Sexist home repairs

[thetrolleywitch]

Reminded of this by another thread... I had a person come around to do a quote for new fascias and guttering the other day. He was not happy about doing the appointment without my husband present.

We've renovated two houses over the years and I have done all of the project management, the plans, working with the builders etc etc. without needing help. My husband isn't particularly interested in the details and I'm happy to do it. I love a project!

The only other times that I've had this 'little woman' treatment have been with a replacement door and one of the companies that came round to quote for windows. I assumed in those cases that they wanted both owners present in case I was trying to lock him out but I don't get it with fascias!

AIBU to refuse to use a company for doing this? Also, tell me your stories of it happening to you to add to my righteous indignation 😂

Hi, yes had this with one of those kitchen cupboard door replacement companies - they wouldn't quote without both of us present. Ridiculous. Obvs didn't use them (tho tbf never got round to doing it at all!).

What happens if you're single?

Are you sure he wasn't just scared you might jump him and wanted a chaperone?

@formerbabe

What happens if you're single?

Yes! I wonder if they ever just assume that there is a 'man of the house'!

Other irritations - cooker delivery man who, when I walked into the kitchen said "oh good, now we can show you how to use it". I told them my DH does most of the cooking and walked back out.

And the window salesman who asked what my DH does for a living early on in the conversation but not what I do. When it occurred to him to ask much later on and I told him he said "oh you're a clever girl aren't you".

And the car salesman who (even though I was the one who negotiated the deal and called the bank to authorise the money transfer) wanted to arrange the handover for a day I wasn't free [and then sent a Xmas card addressed only to DH].

Sigh.

If its any consolation my husband was left to sort double glazing when i was at work. He was supposed to get a quote to discuss with me when i got home. The salesman did a lot of 'who wears the trousers here, cant you make a decision without the Mrs, this quotes only good for an hour - dont you have any balls'

YANBU. We’re having work done on our house atm and even though I’m the person who signed the contract with the architect, I’m the person who paid him and I’m the person who predominantly corresponds with him, it’s my husband’s name on the plans he drew up. I pulled him up on it and he corrected it to both our names but I shouldn’t have had to!

Yup. I owned my flat (DP had moved in). A bloke came over to fix the heating and half way through explaining what the issue was said "could you get your husband so I could explain to him?". I said "hes not my husband, and this is my flat and I'm paying you." I couldn't believe it!

Ooh, these make me grit my teeth but I'm glad it's not just me! It just seems weird that some companies seem to be stuck in this weird old-fashioned sexist time warp. Who do they manage to sell to using that technique?!

I’ve had it happen to me twice - once was a double glazing/doors company when I booked the appointment. I outright asked why did they said my husband had to be there too, and he told me that one of the reasons they do it is because it’s a high pressure thing - apparently they loose a lot of sales because the husband/wife won’t sign on the dotted line there and then because they have to check with a partner, and so they loose the momentum of the sale.
I did not use that company!

The other was when I was getting a water meter fitted and the guy asked if he needed to leave instructions for my husband about the stop cock in case of emergencies, or should he tell me. He must have guessed I wasn’t pleased from the WTF look I gave him and then he said “so you’re one of those clever girls that doesn’t need a man?”. The WTF look turned to a stop patronising me you twat look.

This happened to me a few years ago , I was thinking about getting a shower fitted and the guy that came to look at the work for me asked if I would a bi fold door or a single door , I told him a single door , he asked what would my husband like i tried to be tactful by saying he wouldnt mind , but this gut asked again then asked what kind of shower head my husband would prefer ( he did not ask which I would prefer ) .
I explained that I would be making the all the choices , he protested so I went down stairs and got my DHs ashes and took them up to the guy and asked him to ask my husband which he would prefer .
He mumbled a apology and carried on musuring up but I think he knew he would not be getting the job , he left within about 10 mins

A lot of sales people insist on having both owners present as its easier to apply the pressure and not waste their time. If there is only one owner present, then they tend to get the excuse of having to check with the other owner first.

wanted to arrange the handover for a day I wasn't free [and then sent a Xmas card addressed only to DH].
Errr...... did he fancy your DH?

