good message. If you still have his message asking for money I’d screenshot that and send it as I bet he denies he did that.

Good message.

I’d be wondering if her previous reply about the abuse being from you and your dad was written by him, or at least guided by him.

Either way though you have said what you need to, ball is in her court now :(

I think your message was just about perfect! Loving and concerned, but not enabling.

It was a good message to send: kind but firm on your boundaries and why they are there

A perfect message. Good luck.

I am full of respect for the message. It is graceful and kind in a difficult situation. How lucky your DD, DS and their not-quite-born-yet sibling are to have you!

Sending you best wishes of support.

"DD and she is also aware of the fact that you only want to see her on husband's terms"

Yeah that's weird isn't it?

Or it's his way of controlling 3 generations of females?

Great message. Now stay strong and resist chasing her.

A small update, this might be quite outing. No contact from her since my last message. DD broke her arm on Sunday (minor fracture, this is the third time she's done it 🙄). My mum phoned my sister to moan that I didn't have the decency to tell her myself.

Double standards from your DM, there. Why would you tell her, when she's not speaking to you?

Hope your DD feels better soon.

Your mum is moaning about facing the consequences of her own actions. Let her crack on with it.

I'd put the issues with your Mum on the back burner and be more concerned that DD has a serious health issue if she has broken her arm 3 times and is only 8 years old. Sounds like that needs looking into tbh. Bones really shouldn't break that easily, surely?

@toomuchpeppapig

I'd put the issues with your Mum on the back burner and be more concerned that DD has a serious health issue if she has broken her arm 3 times and is only 8 years old. Sounds like that needs looking into tbh. Bones really shouldn't break that easily, surely?

She's naturally very clumsy. This has been over a period of 2 years however she does have a dairy intolerance so I've queried a mild calcium deficiency with her dietician.

Regardless, I think we will continue leaving the ball in my mums court. It's DS's birthday in a few weeks and obviously my due date is fast approaching so her behaviour then will decide how we move forwards.

Have your siblings managed to chat to her yet? If she’s ringing your sister to moan and your sister isn’t asserting that you’re in the right then this is really going to drag out.

I hope your DD is ok!

How did she find out about DD breaking her arm, if you didn't tell her?