That's awful for you @AlCalavicci, that must have been hard

Fair point about the wriggle outs. It's just weird because I just had quotes for all of our bathrooms and kitchen to be replaced, had the guy in to measure, communicated with him by email and went to the showroom to pick all the bits and not once did he question where my husband was. In fact I think I put the offer in on this house without the estate agent speaking to my husband (obviously he was on the paperwork later on) and bought our car... I can see why some would prefer it but they seem to make out like its an immovable policy.

I'll never forget getting my first house, proudly heading to carpetshite and having the most bizarre conversation with a sales guy- I'd ask the question, the guy would reply to my husband who in turn was looking at me because, y'kno, I'd asked the question.

Absolute twat of a bloke 🙄

@thetrolleywitch , I was so pissed off with him at the time I wanted to yell but I knew if I did I would probably end up getting even more upset . I think the very frosty atmosphere did the trick tho.
I never did get a shower fitted though

I've had it with mechanics explaining to my male friend what has broken/been replaced in my car. Had it at work when I did all the work on a project with an external company and they sent an invitation to a golf day to my male colleague.
Had it with delivery men who dropped off ikea flatpack furniture and seemed genuinely concerned at the prospect of me assembling it by myself as I wasn't married and lived alone. Presumably they thought all single women and lesbian couples sat on the floor, slept on the floor and kept their clothes in heaps on the floor rather than attempting to follow diagrams for flatpack.

One that always sticks in my mind was a waitress at a pizza restaurant asking DP for my order... DP didn't skip a beat and ordered for me... he got it wrong. I was young and didn't complain until afterwards because I was upset and didn't want to have an argument with him in public but I've never been back. I did bring it up with DP and he said he didn't know why and didn't even clock that it was weird that she asked him for my order and refused to acknowledge me throughout the entire time we were there.

Some do it because some women do say "Yeah, I will talk to my DH and we will let you know" same like some man do "Will talk to DW and let you know". Like this they can get answer there and then because both parties are present.

Then again. Many people are simply just sexist idiots🤷🏻

Years ago I had my car serviced at a national garage chain. I was with my then boyfriend who didn't drive and hadn't a clue about cars. The mechanic insisted on talking to my boyfriend, who was doing his best not to make eye contact, rather than me. I made it clear to the mechanic it was my car, not my boyfriend's but it didn't make the slightest difference, he just didn't want to engage with me . I didn't use that garage again, found a local independent which treated me with respect.

I’ve had two.

Had my drains unblocked and the owner of the firm who came to quote was stunned that a woman was dealing with drains as ‘women don’t usually deal with this’. He asked where my husband was then, when I said I didn’t have one, asked where my boyfriend was. Couldn’t believe it when I said it’s just me. Absolutely stunned and I heard him commenting on it to his staff when working in my garden. Had to use them as no one else would come out for a small job.

The second was buying my house. I was single and had saved my deposit. Lawyers kept wanting proof of ‘the gift’ from my father, and/or details of the boyfriend who would be living me. Obviously a lowly woman couldn’t have worked hard and saved. They delayed completion because they insisted they needed proof of the non-existent gift from some mystery man to verify my funds. Morons. Would never use them again.

Years ago I had a flat and had a company out to quote for new windows. The guy I had been very casually seeing happened to be there at the time. When the guy walked in I gestured and said this is my friend Steve he’s just popped in sorry.
The fucker insisted on telling Steve the prices and asking if the doors needed doing to. I’m sure poor Steve thought I was some sort of bunny boiler that had slept with him to enter him into a double glazing contract with me.

On the other side of the coin, I once had a new customer who wished to buy from the company I own equally with DH call me "my good woman" and tell me I should fetch the manager as I clearly didn't understand the value of the business he was offering.

Needless to say I told him we didn't want his business and to close the door on his way out!

The best one I’ve had was when me, my mum, my aunt, and her son went to a pub for lunch. My mum made the booking in her name so Mrs JammyHands. However the bill was presented to my cousin as Mr JammyHands because he was the man there. He has a different surname. We suggested that he should pay for us all but he declined.

@AlCalavicci I'm not often shocked on here, but I am by your story. What an absolute twat that guy was and I can really picture how upset you must have been, presenting your husband's ashes. Some people are just so insensitive and thoughtless, I'm sorry you went through that.